Post # 1
I have been a nurse for about 3.5 years now, and my husband and I were married 1.5 years ago. We are very much in love, and both feel very lucky to have eachother. Lately, I have been upset about things going on in my own life. I recently started a new job working 7pm-7am three nights a week with every other weekend. My husband works during the day Mon-Fri. Also, both my husband and I are going to school part time for our Master’s degrees. So we both work full time and go to school part time. It feels like we have NO time together. On the nights I work, we see eachother for less than an hour. This weekend, he is away at a bachelor party and it is my weekend off of work. So because of our schedules, we are going an entire month without having a single day off together. Also, we maybe have 6-7 full evenings to spend together a month between work and school. Does anyone else have limited time with their husband? I am feeling very down about this whole situation lately. We have been trying to do sweet things for each other here and there, but it just doesn’t replace the time we are spending apart from eachother. I’m still upset about it right now, so I know this whole post is a “poor me” post, but I just don’t know how to cope!
Post # 2
rn71015: This too shall pass. Once you have both fin ished your Masters’, you willl have more free time. In the meantime, go through your calendars in advance and book time off together. Make a commitment to each other to keep these dates sacred. Agree not to book anything else on those days, unless you discuss it with your partner.
Post # 3
Honestly, I had to go to day shift. We couldn’t do it. When I was home I was a zombie (I never tolerated being nocturnal well) and we were hardly together. It is amazing how much better it is to simply be able to see each other more than 20 minutes a day.
Post # 4
rn71015: Plan some date nights on your weekends off together. It doesn’t sound romantic, but schedule some together! Keep in mind that this won’t be forever.
Post # 5
I also work nights. On the week nights that I work, I don’t see my husband due to his work schedule and I see him when I kiss him good night/morning when I get home and then I go to bed and he leaves. On the weekends on I maybe get an hour with him. I have started to work 6 shifts in a row and then having 8 off. I am a evil human during those 6 nights I work/days I’m at home but he doesn’t see me so its not as much of an issue. I take a day to transition and he knows that he has to just pour me wine and not talk to me that evening (just be there). Then I’m good for a week and we have our evenings when he gets home from work. He knows that this can’t be forever and I need to switch to a different schedule at some point but right now this works for us
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess
It’s only temporary! Working nights is very difficult. I had to give up many holidays, daytime activities, sunlight for many years. I don’t have to do it anymore, but most nurses have to put in their time. Enjoy the differential, and focusing on finishing your MS. You’ll be done in less than 2 years or so right? You just have to make do with what the current situation is now. It’s not forever. Just keep telling yourself that. Make a gratitude list and focus on all the positives. You have a well-paying, likely satisfying job, a loving husband, the opportunity to further your education, etc, etc. One day at a time!
Post # 7
I will go to nights in a few months and am SO worried about this. Currently we are both 3-4 twelve hour days a week and there are weeks that we do not have a day off together, but at least we have our nights. I think the biggest thing is making time for each other when you do have off. Also on days I have off and he doesn’t, I run errands for him and make sure dinner is ready when he gets home. On days that he has off he gets stuff done for me and will usually at least have a plan for dinner when I get home (he does not cook.) This makes it easy for us to just lounge on the couch at night and spend time together. As others have said, take it a day at a time! Hopefully you won’t be on night shift for long! 🙁
Post # 8
I have the same schedule as you (7p-7a 3 nights a week, every other weekend working, and a full-time Master’s student), so I understand how tough it is. The one difference is my Fiance is a professor and is off on weekends, and usually off one day a week.
One thing we do is we plan a day out on the weekends we have off – nothing strenuous, something like a day walking in a park, or doing a wine tasting. On weekends I have off I try to wake up a slight bit earlier (say, 12:30 or 1pm) and then when we are tired from the day (usually around 8ish for me as I had only had around 3 or 4 hours of sleep), we cuddle and watch a movie.
It’s intimate and allows me to get close time with my Fiance while not exherting myself. If I fall asleep, I usually wake up around midnight, so it doesn’t affect my sleep schedule much.
This month away from each other is a great opportunity to search online, buy tickets, etc, and plan some awesome get-togethers for when you’re free – and it totally helps getting through the stress of work and school when you’re excited about an uncoming excursion!
Do you guys have school work you can complete on a coffee date?
Post # 9
I am an emergency dispatcher, I am going from 15:00-23:00 forty-hours a week to a new job, 12’s 18:00-06:00 three days a week. I too, am concerned, but I have to believe that it will be better for us in the long run from going to working every weekend for the last several years to every other. I am so excited to have a weekend off that I can’t hardly stand it! My husband works 08:00-16:30 Mon – Fri.
We try to plan time together on our days off, I am the most worried about getting enough sleep, as I feel like when I am on nights I could sleep forever.
Like another bee said above, “this too shall pass”
Post # 10
Ugh this is HORRIBLE. I hate this feeling. My FH works overnight 11pm-730am and I work m-f 830-5. It sucks. The “time” we get to spend together he is sleeping. Every weekend i get woken up at 7:40am. You aren’t the only one! The biggest thing for me is I don’t like doing everything by myself so this is really hard for me, so I totally feel your pain. I hope like others have said “this too shall pass” but it feels like it is lasting FOREVER. I want m significant other back. :/
Post # 11
We are in the same boat! I work 7p-7a 3 nights a week at my full time gig plus one night a week at my prn. My hubby works 1p-9p 5 nights M-F. Finding time together is definitely a challenge, especially because I’m always exhausted. I haven’t really found a good way to make my schedule so that I have time off and feel like a normal human. I will say that it was a lot easier before my prn job, so my only advice is don’t pick up extra shifts if you can help it and also, plan ahead for the time you do get to spend together! It helps to have something to look forward to.
Post # 12
I work nights 9p-7a 4 days a week in an animal ER/IU. My future husband works day shift. I’m also back in school as I need a less exhausting career. my days are random at work, including weekends and on call days. We didn’t see each other much for 12 days, it was so awful. So I hear you. I think having different shifts than your significant other can’t last forever. I’ve been on nights 2.5 years. I did it before for like 7 years, when I was younger. and it wasn’t this hard!
Post # 13
Thank you SO much for your support everyone. Although I wish no one had to deal with this, I am glad to hear that I am not alone. My husband and I were able to spend some wonderful time together and also talk about what has been going on. We’ve made plans for how to deal with it and be able to have more quality time together. We actually went through a lot of the ideas that everyone has come up with! I am reminding myself that this is temporary, and like many of you have said “This too shall pass.”
Post # 14
rn71015: I’m a nurse, I worked nothing but nights and weekends for 7 months as a new grad, stared getting vertigo around 6 months into the job… then got laid off (last one in, first one out…) I was so happy I got laid and got unemployment benefits and was able to find abother job and the vertigo went away too. I was really close to quitting because 1.vertigo and 2. I could see that the relationship is suffering big time… but couldnt afford to quit and then got laid off. My Fiance was 9-5, mon-fri. I was 11pm to 7am like 3-5 times a week, and all weekends. And neither of us was in school par time and we still barelly got enough time together. So idk how you guy manage at all, and I know it will be affecting the relationship big time. So start looking for another job asap not when you’re at the end of your rope!! Fi’s at a different job now but still 9-5, mon to friday and I got a new job too, work days and evenings only. I refuse nights, have a medical note cause vertigo… and things are much better, my new job is crazy hard and the management sucks but that’s a whole other topic. Good luck!
Post # 15
rn71015: hey! i’m not a nurse but my husband works full-time and goes to school full-time (undergraduate but he’s in his 30s, didn’t go to school earlier). we’ve had this schedule for 4 years now, and i feel you…it sucks. as i type this he’s in the other room doing homework. we have very limited time together and we were actually also long distance for a couple of years.
there’s no super easy way to make it fun i just try to appreciate the time we have together and remind myself that this is temporary. in time it will be a memory, and once that’s the case we’ll be in a wayyyyyy more comfortable financial situation (which i assume is true for you too) because of our time sacrifice now. marriage is all about the long game 🙂