Nightmare

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
9755 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I don’t think there is enough information. Why has the relationship been up and down? The way it sounds it seems like you’ve done something wrong in the past that’s causing this??

Post # 3
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

So, wait, he broke up with you or has he decided to call off the wedding…or both? And you have a child with him?

I’m so sorry, Bee. That truly sucks and I’m so sorry you’re hurting. But, honestly, if this were me, I’d be gone. No way would I sit around waiting for someone to deem me worthy of marriage, especially while I’m already raising their child.

I mean, If a single weekend away with can make him rethink everything, and long for his “normal life” without me…I honestly wouldn’t see a point to sticking around anymore.

Post # 4
Member
2322 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
katiebx :  Yeah, can you give more information? I’m curious why he doesn’t trust you, and what exactly he’s expecting of you when you say you need to prove you can be the person you say you are… Part of me thinks he might just be a total asshole, but another part of me thinks there’s more to it…

Post # 5
Member
2036 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Yes we need more info.  Are you seeing a therapist? If so for how long? Have you been formally diagnosed? That statement about you “proving yourself to be who you say you are” really rubs me the wrong way.  Are you being deceitful about who you are???

Too much info is being left out.

Post # 6
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

I am so sorry Bee. You must be in so much pain. Just know that you can get through this. Do it for you and your child. It will take time. You will be hurt for awhile, you can’t put a time on it. Do you have family that you can turn to and maybe stay with them for a little while to just get away from the situation to gather your thoughts? I just don’t understand the part where you say “If I can prove myself to be everything I say I am as he dosen’t trust me enough”. I hope that isn’t because you have horrible anxiety. 

Post # 8
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

As the others I’m also longing for more information.

I’m so sorry for you, Bee. This really sounds like a nightmare. But if he really doesn’t want to marry you, then it is better that he said it now, than afterwards. For how long have you been together and for how long have you been engaged? How did you decide to marry?

I don’t know if I would be able to sit around and wait for him to finally get ready and I don’t really like how he expects you to change, as his statement suggests, as a condition to wanting to marry you. If you’re a drug addict and he needs you to come clean, I would understand, but if it’s hinting at your anxiety issues, I would be furious!

EDIT: Just read your update. He did WHAT? He cancelled without even talking to you beforehand? WTF? This would be a dealbreaker for me.

And how does he think that he will now that you’ll never have issues again? Don’t want to frighten you, but people with anxiety will always have this trait within them. Before you know, you’ll be walking on eggshells around him, afraid that how you act or behave will give him prove to leave.

Post # 11
Member
1557 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
katiebx :  Could you clarify what happened previously? Have you always had anxiety or does its occurrence coincide with the relationship?

Post # 13
Member
764 posts
Busy bee

With the info given, id leave. I mean if he’s having second thoughts baout marriage and putting it off, in essence, hes putting off your relationship.

He doesnt think you guys are strong enough together, and doesnt have faiith in it so much so that he deicdied to make the decision first before voicing his concerns with you.

If he feels this way after the amount of time you two have been together, bee, maybe you should make the first step to move on. Let him know youre not at his mercy. Becasue rn he thinks you’re emotionally dependent on him. 

Post # 14
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

View original reply
katiebx :  Hi there, I don’t know you but I have to say, you deserve better. Your update is upsetting, you also say in your update “he must be 100 percent committed before marrying anyone let alone me” the fact you said let alone me is not ok. You deserve someone who is committed to you and that would make sure that he was committed before putting a ring on your finger, not 3 weeks before the wedding. This is disgusting. I know it’s easier said than done but separate yourself for a while, work on yourself and let him work on himself. He for sure has a lot of work to do. It’s obviously harder because you have a child but take a much needed break and see how you feel after some distance. In my experience, after creating distance in a relationship, I realize everything I was so blind to before. Hugs to you!

Post # 15
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

Ummmm…..What about the whole “in sickness and in health” adendum? It sounds as though you’ve been struggling with some mental health issues and have invested a lot of energy in hauling yourself out of that “hole”. There is absolutely no shame in this. In fact, it’s really commendable. You deserve to be with someone who won’t up and quit no matter how “suffocating” your condition is (what does he think it’s like for YOU?). What he seems to be saying is that life without you is great, and that’s NOT the way you should feel about the person you’re marrying, not even close. I agree that it’s better to know this now, and maybe by being honest he’s doing you a favor in the long run, but Christ, this must hurt like hell right now. I’m so sorry :(.

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