Nightmare IVF. If you were me.. what would you do?

posted 2 years ago in TTC
Post # 31
12326 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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doglovinbee :  I think it’s about expectations too.  Having transferred genetically normal and no mutations embryos, you let yourself hope, so when it doesnt work or even worse, gives you more hope that was it and then ends in a chemical.. .it’s definitely absolutely devestating.  In that way I think if trying naturally, a pregnancy would be a first step, but still very guarded hope until testing at 10 weeks which may offer some emtional protection if the mutation was present.  

Post # 32
5885 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

I would just try naturally and hope for the best. So many couples don’t have any genetic conditions that they are at risk of passing but find out that there is a chromosonal issue anyway and they decide to terminate the pregnancy. I’ve had many miscarriages before 12 weeks/around 12 weeks so I try to not get attached before the first trimester passes anyway. I would not want to spend any more money in your situation and would just try naturally. But it’s a very personal decision and I wish you and your husband the best. 


Post # 33
2724 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Wow, what a tough decision. I can’t even imagine what I’d do. My instinct is to think that I’d pursue IVF as long as our finances reasonably allowed, or until we had one healthy baby, whichever point we hit first. At that point, I’d make a decision on trying naturally. It’s hard, because while my own opinions don’t really matter in this situation, I’m 100% pro-choice without any legalities beyond “a woman and her doctor decide” (the caveat being that it’s a sane doctor who is following their oath, not some whackjob butcher). That being said, having never been pregnant, I don’t know how I would feel, for myself, in that situation.

Does your clinic have any therapists they can recommend who deal with clients struggling with fertility challenges?

Post # 34
333 posts
Helper bee

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doglovinbee :  I have not had to undergo IVF treatments nor am I in a similar situation to you so I can’t even imagine what that would be like. I think all your choices so far have been very courageous. 
I think as hard as it would be, reaching the point where I had exceeded my financial options to continue IVF I would attempt to conceive naturally. I would have to ensure I was mentally prepared before hand which it sounds like you are very aware of the likelihood and what could happen. 
I think outsiders can always pass judgement and not being in a position it’s very easy to say “I would never” but ultimately medical terminations happen so often, the only difference here is you are more mentally prepared because you know there’s a 50% chance. No one likes the idea of termination but for me early medical termination and genetic selection aren’t ethically too far away from one another. It’s just the toll it takes on a woman to carry for that time and then have to terminate that is the biggest downfall of that option. I hope that this 4th cycle is a successful one so that you are relieved from the decision. 

Be gentle with yourselves, you will both make the right decision for you. 

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