- 3 years ago
- Wedding: December 2017
Hi Bees, this is my first post, sorry it’s so long!
Any pearls of wisdom or advice would be much appreciated.
I am from the UK and legally married my American husband here in the US last year, after a few months engagement. We eloped, it was just the two of us, we had a magical weekend and have always planned on having a future “real” wedding – a big celebration for both of our families.
We are so happy to be married but are now facing the logistical nightmare of getting our families to the same place to celebrate our “real” wedding. We are both non-traditional and our families are luckily very relaxed. His family are all American and living throughout the MidWest. My family is where it gets complicated- I’m half UK/half Australian and my 5 siblings are spread through the UK, Europe and Australia. We are very close.
My hubby is in the military and in his circumstance cannot book leave in advance like civilians would, except for the “almost” guarantee of having Christmastime off.
We are both pretty relaxed about what we want for our wedding day – the crucial part for us is having the main VIP people there. That is our parents and our siblings. I have 5 siblings and he has 1. Initially I was dying to have my best friends there too, but we’ve accepted the fact that anyone else will be a bonus. Add to that my most of my hubby’s friends are also in the military, his groomsmen may well be deployed for whatever date we choose.
I am at a breaking point because we have spent months and months concocting different ideas and researching different places to host the wedding – the UK, Australia or continental Europe. We had initially planned on 80-100 people in the UK in the summer, many flying from the US and Australia. Then my hubby’s inability to book leave became apparent so we are very limited to Christmastime, if we do 2017 anyway. We changed the idea to Australia as it is fantastic there in December and I really want to bring my husband, he or nobody in his family have ever visited.
Today we were nearly at the stage of FINALLY getting ready to book a venue and getting ready to send out Save the Dates. We were lucky enough to have all the family on board with flying to Australia for a very small wedding (compromise for having it in Oz). We had asked all our VIPS before further planning. Luckily they can all afford the flights and every single person said they were delighted to have an excuse to go to Australia at that time. Today one of my siblings announced he can not travel next Christmastime because of his new job. SO CLOSE! Of course it is not his fault! We know we are asking a lot of people and now we are back to the drawing board.
Because this will be a tiny wedding and a destination wedding for the vast majority of the guests, I don’t feel right going ahead with it without all VIPs there. Am I being unrealistic?
I should mention that in addition to the tiny Australian wedding, we were planning to host a “party” the next time we both visit his hometown in the US, and my hometown in the UK. For friends and family who would not be there.
So now we are back to the drawing board and I find myself on this forum.
If we wait another 4-5 years, my husband will be able to take leave and travel more freely as he will be on different assignment in the military. He will be able to take more time off and book it in advance. Would we be crazy to wait that long? Has anyone else waited that long? That would be 7 years from when we got engaged!
We could also go ahead and have the small gathering in Australia next Christmastime 2017, I’ve been advised that you should just go ahead and book, and hope everyone will be there. I don’t feel right bringing people out there and my brother not being able to come.
We could also formulate a new plan- for the same time slot, Christmastime 2017. I have been dead against the idea of a winter UK wedding as it is freezing and we both want to have the ceremony outdoors.
What is the most important part of the wedding for you? What would you do?