Post # 16
Thank you everyone for your replies! It’s given me some clarity- and it is so true that no matter what, things will be complicated. Even writing out the post above helped me clear up my thoughts in my head.
All your words of wisdom are so appreciated and it is great to have some outsider’s points of view! I’ll update when hubby and I decide our plan of action. Thanks again! 🙂
Post # 17
littlemisspiggy : Sorry bee but I would probably just scrap the plan all together. You are legally married. 7 years to then do it for show for the family is crazy. I would maybe just arrange a nice celebration with your family and then with his family etc if you can’t really get everyone together.
Post # 18
I agree with scrapping it all. You are married. A cool vow renewal is a great idea though after a few years!
Post # 19
Normally, having a reception for the families and friends after an elopement or intimate ceremony is doable and acceptable.
In your case, in waiting so long, the goal of having both families together gets a bit redundant. Why make so many people spend so much money to travel to the “wedding’ of a couple who have been married for years.
I would plan separate celebrations in the US, UK, Australia for those friends and family who live there, and not make anyone besides you and your husband travel. Take the party to the people instead of making the people travel to the party.
Post # 20
Wow! This gave me a headache. I would give up the wedding idea. Rent a beach house that can sleep everyone (or two or 3 side by side) and entertain your family for a week. Throw a big party one of the nights to celebrate the union. If everyone is willing to travel for a wedding they will also travel for a paid vacation to celebrate your marriage. You can go the whole nine and do a wedding or just party it up. You said your families are laid back. What better way to get everyone acquainted?
Post # 21
My friend had three weddings. One in his hometown, one in her hometown and one where they live now with those friends. Neither of their parents could travel and they wanted everyone to witness and celebrate.
Post # 22
@MsBeer – you are right, 7 years is an absurd amount of time! I was banging my head on the wall with frustration thinking that would be a go-er.
One thing I forgot to mention is that our families have never met each other. I have met his family and he has met most of mine (before we married). So this “wedding celebration/party” is really important for us all to be together.
@elcr @jules 1949 @lokie85 and @stephyhansen thank you all for your feedback and ideas! This is my first time posting here and it’s such a great community. My poor sisters have been driven to distraction with me bouncing ideas off them – so great to have a more objective view on the situatuation. 🙂
Edit: how do you tag people on this? 🙂 the @ doesn’t work anyways! 🙂
Post # 23
Agree that since you’re already married, these are parties celebrating your marriage. But if I read you correctly, the main thing is getting to spend time with family- and I get how hard the logistics can be with long distance family. And in your case you have military thrown into the mix & your Darling Husband can’t book off. I would not put off these celebrations, whether it’s for a belated wedding reception or a vow renewal- because you just don’t know what life will bring. I’m sorry your brother can’t be there this Christmas because of his job- but if you wait another year entirely until December 2017, it might be someone else’s job. Or health (hope not! but there are no guarantees, realistically speaking), pregnancy, finances etc. I would go ahead with the plans for Australia over the holidays. I’m sure your brother will understand and you can always plan something special with him when both your schedules permit, ditto your friends.
p.s. Gotta say though, I love the thread title 🙂
Post # 24
I agree with others, you’re already married, sorry you missed out on the poofy dress, tons of gifts, big party but that was the decision you made bee. As others have said that was your “real” wedding. You’re married now so plan a vow renewal on your 5th.
Post # 25
I think the ship has sailed to have a wedding at this point. Yes, people who elope or have very private ceremonies often have celebrations after the fact (we did) but it’s generally within a few months that I would consider an acceptable time frame. At this point, we’re talking about you being married for years before having a “wedding”. I agree with julies1949, you should celebrate with your loved ones on their turf as you visit them. It’s a little much to suggest that people spend thousands of dollars (including you guys spending thousands on a venue) to come to a wedding of a couple that has been married for years.
Post # 26
To tag people you have to click reply at the bottom of their post.
Post # 27
You are already married. That was your REAL wedding.
At this point I would drop the pretense of this being a wedding since you already had one over a year ago and throw a celebration of marriage party and be happy with whomever is available because you’ll never guarantee everyone is available and the longer and longer you get out from when you actually got married the less and less invested people are going to be in spending money to travel and take off work to attend a reenactment of someone several years out from being married. Or wait longer for a big anniversary and do a vow renewal.
Post # 28
I vote for options 1 and 3. Get married now in a small ceremony and then have the huge party years later for your anniversary and do a vow renewal.