(Closed) Nightmare Parents

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

You will be so focused on you and your fh that you aren’t going to notice their strange behavior.  Invite them, make it very formal sounding, and let it be.  I have a few family members that are unpredictable, but like you said, they are family.  There really isn’t much else you can do.  Just stay focused on the real reason why you are having the wedding and let things go the way they will go.  You could ask a close friend to keep an eye on them, but wouldn’t that ruin their evening too?  You could try talking to them, but it sounds like that might be a lost cause.  Good luck, and remember it is not about them!

Post # 4
9 posts
  • Wedding: May 2009

My parents suck.  I’ve actually given the woman who runs the reception hall the job of occupying my mother.  At my sister’s wedding, my mom was trying to be one of the caterers and never had a chance to enjoy the night.  She’s in like 2 photos!  She’s  a control freak and wouldn’t listen to the wedding coordinator. 

 Have someone keep an eye on your folks so you don’t have to.  Delegate authority!

Post # 5
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

My dad is very difficult to deal with. So much so that I decided not to invite him to my first wedding many years ago. He always said that he would "catch me on the next one". (Yeah, he’s an @$$ but whatever.) He gave me so much grief over not inviting him that I decided I couldn’t go through that again. So, he was invite. At first he refused to come since I told him someone else would be walking down the isle but then came around. Here were our solutions/plans/compromises…

1) It was important to me that anyone who wanted to give a toast be allowed to do so.  Knowing that my dad would insist on giving one, we decided to give him the "honor" of going first. Our best man was waiting in the wings to go as soon as he was done. The plan was that if my dad said something stupid (like I told her I’d catch her on the next one) our best man would be able to take the attention and give a really nice toast therefore diverting the attention and getting the reception back onto a light hearted fun loving time.

2) My brother (who are all younger then be but fiercely protective) were on alert to take care of him if there were any problems. We had even worked out a plan. If he did anything disruptive or the knew he needed to go, they would ask him to come see something cool at their car (they all have cool tricked out cars) and then when they got him to the parking lot and away from the facility they would tell him  he was no longer welcome and inform him that he needed to leave. Thankfully, this was not necessary. They had to distract him a couple of times but never had to ask him to leave.

3) Since he wasn’t walking me down the isle, I decided to honor him with a father daughter dance. I told him he could pick the song but that I had veto powers. He started off by suggesting Under My Thumb by the Rolling Stones (I told you he was a winner!). We finally settled on something and it was a small price to pay on my part to keep him happy. Sometimes a small compromise on something that doesn’t bother you so much can get you what you really want! I really didn’t want him to walk me down the isle and even though that was hard for him he at least had his dance where he was acknowledged in front of all the guests as the father.

Good luck honey! I feel your pain! A little bit of preplanning can sometimes go a long way! Other than that, keep in mind that the guests will follow your lead. If you ignore inappropriate behavior, then your guests will to. If you let it get you down and they see your frustration and dissappointment then it will bring them down as well. Just let it roll off your back on the day of the wedding because you can always address it on another occasion.

Post # 6
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I have a fairly unpredictable family myself.

My father, for one, has a tendency to get out of control. He’s probably my biggest worry for my wedding…There’s no easy way to say this. He’s an alcoholic. He and my mom split when I was 6, and I’ve never really had a relationship with him. Regardless, every time he gets drunk and "sentimental" he crys, calls repeatedly or throws a fit in public. My fear is that he’ll do the latter.

On my mom’s side, her family are all a lot on the crazy side. I don’t even know most of them. I just know that my mom is afraid that most of them will show up to my formal wedding in blue jean cut-offs…

I’m dealing with this reality by knowing that the attention will be on me and my FI’s happiness, not my family. So they can dress and behave however they want. And there are people at my venue prepared to escort anyone not dressed appropriately or not acting appropriately out of the reception– not my idea, their policy. But I would be dishonest if I said I wasn’t relieved by this…

Regardless, I just plan to keep my eyes focused on my Fiance that day and enjoy the compliments we’ll be sure to receive for such a beautiful event!

Invite your parents as guests. Their involvement doesn’t have to extend beyond that if you choose it so. That way you maintain control, and they still get to see their daughter get married.

Good Luck!

Post # 7
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I feel ya hunny! Hugs for having a crap childhood, lets start a support group! 😉 Me and you!

The gals on here have suggested having a day of coordinator to me for my out of control guests and paretns with no tact. It’s can be a bit of money but toally worth it if it means that someone is there to lower the issue factors, you know?

If your parents are like mine, me asking them to do something, be somewhere or shut the F-enhiemer up (not exactly like that, but you get me)  won’t do anything but annoy them and make them laugh as if it’s some funny joke.

I’m in the process of locating a DOC for my day because I can’t handle it.

Good luck! 

Post # 9
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I have to comment just b/c this has been on my mind lately too.  My finace and his mother just cannot get along (and she seriously is crazy at times).  His father died two years ago and he said he would give it one last shot with her.  Well, it didn’t work out.  He is adamant about not inviting her to the wedding.  And I’ve now gotten to a point where I agree with him.  When I mention this to people they say ‘but you have to invite her she’s his mother…she doesn’t have to come’.  But when you don’t want someone to come you don’t invite them, you don’t hope they don’t come or try to ignore them.  I think its for the best in our situation, at least.  It is sad though.

I don’t know if that helps you or not, but good luck and know you’re not alone.   

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