- 4 years ago
I have been venting about my husband off and on since before the wedding. He is a 37 yo man, no kids, I am 36, with 3 kids.
When we married, I found out a lot of stuff about his finances that he hid. Yes, I was naive and trusted him.
Since then, it has been a downwards spiral: of course, everything is affected. From our conversations to sex to of course, finances. I have been supporting him for six months. He is an able bodied man. The most recent f-up is when I left a contract for a perm role, and he was a shoe in for the job. My employer (based on my merits) wanted to see him (we are in the same line of work). Not only was he 45 minutes late, they said he was nervous and lacked personality. He is now currently employed in a 2 month contract, earning half of what I do. His first paycheck should be here in a few weeks…his first “real one” since October.
He is a nice man. Nice only goes so far. He is kind, isn’t rude, isn’t abusive. But I have lost all respect. He doesn’t have any friends. Doesn’t socialize. He is barely social with my kids. I have to make all the plans. We have sex once a month. When we do, it sucks. He stinks as a husband. I have spoken with him on numerous occasions about how I feel he has really dropped off the earth. He agrees. He makes promises. He fails.
I guess ti comes to a point that I need to ask how long do I continue? I promised for life. I hate every day I am married to him. I regret my decision. It has been nothing but stress since before I said I do.
I hope this is just a bad time. I wonder if I am fooling myself. My kids call him step dad (they are older). How can I hurt them again if things don’t work out between us?
I want things to work, because I care for him, but also, I fear I am just blinded. He says all the right things, has an awesome education, but has not been a good husband.
He is filing for consumer proposal-he stopped paying his bills months ago.
My dreams of buying a house with him–gone. My dreams of maybe having a baby with him–gone.
What I am left with is always checking his bank accounts, making sure he is still being accountable, I feel like I have to control him, like he is another child to care for.
I envy others who have husbands who can provide-who DO provide, for themselves and also for them, if needed. I envy those that are buying their home.
I am beginning to wonder if this man is really worth it? I have an EAP, so I WILL attend counselling. Not all is entirely lost, just yet. It is just tonight, here i am embarrassed, angry…the government tracked down my hsuband to my EX and they called my EX to try to find my H. Embarrassing. I am completely embarrassed by my partner. I am so unsatisfied, I wonder if getting even near close to barely satisfied will ever happen again.
I wasn’t supposed to be writing these things. I was supposed to be happy still, Iwas supposed to be doing things like normal newlyweds do. My honeymoon ended before the wedding, when I found out how he was hiding his rough financial situation. Yes, people here said to run. I didn’t. I am sorry I didn’t listen. I want to be hopeful. Deep down, he isn’t a bad man…I think.
Over the weekend I found out when he was married to his ex, he went to a strip club and got a lap dance. It wasn’t cheating, he said. Add that to the list of reasons why this man keeps disappointing me. Is this what it is all about? A series of disappointments?
I don’t know….this is marriage number two and I thought I had done everything right…I had known him for 6 years, We dated for a few…we lived together for a year…I thought I knew what I was getting in to.
Instead, I married a man who cannot keep a job, has seizures that he hid from me until after the wedding (long story), hid his true financial situation, is irresponsible with money, and barely tries anymore to have a relationship with my kids. Sex with him is blah. We still manage to enjoy each other’s company-more as friends…in chit chat.
Am I an awful person for feeling this way about my husband? I feel stuck-completely stuck, and so embarrassed.
I don’t know what I am looknig for here at this point…a sounding board? An ear? A push? I just don’t know. I have been loyal and faithful and been a good, strong and supporting wife to him. But the supporting part is failing fast. More days than not I find I am just absolutely frustrated…beyond even my strong patience.
Now what, hive?