No +1 Given, but RSVP'd with a guest.

posted 1 week ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1898 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Second option – get your finance to tell his brother that there wasn’t a plus one and that it is a very small wedding.

Post # 3
533 posts
Busy bee

First, have Fiance ask his brother “are you in a relationship we’re not aware of?”, if the answer is “yes” then you let him bring his guest, if the answer is “no” then you say “sorry but no”

Post # 4
49 posts

I second the second option. I’d bet he just assumed a plus 1 was included even though the invitation didn’t specify. Just tell him that you chose to have a small wedding for a reason and prefered it to be intimate with only the people you care for most, and just don’t want strangers there.

Post # 5
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Albeit we didn’t have a small wedding, one of my husband’s cousins RSVPed with a plus one, even though her invitation stated we reserved one seat for her and the drop down on the online RSVP only allowed for one guest. We just brushed it off and didn’t say anything, and I’m fine with our decision. While it was frustrating, it wasn’t worth the hassle to me. Assuming his brother is a normal adult who is aware of the wedding size, I don’t think he’d bring someone whom he wasn’t serious about, so I’d honestly probably just let it go.

Post # 6
696 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

sollyb :  One of two options here:

Let your Fiance handle this and get some real information about this mystery guest and make your move from there.


Let this one slide. It sounds like you’re close to the wedding (yay!!!) and you’re going to have plenty of bullets coming your way in the next few weeks. Pick your battles wisely and save your energy where you can.

I invited the parents (divorced, but cordial-ish) of one of my bridesmaids. Her mother refused to come because she is refusing to go to her daughters wedding (!!!!) and her father straight up told me that he is bringing his girlfriend. Ok, whatever y’all. Turns out Girlfriend is a nice lady 🙂


ETA: Still super rude to assume you have a guest.

Post # 7
1687 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I’d be inclined to assume it was a misunderstanding on the brother’s part and have FH clear it up with him.

Post # 9
4974 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Another vote for option two.

If he wants to turn your wedding weekend into a mini vacation with his current SO, he’s absolutely welcome to do that. That does not mean that your small, intimate wedding needs to include a stranger he has chosen to invite.

Post # 10
3 posts
  • Wedding: December 2018

sollyb :  I would definitely have your fiance ask his brother about it!  I entirely feel your pain, as I am also having a small wedding, yet having coworkers who are not married, or engaged asking for plus ones when they know we have been trying to keep it small! If his brother is in a serious relationship, and since it’s family I would discuss the possibility of allowing him to bring his plus one.  I would defintely have your fiance talk to him though because it is strange none of you knew of this mystery guest, and also rude of him to just write that on his response card!  If you and your fiance are in a position where you still feel you want to keep it small and this guest would be burdensome in any way, or interfere with your pre-made plans I would not hesitate to just invite your fiance’s brother.  It is your and your fiance’s day and you both have to be the ones to be ok with this decision! I wish you luck and I hope your wedding is amazing:) 

Post # 11
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Option 2 have your fiance speak to him. It’s kinda of upfront/rude of him to put that he will be bringing a guest but let’s give him the benefit of the doubt that either a) he’s in a relationship now or b) he’s just made a simple mistake and wasn’t sure about what to put.

Post # 12
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Option 2. We had a small intimate wedding and we had a no introductions rule. My brother and sister had both recently started dating people prior to my wedding. My brother had started dating his Girlfriend before he even got the invite but I’d never met her. Neither one assumed a +1 because they knew it was a small intimate wedding and I didn’t know their SO. You don’t know this person, they shouldn’t be there end of story. Just because they’re family doesn’t mean it’s ok for them to be rude, adding a +1 is rude 

Post # 14
539 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

sollyb :  While the outcome is obnoxious, good for you for letting it go! When planning my wedding a few years ago, so much crap went wrong & there’s so much weird/rude things that guests/vendors do. It’s better to save your energy as another person commented! Congrats on planning- you’re almost done!! 🙂

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