(Closed) no +1 option? how do you feel about it?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 46
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

We invited everyone with a guest, and we were shocked at how many people RSVPed for 1. A good number of married people and a few in LTR’s came by themselves. Most people were part of a social group, but there were a few that were not. We were grateful that we were able to bring our numbers down. And we were thanked for putting the plus one on cards by people who came by themselves.

Post # 47
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@RunsWithBears:  I think Martha’s advice is essentially the same as Miss Manners’, except that the latter extends it to long-time partners who is not at the same address (which I did personally).

I disagree, though, that the line is “anyone who considers themselves in a relationship.” 

I go by Miss Manners’ advice – and I don’t think a new boyfriend of a few months is the same category of those she listed: spouses, long-time or live-in boy/girlfriends.

Post # 48
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@zagora:  I guess we will have to agree to disagre.  Miss Manners says you must invite “established significant others.”  She goes on to list a few examples but that is by no means a complete list.  For example, how would you define “long time?”  So really I think it comes down to how you define “established,” and this is such a hot topic that it has spun off into a thread of its own. But honestly, do you think you are in a position to judge whether or not a couple is “established?”  How do you define that?  And until someone can provide me with a logical explanation as to why couples who live together get prefered treatment over those who choose not to, I don’t think I can ever come around to the other side of the arguement.

Post # 49
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@sailor:  So what you’re saying is that if you were friends with Angelina Jolie, Brad would not be invited?  

Post # 50
Member
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I had never heard of no +1 til I started looking in to weddings either lol. The weddings around here everyone allows for a +1 but then again none of them are over 200ish people.

Post # 51
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

@sailor:  So by your defintion, my Fiance and I who have lived together for 5 years and own a home together, would not be invited to a wedding with a guest. But my friend who married her boyfriend after 6 months would.

hmm

Post # 52
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think it depends on the situation. We didn’t do random +1’s but a woman that I work with that was invited, she would know nobody there, of course I invited her boyfriend. However, just some friends that have boyfriends, all my friends know each other, or know at least 5 people there, and it was just too much. I would say, be tactful and respectful of your invite list, you don’t want to insult anybody or make someone feel uncomfortable. (I got invited to a relatively close friend’s wedding that was after my wedding but the invitation came before my wedding and she did not invite my husband – who would be my husband by the time she got married! Needless to say, a married couple not invited together??? I did not go.)

Post # 53
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Also, to add, while I was engaged another friend (not super close) got married and my Fiance was not invited. I asked her if I could bring him and she said she was not able to do anymore +1’s. Truth is, I ended up leaving early because she stalled the reception by so long that time was dragging… I missed my Fiance. 

Post # 54
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@khf777:  

@Bostongrl25:  

I would be as inclusive as possible within my budget and space limitations, and would make every effort to accommodate Brad and Bostongrl’s live-in Boyfriend or Best Friend.  I’m not saying they should be excluded.  I am saying that they are not mandatory invitees, and while every effort should be made to include them, it is not a faux pas to invite Angelina and Bostongrl to attend solo.

There are social benefits to being married in addition to all the legal benefits.  Being invited to social events together, no exceptions, is one of them.  If you want the benefits of being engaged or married (and have the legal option to do so), get engaged or get married.  I know this is an unpopular opinion on the bee.

… As it was, we had very few single (not married, not engaged) guests at our wedding, and we extended +1’s to all of them because budget and space allowed.  But I don’t think it would have been a faux pas to invite the singles to attend solo.

Post # 55
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I lived with my husband before we were engaged and was invited to weddings with and without him during that time.  I wasn’t offended, though I did decline to attend one that required travel when I probably would have gone if he had been invited.  Again an invitation is not a subpoena and if you don’t want to attend solo, it’s not rude to decline.

Post # 56
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

@sailor:  We’ll have to agree to disagree on this one.

Post # 57
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@Bostongrl25:  Yeah, I know I am in the minority on this one.  🙂

Post # 58
Member
842 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I gave plus one’s to anyone who considered themselves in a relationship.  But I find it a little aggravating that I have to invite my FSIL’s current flavor of the month.  She goes through boyfriends every couple months, but while she’s with them it’s supposedly super serious.  So now this guy will be at the rehearsal dinner, the wedding, in pictures, etc.  Meanwhile, I doubt he’ll last another 6 months.

And By The Way, our wedding is fairly small to average.  I wanted 50 people, but my mom insisted on inviting a lot more and we got up to over 100.  Technically my venue only fits 90, so I’m crossing my fingers that I get plenty of no’s. 

Post # 59
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

This is something that has been a real struggle for me. However, we’ve decided to only +1 those that are married/engaged OR those that are travelling overnight. We are only able to invite 150 ($15,000 budget) due to cost and I want to ensure that those who attend are SIGNIFICANT to us. I considered downgrading my ceremony/reception in order to invite more people, but decided that it was more important for me to have the day of my dreams as opposed to inviting additional people.

I’ve attended a wedding where I didn’t know anyone and didn’t stay for the entire reception, but I was happy to be in attendance in support of my friend. If anyone would prefer to decline the invitation because he/she was not offered a “guest pass” then I’d just as soon not have him/her attend.

My wedding is about my fiancee and I getting married and a celebration with CLOSE friends and family. However, if money wasn’t a factor, I’d be more open about allowing strangers to attend. 

 

Post # 60
Member
7075 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I thought I just answered this question not long ago, but this could be a new thread so here goes…

Disclaimer, this is MY opinion and what I think is best for my wedding. I do understand some people feel differently for various reasons and that’s fine.

*I* feel that it’s incredibly rude to invite someone to a wedding without the option to bring a guest, especially if they are single. Yes, some people feel there is no better place to meet new friends that at a wedding – well, that’s not the case for everyone. I’m an extremely social “talk to anyone” kind of person, and even I feel uncomfortable interjecting myself into convos at weddings. Most of the time a lot of the wedding guests already know each other, and it can be awkward to jump in. I have a Fiance that travels A LOT for work, and is gone often. Any time I’ve had to go to a wedding along it’s sucked. Obviously I know that’s my choice, and I would never “sub” a date in, but it really makes me feel for those who are single and can’t bring a date.

The last wedding I attended alone was for a friend, and it was a little over 2 hours away. I drove out and attended the ceremony, followed by reception about 30 minutes away. It was casual (desert only) and no seating chart. I felt SO awkward because I didn’t know anyone, while all of her high school and college friends commandeered two tables and just pulled up TONS of extra chairs. I was sitting alone for most of it (as the bride and groom never came around) until an older couple took pity on me and invited me to come sit with them.

I also don’t agree that it’s up to someone else to determine how serious a relationship is. My Fiance and I have been together for 12 years, living together for 8. So you’re telling me that we don’t constitute a social unit because we weren’t yet engaged or married? I don’t let myself get irritated if an invite comes “and guest” but you bet your bottom dollar I get pissed if one comes addressed to one of us individually with no guest. Fiance got invited to a wedding a couple of years ago where I was not invited. The groom knows us well, and has even stayed in OUR home. Fiance did not attend, partly because he thought it was rude and partly because he thought it would suck to go alone (he’s not very outgoing).

We will be inviting every guest with a +1.

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