Post # 1
My Future mother in-law was an alcoholic and has been clean for a couple of years. She is insisting that there be no alcohol at my wedding, which she is the only person with an alcohol problem. So my question is, should i still do what i want and have an open bar at my wedding or should i respect her wishes and have a alcohol free wedding? Mind you we dont even get along!
Post # 3
What does your fiancé think? I’d still want to do alcohol. I don’t think 99% should suffer just because 1% can’t control themselves.
Post # 4
I have been to ONE dry wedding and a dozen or so NOT dry weddings and I had ultimately more fun at the not stuffy open bar weddings. Booze is better.
Post # 6
My fiance told me that i can do whatever i wanted and if i want alcohol then thats just how it is. And i feel that i should have to be responsible for someone elses actions.
Post # 7
We had no alcohol at ours, because my lovely wife hates the taste of alcohol.
As I said in another thread, you are marrying your Fiance. That makes it a day on which only your opinions, and his, count.
Who is his mom to try to make demands? Tell her there will be alcohol there, but you totally understand her choice not to drink and will offer her sparkling juice instead.
If that offends her…
…Well, I don’t want to get banned, so I won’t give you the rest of my advice for how to respond to that kind of demand.
Post # 8
If she’s been clean so long surely she can control herself? I would suggest talking to your Fiance but also suggesting to her (in a nice way) that if it makes her uncomfortable you’d understand her leaving early if everyone is drunk. As in, no pressure to stay in a situation where her self control is not working.
Personally, I’d want my bar still if I were you. It’s your wedding, also, is she being nice about it? That always really affects my decision, if she asked in a polite understanding way i’d be more willing to listen than if she just said you can’t do that.
Post # 9
@Nikki2517: is your fmil paying for the wedding? if she is, then she has a say, if not, it’s your wedding.
the few dry weddings that i have seen, everyone left as soon as dinner was over. they didn’t even wait for the first dance or cake cutting.
Post # 10
She isnt being nice or even asking me not to have alcohol she is just telling me that there will be no alcohol. But the other things is she wont say it in front of my Fiance she only say it to me (maybe because i come off a little nicer then her son). we are paying for our wedding totally out of our pockets my mother was helping pay ( she was murdered in sept 2012) so i feel if im paying for it she shouldnt have any say so.
Post # 11
- Wedding: October 2014 - Disney
This is your wedding and your decision.
We are personally only offering champagne toast at our wedding but our situation is a little different and the alcohol probably wont be missed. We anticipate 45 max at our wedding of those my Fiance and I dont have more than 1-2 drinks with a meal. His mom, one of his brothers, and grandma dont drink at all. My family has 4 non drinkers. The rest of the 30 2/3s of them are in the same boat as us 1-2 drinks and then they stop. We are also offering a very formal buffet dinner with fireworks cake cutting not a semi formal buffet and dancing. In a scenario like this with a welcome party the night before at a formal bowling alley I think alcohol isnt necessary. There is a lot going on and the cost ratio for the alcohol is far higher than what will be consumed. I’m not paying $24 per person on alcohol for <$5 per person in drinks sold its a cost that is just rediculous.
If you are throwing a large gathering with dancing and long reception hours drinks will be expected. I dont see why one person cant control themselves for one night.
Post # 12
So she’s trying to bully you. Have alcohol. It’s your wedding. If she’s putting in no money, she really gets no say (not that she does either way, just even less so).
That’s awful about your mother, it must be so hard having her be so awful on top of that. =(
Basically, no, she gets no say. Your wedding, your Fiance is fine with it, get drunk!
Post # 13
I’m not having any alcohol at my wedding. There SEVERAL alcoholics in FH’s family that will be attending the wedding and Future Father-In-Law is a recovering alcoholic who just lost his wife (he isn’t handling it very well), we don’t want to tempt him.
In this situation though where it is just your Future Mother-In-Law, I think I’d still have alcohol if you wanted. If you’re having an open bar, you can have someone (your FH?) let the bartender know that Future Mother-In-Law isn’t allowed to have any alcohol. You should be able to trust her to avoid drinks.
Post # 14
Some alcoholics just can’t be around people drinking. Would you really want to risk your mother losing her sobriety? I wouldn’t. We have a few alcoholics in the family so no booze at the wedding. Not even champagne. Contrary to what some people think you actually can have a good time at a party without alcohol. Just have some fun sparkling punch as a mocktail.
Post # 15
I am not having alcohol (Aside from a single glass of champagne to toast per guest) at my wedding, but instead we’re having an “After party” so to speak specifically for invited guests (Mostly the bridal party) where we’ll be serving beer and wine.
I wouldn’t serve alcohol if anybody was an alcoholic or recovering alcoholic. Sure, she may not be able to control herself, but I don’t want to tempt the beast. I respect recovering alcoholics — their fight is difficult and I wouldn’t want to belittle that by serving alcohol despite their wishes. Family is family.
Post # 16
We are having around 120 guests and we rented an aquarium for our wedding we have a couple things planned since everyone will be needing to travel to the coast including my self, our reception is around 3 1/2 hours long