Post # 1
SO and I said we would celebrate our 1 year anniversary this weekend because I had already purchased tickets to a haunted house so we would turn in into a “date” and also mentioned I had a card … Well SO brings me to the haunted house I payed for and then we end up at chipotle for dinner which is fine I’m not all that into fancy dinners and what not because I’m a picky eater …. Anyways I give him my card and he has nothing for me… Sad to say I kind of expected that but it still hurt… by no means did I want a dozen roses or anything that could become expensive but a simple card would have been great… -_- and I always get the same excuse “I wasn’t brought up like that” which yea I understand because his parents are divorced and his mom keeps telling his little sisters Santa doesn’t exsist 😮 the poor kids and there barely celebrate birthdays your lucky if you get a cake last minute … It still sucks though and he knows how I feel and I try to show him to be more celebratory but boy is it a struggle but I do feel its just becoming and excuse .. And I know he loves me very much but Jeesh an anniversary you would think he would learn enough from TV shows to at least get a card especially after I said I got him one ….
am I asking for to much ?? I feel like I have crazy expectations
Post # 3
Asking too much? NOPE! The excuse, I wasn’t brought up like that, does not fly, he’s not a kid, he’s a man and unless he wants to wake up tomorrow morning with his head sewn to the carpet and no eyebrows, he’d better GET like that in short order. The fact is regardless of his upbringing, your happiness is important, and he’d better start investing in that with a couple bucks worth of romantic shit.
Post # 4
Sorry you were dissapointed.I agree that upbringing is not a valid excuse.He should have at least got you a card…even a homemade one.lol
Post # 5
Sorry! I went through this. My family got cards/gifts for nearly every holiday and initially Fiance had no idea what holidays were card-worthy and we turned it into a little bit of an inside joke. Luckily he had female friends when we were first dating who clued him in on the anniversary card-giving ritual.
I would let him know how much it means to you and helps you feel appreciated and loved, even if you know he loves you it’s nice to be told/given a little token every once in a while. He could even write you a note rather than buy you a card!
Post # 6
I would just discuss with him that you would like to celebrate your anniversaries with gifts, presents or something fancier than chipotle? if this is your first anniversary together, its possible he just didn’t think about. maybe discuss your expectations and make sure you are on the same page.
Post # 7
Thanks guys haha .. It has Been discussed and he understands where I’m comming from and he has done sweet things for me before he’s randomly brought be flowers and has sent me texts of written notes and makes me dinner regularly and even thinks about desert…. He’s deffinately got a sweet romantic side .. and I love that he does it without a reason … I never ask for anything for holidays and don’t expect to be showered with gifts but ugh an anniversary is totally a requirement for something thoughtful … And Hand made cards mean the most ! Plus there free haha I always get a little peeved when I write a book in his cards and all he does is sign the few I have gotten -_- lol he’s never been extra lovey to past girlfriend supposedly and he’s only been with one for more than a year .. He didn’t get trained very well I guess
Post # 8
That’s what would happen to my husband if he was empty handed.
I would set an expectation with him and go from there. Sounds like he has the capability to be sweet and romantic. He might just need a push or a reminder.
Post # 9
I understand. My boyfriend didn’t get me anything for our 1 year anniversary either. Unfortunately, he was pretty broke after paying his half of the bills. He still could have gotten me a card but really his mind doesn’t work like that. I was a little disappointed about not getting anything but my disappointment only lasted a minute. The truth is my Fiance is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He treats me as if I’m worth my weight in gold. My happiness means so much to him that even when I’m bored he tries to figure out what he’s doing wrong. He compliments me, supports me, is always affectionate to me, just goes out of his way to let me know I’m loved. I know whatever he has I can have. In the past anniversaries and birthdays were a test of love. Today I know I’m loved so it’s not as important as it use to be.
If your SO is there for you in every other way, I would let this one go. However, going forward, I would stop hinting and start telling him exactly what you want him to do. It may not be as romantic as him reading your mind but it’ll save you a lot of disappointment and frustration in the future.
Congratulations on your anniversary.
Post # 10
However, going forward, I would stop hinting and start telling him exactly what you want him to do. It may not be as romantic as him reading your mind but it’ll save you a lot of disappointment and frustration in the future.
This is excellent advice. Some men are shall we say challenged when it comes to anniversaries or romantic occasions. Tell him exactly what you want next time. I bet he will come around. Good luck!
My DH was always very romantic with me, but he was not in the habit of spending money on pricey restaurants until he met me. I took him to a few of my favorite romantic French restaurants and he saw the light. (LOL) Now it is expected that when either of us has a birthday or when we celebrate our anniversary, we go to a high end restaurant.
There is hope!
Post # 11
Since your previous posts talk about your upcoming wedding, I assume you mean dating anniversary, not wedding anniversary.
You mention TV shows… I’ve seen plenty of TV shows mentioning wedding anniversary but not so much dating anniversary. So unless you said to him plainly, “I expect a card or present for our dating anniversary”, I don’t think you can be too harsh on him.
Post # 12
I agree, you have to tell him, men are often totally oblivious about these things. I’ll usually say something like “let’s make our valentine’s day gifts this year” or “for our anniversary we should plan to do something together” or “let’s put a $50 limit on Christmas present this year” or “money’s tight, we should just do cards for our bday.” It’s just easier!!
Post # 13
I agree. Different things mean different things to different people!
Also something to consider is why is only your wants towards the anniversary being taken into consideration? You guys need to talk and both compromise.
Post # 14
My sister’s husband wasn’t brought up like that either. Guess what? They’ve been married 13 years and she doesn’t get any gifts, cards, fancy dinners, thoughtfulness, etc. I don’t think it’s something you can talk to him about and change. Either accept it or find someone who has been brought up to be thoughtful.
Post # 15
Done and done. I agree.
You have to tell them, nicely, what you expect and want. It sounds horrible and selfish, but if you are to fill each others expectations you have to tell them about it. He should also tell you what he expects of you in certain respects.
Post # 16
I don’t think that is a valid excuse. It isn’t like you are asking for a fancy restaurant and flowers and the whole nine yards. To me it sounds like you are compromising by just expecting a card (rather than a lot more celebrations and gifts) and that he isn’t at all. Also, in situations like this I think that it is always better to rise to the highest level that one of you expects (unless you can’t afford it or something), because that way no one’s feelings get hurt. If you do a big celebration, that doesn’t hurt him and it makes you happy….whereas if he doesn’t mark the occasion at all you get hurt and I’d hope that would make him unhappy that you were disappointed…