(Closed) No bachelor party. Period!

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 107
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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honestadvice :  I hate the “You’re overreacting” schtick. I am very much against the idea of bachelor parties. Can’t seem to reason why they are still a thing.

The way I see it, bachelor parties are a way for guys to “enjoy their last night of freedom” and I have a few problems with that concept.

First, if a guy is getting married he probably hasn’t been single for a while. The concept is old fashioned, appropriate to a time when men were forced to marry women they would only meet on their wedding day. That would justify “the last night of freedom”. Using that excuse these days days when men and women have plenty of time to enjoy their single life before deciding to commit to someone of their chosing, that just screems sleeziness to me. 

If a guy wants to be free to lick wipped cream off a stripper’s nipples, he is not the type of person I would want around me anyway, so he can go be free to do that every night of the year if it pleases him.

If a guy proposes to me, it means he chose me. No one is forcing or pushing him to make that call. Why would he then behave as if marrying me was an awful ordeal that entitles him to go do sleezy shit a week before we get married?!

If a guy thinks marrying me is going to be such an awful dark prison, he shouldn’t marry me in the first place. Now, if he wants to marry me, he will be free to have his fun with his friends any time he wants , as long as he doesn’t use those moments as an excuse to be unfaithful and disrespectful.

I’m a good person and I think I deserve better than someone who would put me through that crap. That’s just me. 

Post # 107
Member
5 posts
Newbee

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Diana_ :  This thread is 6 years old and she hasn’t been active since. From your post history you’re commenting on very old bachelor party and canceled wedding threads… 

Post # 108
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

It doesn’t “symbolize” anything anymore. That’s in the past, it’s 2017 people view things differently now. A bunch of my FH’s fraternity brothers have gotten married in the past year as well as some people we know from highschool and and their bachelor parties were things like fishing, golfing, paintball, arcades, video gaming. They drank but there were no strippers, or checking out girls at clubs, it was just boys, beer, whiskey, and a good time. 

My FH’s plan is to go golfing and have the guys over our apartment to play video games and drink. It’s nothing out of the ordinary for us. He randomly goes golfing or has people over to play video games on “regular” days

Post # 109
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Yea this is crazy that someone would start commenting on this 6 year old thread….bachelor parties can be respectful and isn’t all that it has been known to be. I know plenty of guys, my SO included, who only plan on going out and grabbing a few drinks. There is no shame or disrespect in that. Some women need to chill out a bit 

Post # 110
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

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honestadvice :  My husband and his friends rented a house and hung out. They grilled and had some drinks ( no passing out). I think it is fine if he has a get together and you should allow him to have fun with his friends. I agree that the strippers and other stuff is a bad idea.

Post # 111
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee

OMG I actually think you have it easy! You have a man who doesn’t want to go to a strip club, all he wants is to be with his buddies, so I say, let him go and have a good time. Trust me, could be way worse! Mine went to a strip club! (nothing bad happened and we trust each other, but still…it’s a darn strip club and I don’t like that stuff). If mine said he didn’t want to do the strip club thing and his buddies all felt the same way, then I would have been more than thrilled to send him on a nice trip with his buddies. I would just count your blessings and let him have fun.

Post # 112
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - Pantagis Renaissance

“what gives” is that he’s doing exactly that… using the time to be with his friends. If you’re really that salty about it don’t call it a bachelor’s party. Then he can go and you don’t have to have hurt feeling for nothing.

Post # 113
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

There should never be strippers unless the bride to be and groom to be are both 100% ok with it. If either party is NOT ok with it and it crosses a relationship boundary for them NO strippers should be part of the bachelor or bachelorette party.

Why are there so many women acting upset about these things? Are you telling your man you don’t like him with strippers and he just does it anyway? Your men sound like losers if they do it anyway.

Post # 114
Member
524 posts
Busy bee

Well… if we are really going to delve into history, let me remind you that for most women the wedding day used to be a pretty sad occasion: you would leave your family to become “someone’s else’s poessession”, you would be subject mostly to terrible in-laws, you would have to work for the entire household, you would have to have sex for the pleasure of your man and bear children (which represented a very high risk of dying). So originally, at least, the bride send-away parties were also an occasion to mourn the happy life as a single person. 

In contrast, back then, a man getting married was pretty lucky, since nothing actually stopped him from having lovers on the side even afterwards, while he got everything he needed for the rest of his wife’s life.

So as you clearly see, the meaning of everything evolves with time in a non-linear fashion. Maybe the husband of this poor woman should have been upset that she was excited to become his wife, because that symbolizes the fact that she is subscribing to the idea that only married women have “made it” in our society, even though clearly she is an independent professional. Well, obviously she isn’t, but isn’t the fact that she is having a wedding a symbol of the subjugation of women to men (or maybe of men to women, as one of my colleagues would say) and how can one be excited about a wedding when there is such a symbol underlying the whole event?

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