Post # 1
Hey guys! My wedding is coming up in early October and no one is planning my bachelorette party. My Maid/Matron of Honor (who is my little sister) threw me a wonderful bridal shower and told me a while ago that due to her only being 20 and living in Colorado, that she would like to hand the bachelorette party off to someone else. Not a problem. My best friend and only other Bridesmaid or Best Man works nights and weekends managing a concert venue and is a little antisocial.
I mentioned to my mom and a couple of my aunts that I would like a fun night out on the town in one of those bar/bike things with my aunts and cousins, but no one seems to be planning it.
My finace and I share a lot of the same friends – we were friends long before we started dating – and most of our friends are guys and going to his [really awesome] bachelor party.
Time is running short and weekends are really starting to fill up with family birthday parties and that sort of thing.
I’m not fond of planning my own bachelorette party because I think it’s a little tacky and I’ve been doing a lot of planning at work and with the wedding. And, honestly, with having to make final payments and whatnot, I don’t really have finacial room to reserve the bar/bike thing myself either.
I’m starting to feel a little forgotten and frustrated. I am moving to Colorado in October (someplace I really want to be and a place that I introduced him to), but my fiance is already out there for work so I’ve been doing a lot of planning myself and would LOVE to blow off a little steam. It’s frustrating to have to plan everything myself and not get to be where I really want to be AND not have a bachelorette party. Any suggestions?
Post # 2
ncjacobs: Maybe you could explain to your sister that no one else seems to be planning anything, that perhaps she could put something together from afar (by contacting your cousins, aunts, friends, etc). She doesn’t need attend the party, but I do think she could plan something being your Maid/Matron of Honor. Trust me, I’m currently in the process of planning a bachelorette from a far, and it’s really not as difficult as it sounds. Good luck!
Post # 3
ncjacobs: It would be nice if someone threw one for you, but they aren’t obligated to, and I know it might be frusterating because you want one, but it is what is it. You had a nice bridal shower at least so you weren’t forgotten. Everyone else has other financial obligations and priorities, and your bachelorette party might not be one of them. If you don’t get one, just let it go. You’re going to be married soon, and the bachelorette party won’t even matter anymore.
Post # 4
I agree that they aren’t obligated to throw me one. The bridal shower was nice, but it was planned at a time that was convienent for my sister, not me or my friends. Some of the people I really wanted to be there were unable to make it and many people had to leave early. I’m not really looking for anything expensive – a night around a fire with a few beers works for me too. I spend a lot of time with my family and right after the wedding I am moving far away from them.
Post # 5
Sorry, but you cannot make other people throw a party for you. And… if you can’t afford to do it yourself why do you think that other people can and expect them to foot the bill? Not sure what a bar/bike thing is, but if you want to go bar hopping (on a bike?) with your friends, that should not be difficult to organize yourself and should not be that expensive, either.
Post # 6
Can you have a joint bach party with your FI? You’ll get to blow off some steam and not have to worry about planning anything extra.
Post # 7
I didn’t have a bachelorette either (bridal party far away and half guys), although Darling Husband had a mini one with his dad/brother (fishing trip).
I ended up planning a “Pre-Wedding Celebration” that we invited local friends to – just grilling, cake, and hanging out. It turned out great – could you plan a casual event like that? Maybe a picnic or like you said “a fire with a few beers”? That way it can be co-ed, takes very little planning, and is low cost. You can even make it byob or a potluck – if you think throwing a wedding celebration is tacky, make it a going-away party instead!
Post # 8
ncjacobs: I don’t know if you’ve ever planned a bachelorette or bridal shower, but it is very difficult to pick a day where everyone can make it. I had 30 people invited to my bridal shower and 10 showed up. Granted, I loved it that way, but people just had different plans. But to call every person and see what works for them is just not feasible unfortunately. Then you might never have even had a bridal shower (and of course your Maid/Matron of Honor wnated to pick a day that worked for her–she hosted it). If you do decide to plan your own bachelorette party/get together, you will find this out rather quickly that it is difficult.
Post # 9
ncjacobs: I feel ya,
My Bridesmaids didn’t plan one for me either.. I understood based on the fact that most lived out of province and would be arriving the same day as the proposed date, one JUST had a baby, and the other one is pretty religious and wouldn’t have been comfortable with it. So, what I did was invite my closest girls over and had snacks and food, and a game . After a few hours the boys came back and we played Cards Against Humanity . The game we played wiht just the girls, my bridesmaid conducted cause she felt bad that no one else even tried to plan one , and so she did what she could from far away to make it feel like a little more like a bachelorette party.
Either way, it was what it was.
I know you think it’s tacky to plan your own, but i don’t see the big deal. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive either. If quality time with your girlfriends/family is all you are looking for, then have them over for food and drinks!
Post # 10
If it was me, I would have my younger sister “look” like she is planning it, but for you to do the whole thing behind the scenes. You can book the bar or the spa or wherever you want to go, but have her send out the invites. That way, it can be exactly what you want it to be but not have to actually make it look like you did it yourself. I’m sure she would agree considering you would be doing it anyways.
Post # 11
ncjacobs: Did you ask you other Bridesmaid or Best Man about it? Or maybe your sis could talk to her? I am not sure if you just know she isn’t very social and assumed or she actually declined?
In any event, some brides have to throw themselves a bachelorette party if they really want one. It doesnt have to be anything formal or even labeled as a bachelorette party. JUst call up your aunts and cousins and say “HEY, im about to be married and i need a night out on the town with you guys! Are you free next saturday night!?” Then get something fun to kickstart the night (a bachelorette scavenger hunt, penis shaped snacks, dirty named shots, fun hats from the party store etc).
Post # 12
This is tough because it is rude to ask people to throw you a party but I know I kind of had this happen to a friend recently. I’m not in the bridal party and didn’t realize until only a month out from her wedding that it looks like no one is throwing a bridal shower, and she barely had a bachelorette but by the time I went to try to plan it we were really too late b/c it would have to be really close to the bachelorette and she really doesn’t have a lot of close girl friends who would commit to events two weekends in a row. I wish I had realized sooner and could have done something months ago. I would try hinting to your Mom again. Maybe drop the cycle beer thing and say again that you don’t think anyone is throwing a bachelorette so it would be fun to at least get together with the women in your family for drinks or a bbq. It might hit her now that your wedding is getting close that there really is no bachelorette. Or you might have your answer that people don’t have the time or money for another event besides the bridal shower.
Post # 13
I’m in the UK, where ‘hen parties’ – as we call them – are almost always planned by the bride herself. She decides where and when, and everyone pays for themselves. Bridal showers are also almost unheard of.
If you really want a party, in this case I think you are going to have to plan it yourself.
Post # 14
I hate to say it that not every bride has stag or bridal shower. I was shock to find out my Maid/Matron of Honor never had a stag or shower (I met her shortly after she got married).
Maybe you can be like me? Nobody planned one for me too, so I took initiative, created a fb event and invited people that I want them to go. Sice I cast the card, my Maid/Matron of Honor start planning my vegas trip for me…edned up 4 of us going out of 8 people, we have fun and I paid for my own trip.
Post # 15
ncjacobs: I understand your frustration but sometimes you have to take the initiative. Even if you are the bride because if you force your friends and family to throw one for you, it will most likely be cheaply done, boring and more than likely something you’d not enjoy. Giving your friends and family ideas through a simple conversation is enough to get them thinking that you want one and here are some ideas you’d like.
I know that it would seem weird to plan your own because I come from a family / province where the job of the bridal party is to plan the bachelorette party for the bride. However, as someone who has planned one before with much difficulty from the bride – she had many limitations because of a underage girl – I’m personally planning my own. I’m even paying for some of it too because I know that everyone else in my bridal party has other financial obligations, including obligations from your wedding (dress, hair/make-up, etc). This way I get what I want, I’m giving everyone lots of notice to get babysitters, etc. and I’m also able to have everyone there and enjoying themselves. I understand that everyone has their own schedule and honestly going out for an entire night is expensive… It should be fun for everyone, not an obligation that everyone invited feels that they have to attend rather than wanting to.
I’m also doing the same for my bridal shower… my bridal party really appreciates it! They have direction rather than not knowing what to do!