@lilsweetie: He considers it his failure, and it pains me to hear him say that. He originally picked out a wedding set on blue nile that he liked, a lot. He showed the set to his mother (My husband has never proposed to anyone. Seeking advice from my best friend was out of the question since I live so far away from her and my husband & she do not communicate, so he went to his mother for advice) and she flat out told him to not buy it because I would hate it.
She said that it would be good of him to buy me something simple and allow me to pick a setting I like, because in her words, “It would be torture for a woman to live with a setting she hates.”
Unfortunately, my husband followed his mother’s opinion instead of his better judgement and bought me a very plain band. As he put it, “It was the cheapest one I could find.”
He regrets not getting the original set. In fact, after I accepted his proposal, he showed me the set he wanted to get on his phone. To add insult to injury, Blue Nile no longer sells the ring set. The way he talked about the rings was amazing — he really, really liked them, and so did I. Even if I didn’t like it, I’d wear anything my husband got me because he put a lot of thought and emotional investment into buying me an engagement ring.
When I told him I loved the ring, it really hit home for him. If I was going to love it regardless, why didn’t he just get the set he liked, that way we could both be happy?
I was hesitant to change my setting because, well, I liked it. But listening to my husband tell me that my ring was his failure, that he hated it, that he hated himself for not listening to his inner voice, well.. his happiness is far more important to me than anything.
I agreed to change the setting. We picked out a set we liked (from Blue nile also) but it was expensive and they have “recently” (Before Christmas) stopped selling it. I also contacted a few jewelers from back home in California and wanted one custom made, but for one reason or another that fell through (A lot of them simply never called us back.) Brilliant Earth originally was going to sell us a beautiful setting but retracted their deal when we told them we weren’t going to buy one of their diamonds.
My husband has not brought up the issue again, and so I’m not going to say anything about it. It’s an expense I can’t really justify unless it’s something he really wants.