Post # 1
Today is my birthday and my boyfriend doesn’t have a birthday present for me. Last night he suggested we go shopping today and I said, “you know I hate shopping, why would I want to do that on my birthday.” and he responded with, “I haven’t gotten you a present yet so I thought you could pick something out.” I have told him that I don’t want to pick out my own birthday present and so I guess I’m just not getting anything now?? I really feel like crying but I don’t want to be upset on my day. He gave me a massage earlier and we are going out to dinner soon, so we are celebrating. My mom keeps texting me asking me what he got me, “I’m just so curious as to what he is giving you” she says. More than anything, I am dreading having to tell people that he didn’t get me anything. For his birthday I commisioned a painting of our dogs and I took him on a ski trip. So c’mon boyfriend, get your shit together!! It would be one thing if money was tight but he is willing to get me something, he just wants me to pick it out. He wanted to go dress shopping and buy me something to wear for our date. I dunno about you, but dress shopping on my birthday sounds really terrible to me.
Am I justified? How would you feel? Any advice/support would be appreciated
Post # 3
I know it’s tough but not everyone is good at gift giving. Unless I give my husband clear instructions on what to buy, he doesn’t know what to get and doesn’t want to buy me things that I won’t end up using or needing. To me, it’s not always about what you get, going out to a nice dinner and spending time together is enough for me.
Post # 4
He’s making the effort, you should too. Maybe he has plans more than the dress, maybe not. But it’s not like he doesn’t want to get you something, and for him to actually offer to take you clothes shopping, for a man that’s pretty huge. I’d say wipe away those tears, look at the sacrifice he’s making in actually doing something that bores him to tears and accept his offer. This is what he wants to do for your birthday, would you be upset and cry if he actually got you something you didn’t like or would you be happy he got you something at all?
This is his gift to you, I’m sure he thought it through as not many men would be the ones to suggest going with you to sit and watch you try on dress after dress. He’s being thoughtful imo
Post # 5
Maybe he wanted to go ring shopping or had another suprise for you that shopping was a cover for? Hence your mothers repeated texts?
The day isn’t over yet so maybe hold off being upset until tomorrow and then if he hasn’t gotten you soemthing you can explain that you are upset by it. You never know he might just suprise you tonight!
Post # 6
I broke up with 2 exes for gift-giving reasons. I hate that I will spend months and months figuring out the perfect gift and then it comes time for my bday, anni, xmas, whatever and it’s ‘i have no money’ or worse – i have money, i just didn’t feel like thinking about something for you. I didn’t break up with either of them the first time it happened – no, it happened 2 or 3 times before I broke up with them. Everyone deserves a 2nd chance (for the most part).
BUT.. is this a joke you think??? Your mom is all interested in finding out what he got you?? Is this like him, has he done this before? Do you think maybe he’s just pulling your tail and he’s planning to propose or maybe give you a surprise over dinner?
I wouldn’t get upset about anything just yet.. Just tell him you don’t mind waiting for him to figure out what to get you, even if it’s just planning a sweet date for the both of you (experiences make the best gifts and memories). If nothing comes in a week or so.. then get upset and tell him that’s not acceptable.
Post # 7
hmm could a ring be involved? If your mom is asking what he got then maybe she knows something is up. Or if he wanted you to pick out your own gift, so what, its better than nothing! 🙂
Post # 8
@pinkgreenandyellow: +1 — I’d LOVE for my man to take me dress shopping! I have the best time shopping with him! Maybe you should take him up on this offer so you can pick out a new dress AND spend time with him at the same time.
Post # 9
I remember before I was engaged that I would always think that everything was proposal related… hahaha… so when I’m reading your complaint, I can’t help but think maybe he has something up his sleeve. Now, I don’t want you to get your hopes up, that’s just what I would think.
I myself am not a very presenty person. I regularly take my fiance shopping for presents and sometimes regift things to my family because I hate having useless stuff around. I don’t know why I’m like this. I don’t care about gifts to me either. Some people just aren’t “gifty.” Sad, but true. You can tell him that it hurt your feelings that he didn’t pick something out for you and hopefully next year he will take the initiative to mosey around the store for a gift.
Post # 10
As others PP said, not everyone is as good at gift giving. I think the expectations you set now will affect the future.
Not today, but tomorrow I would let him know you know that you and him celebrated with dinner but it upset you that he didnt think far enough ahead to chose a present on his own and that its his thought that counts. You want the effort even if its not the most perfect present.
Then let it drop and hopefully for the next holiday he will get the point. I would also let him know in no uncertain terms certain things you would like for yourself when you see them. “Honey, I love this color. Make note that I would love a scarf in this color for Christmas. Honey, I have always loved facials. That is a good present for my birthday”
Dress shopping would be thoughtful, if he didnt know you didnt like shopping so he is trying to think quick. Unfortunately he should know better but at least he is trying.
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
I said it depends; it sounds like your boyfriend really was trying to do something nice for you by having you choose something. My Fiance has done this for me before, his plan was buying something nice that I chose out before heading out to dinner and a show, and I really loved it. It’s hard to tell from the way you describe it (“I haven’t gotten you a present yet” doesn’t sound like it was planned, but then you say he wanted you to pick out a dress), but it sounds like this is what he was planning all along. If he actually had forgotten to get you a gift or ran out of time or something, I’d be miffed too, but if this was his plan, well, that is his gift.
Post # 12
I think it sounds like he wants to go ring shopping, especially with the texts from mom – maybe she knows something?? But it’s also very possible that he’s just lazy.
Post # 13
My Fiance is terrible at buying gifts: birthday, Christmas, etc. I have learned that I need to tell him exactly what I want otherwise I won’t get anything. I usually plan my birthday dinner as well. At first it really bothered me but then I stopped taking it personally and just realized he stinks at presents! He still hasn’t given me a birthday card and my birthday was 20 days ago (and my card is sitting, unsigned, on his dresser).
Post # 14
I’m someone that is really diffficult to buy presents for/ Even my parents who have known me my whole life struggle to buy me presents! So I usually have to drop hints with my fiance of what I need, or he’ll just go with the default: jewellery (which is great, but there’s only so many bracelets, watches, earrings, necklaces, etc. that I can wear).
Maybe your boyfriend genuinely doesn’t know what to get you, and doesn’t want to get you something you won’t like, so he’s asking for your help. Yeah, it sucks that he can’t think of anything, but sometimes it is hard to buy a gift, no matter how well you know the person!
Post # 15
I would be upset. Fi and I have had this exact same fight. I want him to put effort into buying me a present because it matters to me. He may think its silly, but its not silly to me. I told him there are things he needs that I think is silly, but I do it to show him that I love him and expect the same in return. Gift giving has not been a problem since. I do make it easy on him by giving him a few things to pick from and letting him know when he needs to have the present by. He doesnt have to stress about what to get or when to get it and I dont have to stress about if he is getting something.
Post # 16
he didnt know…. throw the man a bone. its not like he forgot. And it only happened once. My Fiance has decided against or just plain “forgot” to get me a card even for birthdays or valentines day. Its not like he forgot the day – he’d plan a great dinner or he’d take me on a trip. He would much rather have a trip a “memory” then a gift or just a card. Not me. I want something to remember it all by. Doesn’t have to be something big – just something. He just can’t comprehend that concept. i feel ur pain – just talk to him.
One valentines day he planned this big romantic evening at home and even made me leave for a few hours so he could prepare. music – candlelight – roses the works…. But when i found out he didn’t get me a gift because “this was the gift” and he “forgot” to get me a card – i tried to hide the tears and the watch that i spent weeks shopping for for him or the card that i picked out. He had to make it up to me on our 1/2 year anniversary 2 weeks later. He did.