No birthday present?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Are you usually the one who plans his birthday dinner and buys him his birthday gift? If so, maybe it’s just a matter of different points of view/ideas about birthday celebrations. 

In my case, for example, my Darling Husband likes celebrating birthdays in a BIG way. So usually, on my birthday, he insists on going to a fancy restaurant or throwing a party. He also buys me a big present, because for him that is how birthdays are celebrated. I am the opposite. I prefer a small cake and homemade dinner. I don’t expect gifts unless it is something I really want, otherwise, I am fine having a good time.

So it was hard for me to see that Darling Husband wanted to be celebrated in a BIG way and be given a birthday gift. We actually had a conversation about it early on our relationship, and I was thankful to know what his choice was. I don’t recall it being overreacting in any way, but I do believe it might depend on how you express it.

Nowadays, I usually ask him a month prior what he would like for his birthday. He tells me his choices and I choose the one I find best. It has worked great so far 🙂

Post # 3
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I’m going to be honest. Some people don’t think birthdays are a big deal. It sounds like he wanted to get you one specific thing, but when he couldn’t, he didn’t want to replace it with something lame and not thoughtful because he didn’t have other ideas. For me, it would not be a hill to die on, but see what other bees think because my Fiance and I don’t give eachother bday gifts.

Post # 4
Member
6805 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

How long have you been together? Is this your first birthday in this relationship? If not, what has he done for your birthdays in the past?

Post # 5
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee

Eh I’d be kind of annoyed that he didn’t even get you a card. Usually my husband lets me plan where I want to go to dinner on my birthday because it’s my day and my choice. I wouldn’t care about not receiving a gift because it sounds like he tried. But not even a card? That’s lame. Lol

Post # 6
Member
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’d be annoyed… I don’t always want a big fuss for my birthday, but I do expect a cake.
If you are getting a delayed present then thats ok, its like an iou, but no present at all, especially when he has said what he was going to get you, is not acceptable. 

Post # 7
Member
13590 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Maybe he doesn’t put the same emphasis on birthdays as you do.  I’d prefer to gloss over my birthday and not tell anyone, and Darling Husband loves to celebrate his.  Perhaps you should have a calm discussion with him about what you’d like for your birthday.  People aren’t mind-readers. 

Post # 8
Member
4260 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

I would say something. but in our house we make a thing about birthdays.  It is normal for us to go out of our way to make the day extra special, so we both kind of expect that I guess.  Not everyone feels that way about birthdays.  Is this your first birthday together?

Post # 9
Member
9667 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

This wouldn’t bother me. Some years my husband gets me a birthday gift and some years he doesn’t. He usually just asks me what I’d like to do and so I essentially plan it and he pays. Neither of us think birthdays are a big deal though.

Post # 10
Member
1945 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would be annoyed, not cool, I can’t believe you’ve marinated over this for two weeks, you need to talk about it so that you each know what you expect for your birthdays. 

Post # 11
Member
4232 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

Darling Husband and I have a rule about gift giving for each other on all occasions: we only ever exchange ‘token gifts’ if ANYTHING because we are both the kind of people who if we want something we buy it for ourselves. We don’t usually exchange bday gifts anymore, and Christmas gifts tend to be in the $30ish range.

THAT BEING SAID: Dangling a ‘carrot’ like that in front of you nd not delivering IS kind of rude! I wish I could advise you on a graceful way to address it with him, but I just can’t think of anything :-s

Post # 12
Member
9100 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Some people don’t think birthdays are big deals: I’m one of those people. Very low-key, I don’t do much for birthdays and I expect even less on my birthdays.

Post # 13
Member
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I would talk to him. Maybe birthdays weren’t a big thing in his family growing up so he doesn’t realize it’s important to you. FWIW I effing love birthdays and I love planning a special day for my Fiance when it’s his, and he does the same for me. So I get where you’re coming from and would feel the same. But it sounds like your SO is a nice and loving partner, so I think if you just gently tell him you’d like if he could surprise you with a gift or a nice day planned for your bday in the future that would mean a lot.

Obv it doesn’t have to be some $$$$ gift either. It’s really the thought that counts with birthdays. My Fiance got me a few gifts for my last bday, including a beautiful and probably fairly expensive dress from Anthropologie, but the gift that meant the most was this calendar he made, where every month is a different photo of our cats doing something absurd. It probably cost him $10 to print the calendar, but the fact that he spent time thinking about a gift that would make me smile, thought up the idea, and executed it meant the world to me. I think that’s all you’re asking for here (for him to be thoughtful and show you he treasures you), and its’ not unreasonable!

Post # 14
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Personally, this wouldn’t bother me. Is this y’alls first relationship together? If not, does he typically get you things for your birthday? Personally, my Fiance goes all out for his birthday every year by having a party while me on the other hand, I prefer a dinner and just chilling out. I don’t care so much for gifts. Some people are not gift giving people just as there are people that love getting gifts because they perceive it as love. Nothing wrong with either of the two. If it really bothers you, just talk to him. Let him know that you noticed he didn’t get you anything for your birthday not even a simple card.

Post # 15
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

oh, I would be in your shoes too… my partner doesn’t really care about birthdays, and he’s one of those guys thats always had someone else do the thinking for him. I just made it clear that presents need to be thoughtful, not expensive… he is still weird with gifts and we’ve been together for years now. I kind of think that even if it is an IOU, there needs to be SOMETHING to unwrap (ie. I got tickets to the lion king musical for my mum a couple of years ago, so I gave her the blu ray and explained why… ). Maybe he is still planning on getting you the awesome thing he thought of?

I would just sit down and explain that while it IS the thought that counts, the thoughts need to be put into some kind of action… and it could be a card, a cake, or a small present and it will have just as much meaning as a big expensive present. Hey, it could be waking up to a room full of balloons and streamers… sometimes the biggest impact comes from spending the smallest amount of money…

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