(Closed) No bridal shower planned? Do I plan my own?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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julybride93:  Wait I’m confused. Is this your second marriage? Because in the good bridesmaids thread you said you were already married. Or are you having a wedding redo? 

Post # 17
Member
2409 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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julybride93:  so to be clear, you said you don’t want gifts. You just want to host a party for which the purpose is to shower you with gifts.

and this is not gift grabby how?

again, have a luncheon with your loved ones.

Post # 19
Member
243 posts
Helper bee

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julybride93:  No one is being snippy. I think you’re just upset because you’re not getting the answer you want to hear. 

1- a ‘shower’ is a gift giving occasion and it is in extremely poor taste to throw one for yourself. 

2 – you don’t want gifts and aren’t registered. Then why the need for the event to be called a ‘shower’?

 

Throw yourself a celebratory ladies luncheon and say ‘no gifts please’. Or ask your bridesmaids one more time if they could please throw a shower, and offer to pitch in behind the scenes. But throwing your own shower is not the answer here Sorry!

Post # 21
Member
2409 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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LAX03: ++

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julybride93: and help was offered, and you ignored multiple bees who suggested alternatives.

Being logical isn’t the same as being snippy. I’m sorry that what’s obvious to multiple bees is not obvious to you, and that you think that we’re being “snippy”

Post # 22
Member
243 posts
Helper bee

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julybride93:  I’m sorry but if you don’t think it’s in bad taste then why the need to validate this from strangers on the Internet? Do what you want and do what makes you happy then. 

Post # 23
Member
1786 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I get how it sucks that no one is throwing one for you, but you can’t really expect anyone to take the lead on this. If your friends are young that might explain why they didn’t understand that the Maid/Matron of Honor often throws the shower. If your number in your username is a suggestion of your birth year then it’s understandable that you don’t know the etiquette yet. However, you’ve already mentioned you don’t care about gifts so then really there’s no point in the shower. Since you said you just want to celebrate with loved ones, then just celebrate at your reception. I wouldn’t even do the luncheon since your bridesmaids don’t seem too interested in being involved with much anyway. I’m not getting a bridal shower either for the record. It’s just a “suck it up buttercup” type of situation. Life goes on.

At the end of it all the only thing that really matters is your marriage to your best friend. Enjoy your wedding and don’t let the little things get you down. Seriously, life is too short to care about all that piddly crap.

Post # 24
Member
1152 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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julybride93:  I say plan your shower, I feel like shower and birthday parties  are the same 

Post # 25
Member
6263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Why ask a question if it doesn’t matter what people will tell you as answers? You clearly REALLY think you need a shower so plan your own And be done with it. Also, what is your “time of struggle?” planning a wedding like everyone else? Stop it.

Post # 26
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’ve seen Bees here get extremely rude and snippy for other people not knowing exact (and in my opinion, outdated) etiquette. I agree with 

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Chaedra. Just throw your own shower. Call it a shower. And if you’re that nervous about seeming gift grabby then throw “No gifts needed” on the invite. GASP! Mentioning the word gifts on an invite! Call the church elders! Be burned at the stake! 

Post # 27
Member
36 posts
Newbee

Wait, aren’t you the one you titled your last thread by stating your bridesmaids were “useless?” I’m sure they would love to throw you a shower if they knew what you called them behind their backs.

Since your family is out of state, and your bridesmaids that live near you clearly don’t seem too concerned with bending over backwards for you, I guess I just don’t see the point of the shower period. I don’t even care what the proper etiquette is whether you throw one for yourself or not, it just seems like extra stress when your priorities could be elsewhere. I think you’d be better off just saving your energy to celebrate at the actual wedding (afterall your main point of this all is to celebrate, correct?) You only get one day, enjoy it. If no one throws you a shower, then tough. You asked for people’s opinions if they think you should throw one for yourself or not and that’s exactly what people have been giving you. It’s not the PP’s fault that their honest responses aren’t what you wanted to hear/see. If you truly think you need a bridal shower or whatever you want to call it, then just do it. You have your mind set on it regardless of what anyone says.

Post # 28
Member
8408 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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julybride93:  “I think “shower” is just a word, it means different things to different people.” No it doesn’t. Words have meanings and the meaning of a shower is a party to give someone gifts. That’s what it is. I’m sorry you don’t feel supported. You can host your loved ones if you want, but you definitely should not call it a shower. Calling it a shower and saying “No gifts please” (or worse, “no gifts needed”) does not make sense. Believe everyone here when they say you WILL be judged and looked down on if you throw your own shower. It is saying “Come celebrate the wonder of ME! And bring presents.” Have a party if you want, but just call it a “get-together” or “luncheon” or something. I didn’t have a shower either. I eloped. Do I wish I’d had a party where everyone oohed and ahhed over me? Yes. Do I wish I could have gotten some nice dishes and towels, etc? Yes. Did I/would I ever consider throwing my own shower? No. It isn’t done.

Post # 29
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee

I would plan a pre-wedding gathering by all means but steer clear from calling it a shower as it does imply gifts will be given, and that’s not what you want.

It sounds more like a hen party / bacherlorette that you are wanting so maybe call it that.

Post # 30
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee

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Daisy_Mae:  Yes, thank you! Words mean things, people! Throw your own party, it sounds like you want to celebrate and that’s great but if you call it a shower, people will think you’re expecting gifts. If you say “no gifts”, people will be confused. Just call it a party. Not a big deal, I don’t know why you’re saying people are snippy because the only Negative Nancy I see in this thread is you…

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