(Closed) No bridesmaids?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Hostess
1440 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Our bridal party consisted of our flower girl and ring bearer. It was so great to avoid the drama that I’ve heard other bees talk about!

My girlfriends and sisters still did a girls weekend in New Orleans for me, and I ended up having two bridal showers. 

One thing that I really enjoyed was inviting my 3 best girlfriends, sisters, and mom to hang out with me all day. I even got them all matching robes and my hair and makeup ladies took care of their beauty too. 

My closest friends and I all live really far apart and coordinating dresses and all of that would have just been too stressful for me. I felt like our plan allowed me to have the fun of a bridal party without the headaches!

one of my friends did say that it hurt her feelings a little that I didn’t do bridesmaids, but she got over it before the wedding. Her son was our ring bearer and she got ready with me. I think by the end, she was glad that she didn’t have to get a certain dress or any of that. And another friend’s MOM was upset about it and couldn’t wrap her head around the concept of no wedding party. But it worked out beautifully. 

Post # 18
Member
379 posts
Helper bee

One of my best friends didn’t have one, so I can speak from the perspective of the friends who theoretically would have been asked. She basically cut out everything from the wedding that could have been stressful, including bridesmaids. It did make sense though, because she has two friend groups (which don’t speak to each other – long story, it’s their fault) and several cousins for whom she was a bridesmaid. So they threw her shower, and she asked us to plan a bachelorette. We asked what kind of format she wanted (laid back, going out, etc.) and planned it. Then it turns out her other friend group planned another bachelorette for her on my birthday. And it was a laid back, weekend away for just them; we would have preferred to do the same, but fulfilled her wishes in inviting everyone (including the other friend group). We took so much time to be cordial, make sure everyone could afford it, make sure she didn’t have to worry about anything, etc. But, there still was drama — we sort of hid our anger to the fullest extent, being her friends, but it was there.

I’m having bridesmaids now. So far it’s been fine. They were really tight lipped when dress shopping, which was ok but also kind of frustrating, because they kept saying everything was nice, and when it came time for them to pay, I wondered if they all hated me/the dress. The only issue we’ve had is one of them forgetting my shower date, and then having a sibling plan their wedding on the same day. I was able to move it, but was really lucky because there was only one more day available, and somehow it worked for everyone.

Post # 19
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
zl27:  +1 this is what we did. my sister was my Maid/Matron of Honor and lives 800 miles away. So a very close local friend volunteered to go to my dress and all other beauty appointments and stepped in for cake tasting when Fiance had the flu.  My sister planned a morning of ladies brunch (many men came too instead of playing golf) instead of a bridal shower since everyone was from out of town and I did not want anyone to feel obligated to travel twice. And a spa day and fancy dinner at my favorite place a few months prior in lieu of a Bach- which I did not want (they all live in 1 state and I travelled there and paid for the flights of my 1 friend who lives near me who’d gone to all of my appointments with me)  my three best GFs helped with everything from getting ready to last minute errands to late night chats the night before – they volunteered and I knew they meant it so I accepted all needed help when offered.  If they are true friends, they will want to help eve if they are not BMs 

Post # 21
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

We didn’t have a bridal party and it was definitely the right decision for me/us. Being a bridesmaid is CRAZY expensive. I’ve been a Bridesmaid or Best Man 3 times and each time I spent over $1,000 after all was said and done (bachelorette, shower, traveling for them, dress, shoes, hair, makeup, nails, hotel, etc.). I would never do that to my friends. My Mother-In-Law offerred to throw me a shower but I declined because we’re 31 and don’t need anything. My group of close friends decided they wanted to have a bachelorette/girls weekend so they organized everything and surprised me, which I totally wasn’t expecting at all. As for setup and help, I took whoever’s help that was offerred and had plenty.

Post # 22
Member
924 posts
Busy bee

I will agree that it just depends on preference . The only wedding I have ever been in was when my cousin got married when I was 9. It was a family only thing (they got married at the house, her sister in law and our aunt were MOH/bridesmaid, I was jr bridesmaid, and my sister and her cousin from the other side were flower girls, and her other cousin was a jr groomsman, and whatnot. So anyway, when my best friend got married her sister was Maid/Matron of Honor and her stepson best man. When each of my other two best friends got married, they each had a local friend as a bridesmaid/MOH and that was that. However, i’ve always envisioned mine in being bigger, and because I’m equally close to all three friends, it would be hard for me to pick just one (we all met at the same time, stayed in the same circle for 20+ years) so I’m not really closer to one over the other. On the other hand, because I’m so close to them, and vice versa, we have that kind of relationship that if I said something I liked and they didn’t, they’d say it. So our situation is a little unique. Also, my parents will be helping some, and I know if I didn’t include my sister (which I want to, or two of my cousins, who I”m also really close to) my mom probably wouldn’t help. So it comes down to either getting help, or not, childish as that sounds (on the other hand, my mom stated that any guest she would like me to have she is paying for, which takes the heat off me, because many are family who I’d like to invite, but since they’re her family, she’d be payin gfor them, so it all works in the end. 

I don’t want a bachelorette party, or any showers, and have made sure they all know that, and hopefully no one tries to pull a surprise because I won’t be happy (I hate being center of attention, and its bad enough that I will be on the wedding day… but knowing I’ll have those people around me comforts me). I actually also got the idea from a wedding I attended a long time ago, where they had a huge wedding party, but there weren’t that many guests (maybe 20 who weren’t in the wedding… mainly parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles, and they paid for the dresses and tuxes, but it was still small, but they were surrounded by the nearest and dearest up at the alter. While its different from the norm, I really liked it. 

And I know I got off topic from your original post… got distracted as I was typing, but in the end, its all about what YOU (and your Fiance of course) want. 

Post # 23
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m having my sister as my maid of honor and my cousin as my only bridesmaid. My fiancé has 2 brothers and they will both stand as best man. That’s it.

My fiancé and I agreed we didn’t want a whole crew of people up there with us. Sometimes it just turns into a circus. We just feel that if anyone should be up there, it’s our siblings. I will still have a bachelorette party with my girlfriends (and my fiancé will have a bachelor party) and I’ll still have a shower. We also plan on honoring our friends by asking a few to participate in our church ceremony, having our photographer do photos with us and certain groups of friends, and having our DJ recognize everyone who graduated from each of our respective colleges. I feel like we’ll do just fine making those friends who would have been in a bridal party feel special, without having to give people responsibility, work with schedules, travel, shell out added expenses, etc. 

Post # 24
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

The plan is to have no bridal party. I love my besties, but I just don’t feel the need to make them pay $200-330 for a dress they will only wear once. Because let’s be honest, they will never wear it again.

But Fiance would like 8 groomsman, because including him, it would be 9! A baseball team! ::eyeroll::

Post # 25
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

No bridal party here either. 

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