(Closed) No Bridesmaids…. Can I ask my friends to all wear coordinating colors?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
Member
865 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I don’t think you can force your friends to wear a certain color, but I don’t see any problem with letting them know that your vision for the wedding is “copper, blush, rose gold” tones or whatever the palette is specifically, and asking if they happen to have something that would coordinate, if they’d please consider wearing it. If these are your closest friends, I can’t imagine they’d be offended or feel micro-managed. I’d love to help a friend achieve her vision for her wedding, and I’ve seen photos of weddings where guests were asked to dress in a color palette or a theme, and it seems like with the right crowd people get really into the idea!

Post # 32
Member
670 posts
Busy bee

It really depends on your friends and how you plan on them being part of your day and of course what’s typically done in your friend circle. If you don’t want to do the bridesmaid thing but want them in a lot of your photos and are doing off-site photos with them and such then it kind of makes sense you’d want them coordinated. My friends weren’t offended at all when I suggested this as I explained my situation as to why (which I’m not going to get into), they all understood. They are also the type of people who would tell me straight up if they disliked the idea. I had about three colours and everything worked out fine. 

Post # 33
Member
619 posts
Busy bee

bbucklew:  I love your inspiration pics!! 

I did something similar to what you’re describing, and all NINE of my Bridal B!tches were super excited to take part in it! We got married in the courthouse and had a big summer party. All of these girls volunteered themselves to me if I needed help. There wasn’t much I needed, but the girls that enjoyed DIYing help with some things, some of them asked me to shop for their dress with them, a few got ready with me on the day of the party, and they helped with little things on the day of. I was able to get a bunch of really fun pictures with the girls that have had the biggest impact in my life. And, I’m happy to rexport that I didn’t lose any friends over it. They were all very happy and very excited to be part of our celebration.

if your friends are anything like mine, they would be honored to be distinguished from the rest. It’s a beautiful thing to be part of a dear friend’s wedding, even if it’s just wearing something new and fun. Good luck bee!

Post # 34
Member
894 posts
Busy bee

How exactly is it ok for a bride to force her bridesmaids to pay for an expensive bridesmaid dress from a bridal boutique, but not ok for the bride to let her friends know a color palette where they can choose their own dress?

Just throwing that out there because I cant really understand the comments about how innapropriate it is to make your guest go buy an outfit. I always buy a new dress for any of my close friend’s weddings if I dont have one to wear, even if it means a cute dress from target. No big deal.

Post # 35
Member
47279 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your friends don’t need to wear a specific color dress to distinguish themselves from the rest of the guests. All the rest of the guests are family.

I think you would come across as a cheapskate who wanted the benefits of bridesmaids, without any obligation on your part e.g no obligation to purchase them a bridesmaid gift.

But, as a pp said, you know your friends best. Maybe the are fine with the responsibility of a bridesmaid without the title or the honor.

Post # 36
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m all for wedding parties (all the guests) dressing in a similar style or color (hello Kim K black & white or Solange’s all-white). However, the request should be made to ALL of the guests not just your girlfriends. A friend was Maid/Matron of Honor at her besties very small (less than 20 ppl) beach wedding and everyone wore shades of blue. I’m sure that was not by accident. The pictures looked gorgeous too.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by  CurlyCue.
Post # 37
Member
8988 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I dunno, I don’t think I’d mind too much . But it would depend on the colour  , aint nobody  going to make me wear/buy pink or lilac or blush  or similar, unless   I’m an actual bridesmaid  .   

Post # 38
Member
450 posts
Helper bee

littlebee94:  Bridesmaids have to accept the bride’s invitation to be an attendant, knowing what is involved with participating. A prospective bridesmaid, if she was unable or unwilling to buy and wear the bride’s chosen attire, could ask to step down and attend the wedding as a guest, in the outfit of her own choosing. What’s being suggested here is removing that middle part of the friends accepting the responsibility and honor of participating – the guests are being asked to wear specific clothing without being asked to be an attendant. So now those particular guests have to decide whether to attend wearing the bride’s requested colors (which they may or may not be excited about, but probably won’t come out and admit it if they aren’t), attend but wear their own clothing of choice (and probably worry they’re pissing off the bride), or skip the wedding. It just seems like a very awkward position to put friends in.

Post # 39
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I dont think you should hint by telling them your wedding colors, I think you should just ask.  I know if someone made a point of telling me their wedding colors I’d assume they meant they didn’t want me to wear those colors.  It wouldn’t bother me as long as the person getting married didn’t require me to wear an expensive dress.  I’d just find a simple dress off of Amazon or from the thrift store for 10 to 20 bucks or so.

Post # 40
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Nooo.

I didn’t have bridesmaids, either. My 3 brothers stood with me through the ceremony, and I paid for their tux rentals. If I hadn’t been paying, I wouldn’t have asked them to wear anything special.

So I guess you could…if you appoint them a special part in your wedding, and if you are willing to pay.

Side note: I don’t believe in any member of the wedding party paying for their own clothes/anything wedding related. I live in the United States, but I think asking someone to be your bridesmaid (etc.), and then expecting them to pay their own way is the TACKIEST thing ever.

Post # 41
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Ok I completely disagree with the other responses. I think it depends how you ask them and how close you are. If you make it sound like a fun thing that you want to do, considering the circumstances, I think it would be fine. I’m from Nebraska and a girl I went to hs with is a Husker cheerleader so all of her teamates wore red. 

Just don’t be bridezilla about it and have fun with it!

Post # 42
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Home

I think it really depends on your friends and how you ask them. I love my friends more than anything and I’d do a lot to help make their wedding dreams come true but if I was just a guest, I’d be a little upset being asked to buy a dress in a color not of my choosing exclusively to attend the wedding. Personally, my complexion is extraordinarily pink so various shades of blush look awful on me. If I was asked to wear this color as part of my bridesmaid duty- no problem. I’d suck it up because I accepted the title. If I was asked to wear it as a guest- not so much. 

Post # 43
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I think this is one of those ‘know your crowd’ type of questions, it all depends on the personalities of your friends. I would possibly run the idea past my most difficult/picky/challenging friend and use her response as a litmus test. 

If you are going to do this, I think you need to choose a color scheme that most people already have in their closets, for instance asking friends to all wear black should be relatively straightforward as most people own some sort of black dress. 

Personally, I would be happy to do this for a friend. The only thing I may grumble about is if it is already a destination wedding I may feel put out by having to shell out tons of money for flight and hotel and also a new dress on top of that (I would grumble but still oblige).

Post # 44
Member
5188 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

bbucklew:  You want your photographer to take a “me and my bridesmaids” shot without honoring them as actual bridesmaids, yes? Why else would you care what they wear? Your friends are not photo props. Please don’t ask them to match your wedding colors.

Post # 45
Member
1219 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I buy clothes that suit my style and colouring and that I’m likely to wear again. Personally, if I was asked to buy a copper, blush, or rose gold dress for a wedding where I wasn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I wouldnt be too happy. I would feel bad for saying no, but would def. never wear it again so would be wasting my money.

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