Post # 1
I know this topic has been broached before, but I’m still not entirely sure how to respond. I had a wedding that was on the smaller side, and as a result, didn’t invite most of my co-workers. I did, however, invite one of my co-workers and her husband as I viewed her more as a friend, and really wanted her at the wedding. Well, it turned out that she was the only one at the entire wedding that didn’t give a gift. I know people will say that gifts aren’t required, that I really just wanted her there so it shouldn’t matter, and while all of this is true, I would have appreciated even a card ( I honestly don’t care about the monetary value of the gift). I’ll omit all the nitty gritty details, but to make a long story short, I know she lied to me about getting me a gift, and I’m now left not knowing what to do. At the end of all this, I just feel disappointed. This is someone whom I’ve known for years, have treated her out to lunches, bought her baby shower, Christmas, birthday gifts, and she can’t even get me a card. I’ve even considered that perhaps they’re in a tight economic situation, but just a week after I got back into the office, her husband showed up to take her to lunch at Neiman Marcus and to buy her more gifts there, so… I don’t know how feasible that is. What would you guys do in this situation I really appreciate any of your thoughts and suggestions.
Post # 3
It is entirely possible that she did get you a gift but that the order was cancelled without her knowledge, as this happened multiple times to my mom and also another guest when they tried to get me items on my Bloomingdales registry.
Stores are not allowed to “store” a credit card number for more than 30 days. Many registry items like china and crystal are special order only, meaning that even if you go to the store they will just take your credit card and order it. A LOT of special order items take more than 30 days to precess. After 30 days, if the order hasn’t been fulfilled, the store just cancels the order. Sometimes they notify the buyer, but most of the time they don’t. So your friend might have ordered you a gift and assumed you got it, but in reality the order was just cancelled. The policy sucks.
In my case I knew what was happening, but I only told my mom and never mentioned it to the other guest. Just too awkward to explain, and really I was happy enough knowing that she did at least try to get us a gift. I sent a thank-you to the other guest anyway.
Post # 4
Is she expecting a thnak you card from you?? If so, or if you wanted to write one, I would just say thanks for coming to the wedding, I was really happy to share my special day with you. Other than that you can’t really do anything, and it kinda sucks. There could be a toally reasonable explination for the gift or card not being there. Maybe she put her husband in charge of it and he left it in the car or is fell somewhere. And like you said, you don’t care about the gift, you just wanted her there, and she came. Don’t stress over it and let it cause tension that you have to live with at work every single day.
Post # 5
if she told you she sent a gift, maybe it was lost or misplaced. I would tell her that you are putting together thank you cards and you are concerned that you cant find her gift. i mean, why would she say she brought a gift if she didnt. I had people tell me they were going to send gifts (that never came), but no one claimed to have sent one and I didnt receive it.
I feel your slight though. especially since you see her every day! bring it up. if she didnt really sent a gift, at least she can be uncomfortable for a bit.
Post # 6
Sorry about the messed up post/text – I think my computer is acting up! To get into some more detail, she claimed that she got me an AMEX gift card, and when I told her I never received it and that she should stop payment on it, she said she was able to get her money back.
I even asked her twice if she was able to stop payment (kind of a “gentle” hint), and both times after answering that she was able to stop payment on the AMEX gift card, she would just change the subject. Personally, if the same thing happened to me and I was told my gift card was lost and I was even able to stop payment on it, then I would at my earliest convenience get the couple another card or replacement gift as it’s clearly not costing me anything.
I’m not sure what to think at this point! I find it hard to believe that someone would just lie, on the other hand, nobody else’s cards/gifts were lost…
Post # 7
I really don’t think that there is anything that you can do. You just need to move on entirely. If you want to be really nice, write a thank you card just thanking her for attending. Some people just suck. 🙂
Post # 8
I just sent a thank you card to thank her for coming to the wedding so that maybe the couple we invited would get a clue to send us a gift. Some people are just selfish. At least you weren’t in a situation like my sister-in-law who’s maid of honor didn’t give her a gift and literally had the audacity to tell her that she doesn’t give people wedding gifts. She stated the only person she ever gave a wedding gift was to her twin sister when she got married. Talk about bull!
Post # 9
I would quit mentioning it to her. Send her a card thanking her for coming and be done with it.
Post # 10
I have to say that it doesn’t matter if she bought you a gift or not. Even if she lied about it – I’m not sure how the subject was brought up in the first place. You hosted a wedding ceremony and reception and all you can expect from a guest is the pleasure of their company, anything beyond that is a bonus. Although it’s proper etiquette to bring a gift to the wedding, it’s not a requirement. She didn’t commit to pay for her meal and then not reimburse you…
Post # 11
@Miss Carmel: I never asked for a commitment to pay for the meal, and definitely not for guests to “reimburse” me. Like I mentioned, it’s not even about the gift itself, rather that a “friend” would act in this manner. This sounds cliche, but it’s truly the thought that counts. I would have been more than happy with a thoughtful card.
I’m definitely not going to bring it up to her again, but was just wondering how others would respond – whether they would send her a thank you card or not, or other suggestions.
Post # 12
@AR0307 – I’m afraid that this is just one of those topics where is very easy to sound gift grabby, regardless of what your intent was. (And although you may have just wanted a card, most of your post was about the missing gift. It wouldn’t be hard to for a reader to come to a conclusion different than what you mean.)
Post # 13
That is just WEIRD! I don’t get why she would lie about it! Seriously bizarre… some people are just strange like that, but it sounds like you guys are pretty close, so it makes it even more bizarre to me! Sorry you’re facing this situation; I hope you smooth it out soon. 🙂
Post # 14
Lying through her teeth (even about a gift card) sounds pretty neurotic – which makes me think that that vast majority of the population wouldn’t do it.
Is it possible that she never got around to stopping payment, or that there was a problem with the process, and she’s embarrased to admit it? I mean, seriously, is she even slightly ‘blonde’ (in behavior, not hair color)?
It’s also possible that she feels your hinting is rude, and that you’re asking for the gift after the fact.
I’d agree with CorgiTales – write her a thank you note and let it go. It’s done.
Post # 15
AR0307, I understand how you feel. You’ve been there for her, and have acted with proper etiquette. She seems to not have done that. Based on what you said, it’s not as though she doesn’t have the money for a gift of some kind. And while soemthing could have slipped her mind, after briging it up mor than once, how can someone keep forgetting???
However, as some pps have said, some people just suck. I agree write her a thank you note for coming to the wedding. (I’d make it like two short sentences.) Maybe she’ll snap back to humanity one day. But whatelse can you do?? Just let it be, and know for next time that you might not want to get tangled in her social events, or go sans gift.
Post # 16
That really stinks!
What I’m learning though, is no matter how much money a person has, some people just aren’t thoughtful in the gift giving department. For whatever reason, they can’t see that their lack of gifting or even acknowledging (with a card) an event like a wedding is important. I think people figure that there are so many presents, that it won’t really matter if you get one less.
I hope your co-worker manages to surprise you with a gift later on – but, based on what you’ve said, I don’t think that will be the case.
If I were you, I’d send her a thank you for attending the wedding and leave it at that.
Maybe she isn’t lying about the AMEX card – or maybe she was so embarrassed that she didn’t, that she made the story up. How did that conversation come about?