No card or gift from 1 wedding guest… now SHE'S getting married

posted 7 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Well it’s great that all your other friends could afford to give a gift after traveling to a destination wedding.  Not everyone can and it sounds like this friend couldn’t.   I think that when someone needs to travel for your wedding than it’s safe to assume that the $1000+ plane ticket/hotel room/rental car/other misc expenses is your gift.  I certainly wouldn’t give a gift if I was spending a lot to just get to a wedding.   

Post # 48
Member
678 posts
Busy bee

 So you’re obviously upset at your friend for not giving you a gift at your wedding using the logic that everyone else gave gifts so they must be required for a dw. But by that same logic you don’t have to bring a gift to her dw (which is not actually a dw) because you think gifts aren’t required since it’s a “dw” ? Just say you’re petty and don’t want to get her a gift because she didn’t get you one.

Post # 49
Member
13405 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would still give a gift, since I don’t think that weddings are tit for tat.  They clearly spent a lot to go to your wedding in another country and are also not obligated to give you a gift.

You are not obligated to give them a gift either, but not givng them one because they didn’t give you one is inappropriate, in my book.

Post # 50
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

If you want to be the definition of tit for tat lol. Just do whatever you would do for any friend. Take the high road and buy her a damn food processor. What a waste of time to even care. I had a wedding people had to traavel to and almost no one got us gifts. Didn’t give a crap.

Post # 51
Member
1688 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I personally cant imagine wasting my time on this situation.

We had a localish wedding (1 1/2 drive).  We didnt have a wedding to get gifts – we had a wedding to celebrate with our nearest and dearest.  Most gifted and some did not.  I dont know their reasons nor do I care.  The only reason I noted it all down was for thank you notes.

Gift your friend what you would typically gift, taking the non-gift at your wedding out of the equation.  I would say that if you had a local wedding, led alone a destination wedding where I’m sure your friend paid more to attend than a typical wedding gift costs!

Post # 52
Member
1915 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

I would give them a nice heartfelt card and a gift card to a nice dinner

Post # 53
Member
2354 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I’m sorry but I don’t understand everyone’s obsession with cards. I get that people want well wishes but weddings are a choice. Why have a wedding that you have to pay for just to EXPECT that people give you things for it? It was YOUR choice to have it and you obviously wanted those people that you invited to attend to celebrate you, not get gifts. If that’s the goal then don’t have a fuxkin wedding and keep your money and marriage to yourself. People can tell you congratulations through text, phone call, online, etc. You pay for no wedding they don’t have togive a gift. I always give cards and gifts but im not into this whole weddingbee mindset over them. It’s ridiculous to be entitled to a card or gift for anything that you’re choosing to have. It’s even more ridiculous to me how many bees specifically keep tabs on who gave what and who didn’t give. I sent thank you cards for what we received and didn’t think twice about if someone didn’t give a gift. I was happy for everyone who celebrated us. 

Post # 54
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Vineyards

She should have at least given a card. It’s not that hard. I would give her exactly what she gave you – nothing

Post # 55
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2020

How about gifting them a donation in their name? It’s still a gift, very thoughtful, but they won’t be actually receiving anything. 

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