(Closed) No cash bar (be a good hostess) VS Play the music you want (it’s your day)???

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5797 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I didn’t say it in the other thread but I think completely dismissing your guests taste in music is being a bad hostess (not the worst offense ever). When you entertain you should want your guests to have a good time if that means playing one Bieber song (heaven forbid!) I think the couple should suck it up.

Post # 4
Member
5073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

here’s my thought

the CEREMONY is about us

the RECEPTION is about our guests.  It’s a thank you to them for sharing our day – I want it to be as much fun as possible for them.

I’m not imposing my personal feelings – I’m a vegetarian but we’re still serving meat because our guests are not vegetarians.  I don’t drink but we’re having an open bar because some guests like to drink.   It’s not about us, it’s about them.    

Post # 5
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I really don’t think they’re the same thing.

 

I think that the wedding should not be a generic party- it should reflect the personality of the couple.  That includes music and food.  We’re having no meat since we don’t eat it and we’re not playing pop music that we can’t stand.  We’re not playing death metal and I certainly didn’t include a lot of my fave Sex Pistols songs, for example, but we’re totally not going to mar our mood by playing music we can’t stand simply because it’s popular.  That said, we want people to dance, and we’re playing danceable music.

 

I’ve never been to a wedding where there was a cash bar… most of our guests are long distance and I could never ask them to shell out more money just for alcohol.

Post # 6
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

I absolutely directed my DJ not to play certain songs/types of music. He politely told our guests that he didn’t have access to whatever song they were asking that we said no to. Specifically, Darling Husband grandmother asked us to play this ridiculous song about getting divorced. We decided “hell no!” and told our DJ.

I’m vegan and we had a vegan wedding. No one complained, and everyone ate.

We did a beer and wine bar for the reception and full bar for the cocktail hour. We wanted to be good hosts, but really… the day was about us.

We wanted our guests to feel comfortable and have fun, but it was within the bounds of what we were comfortable with.

Post # 7
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

I think it’s entirely possible to veto certain music choices, especially popular music, without ruining guests’ experience. There is TONS of danceable music out there that isn’t Top 40! I plan on playing a small selection of current pop music mixed with big band, fun 80’s/90’s and some celtic rock – I imagine most of my guests will be pleased as punch and have a great time.

Making your guests to pay out of pocket for alcohol (or occasionally even ANY beverage at all) is another story. That, imo, does ruin the experience. I generally don’t go to a party with the expectation that certain elements will require me to pay money – especially a formal party that I’ve already spent a ton of money on (clothes, travel, accommodations, gift, etc.)

Post # 8
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

So I had a BIG veto list on music (mainly 1970s). On my wedding day, my guests actually brought CDs and made my DJ play them. It wasn’t as bad as I thought… But yes, there was a conga line at my wedding.

Post # 9
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think the main reason couples have cash bars is because they dont drink alcochol and they are mindful that most of their guests dont either. If a couple has a cash bar knowing most of their guests will drink alcohol, thats not being a good hostess.

The same thing must be kept in mind with music. Us brides have to remember that even though its our day and all that, its really not only for us. Your guests are coming because they love you. They are taking time off work, finding a sitter for the kids, paying money or bringing a gift.. the least we can do is keep them in mind with music. Throw on a pop song, a country song, a rock song and then stick with the most of what you like. Its all abotu balance and respecting guests as well as yourself.

Post # 10
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’m pro-cash bar, but I still see a difference between having people pay for drinks vs. not playing the Chicken Dance/Top 40s/etc.

Post # 11
Member
5797 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

@PinkMagnolia:  lmao, they were PREPARED

Post # 12
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Not playing someone’s favorite song is a LOT different than making them shell out $40 just to have a few drinks at your wedding.

 

Post # 13
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@80sbee:  Or the person is having a cash bar because they know that their family members are otherwise going to be getting sloppy-drunk on their dime.

Post # 14
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It was hard for me to let go of the music and let the DJ play anything he wanted. He was a great DJ and ultimately the reception is for the guests. It just meant that Darling Husband and I didn’t get to dance as much as we wanted (we’re really, really good dancers). Luckily we know how to disco.

Like another poster said, the ceremony is for the couple, the reception is for the guests and you should do everything in your power to make it comfortable and enjoyable for guests.

Post # 15
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Jenniphyr:  I think if people are looking to get drunk, they will pay to get drunk. They wont enjoy paying for it but they will

Post # 16
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Jenniphyr: I went to a wedding once with only wine/beer being served and several heavy drinkers went to a local liquor store and bought bottles of liquor and brought them to the wedding. If there’s a will, there’s a way. Not having an open bar won’t stop anyone.

The topic ‘No cash bar (be a good hostess) VS Play the music you want (it’s your day)???’ is closed to new replies.

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