(Closed) No Chicks Allowed? Probably an irrational vent…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Our group of friends has started to segregate like this at family or daytime parties – although its not a “no girls allowed” thing – most of the girls end up in one area with all the babies & toddlers running around and the guys are in another area.

I tell my husband that I don’t want to be the only girl hanging out with the guys, while all the other girls are in another area – so I just deal. Eventually those girls who arn’t mothers will go find the guys to get away from all the kiddos, so at least there is that balance.

I just see it as a part of life, and the older we get, the more kid friendly functions with friends is going to happen more and more; and inevitably I will be forced to sit and smile and play with their kids, while the guys are off telling dirty jokes and drinking beer…oh to be a woman! 🙂   

Post # 4
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My husband has a guy friend that is always trying to make things NO GIRLS ALLOWED. It annoys both of us cuz we actually enjoy being together and doing things together. The friend has a girlfriend that we both get the impression she smothers him so he desperately needs guy time.

Your situation sounds a little more complicated considering it’s family functions. 🙁 Maybe encourage your Fiance to stick with the girls sometimes or maybe you could discuss it with the rest of the family?

Post # 7
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee

Definitely not a fan of the “no chicks allowed”.  A bit sexist, no?!  Personally, I can chat with the women, but only for so long before I need a break and a beer with the guys.  So, I totally understand where you’re coming from.  I wouldn’t be too happy if I was excluded just because I have boobs and a vagina.

Post # 9
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

That is really tough.  When our friends gather, we tend to segregate but there arent many kids yet.  We dont mind segregating because then we can drink wine and gossip with no judgement by them.

With our family there is also segregation but the kids wander out with the men too… and the ladies drink just as much.  I’m sorry the women aren’t much fun.  That really blows.  I agree that is 100% not fair since the women are no fun.

Post # 10
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It’s like that in my family too if we have bigger family functions. I got excluded from a lot of things that I liked to do, like going to the lake to go fishing, or taking the boat to the river (both of which I really enjoyed doing with my dad) just because I didn’t have a penis. I just had to deal with it though because I couldn’t really come up with a valid reason (to them anyway) why I should be able to tag along with a bunch of guys to go do guy things.

When it’s just my family and step siblings though I usually hang out with the guys and they don’t mind.

Post # 12
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Cougar09:  I’m all for “girl time” so I would be a hypocrite to not allow the guys to have their time, BUT when it happens at every family function?  I would be beyond annoyed.  Why are you expected to have something in common with the females just because you have the same body parts and are capable of popping out babies?  I would be tempted to cut back on the number of family functions I attended. 

Post # 14
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh my god, that would piss me off. What decade do they live in?! It’s one thing if it just kind of happens, like I know if often does at family gatherings around the holidays, but for the women to just be dismissed like that…I also love the unspoken rule that the women have sole responsibility for minding the children.

I mean, what, are they afraid their swear words will burn your tender little ears? 

Post # 15
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Separate times for “the gals” and “the guys” can be great, if it’s a pre-arranged thing specifically for one group or the other. But with family, and at every get-together? Reminds me of the segregated post-evening activities in an Austen novel: men in the smoking room with cigars talking politics, women in the parlour playing bridge and gossiping. 

As for what to do, you have a few options, the first being to simply refrain from attending some family functions. If that’s distasteful or not possible, you’re left with “dealing” with the mom & toddler crowd, or joining the menfolk.

If it were me in your shoes — and with my personality and non-kid interest, I’d be in your shoes! — I’d grab a bunch of cold beers and lead the way to the porch. “Hey guys, I got this round! Anyone catch the no-hitter hometeam had going until the 8th? Man, what a game!!” and grin, grin, grin. When they inevitably respond with something snarky or intended to get you to go away, just shrug and say “nah, I’m not into the whole diaper discussion. I’d rather hear how last week’s fishing trip went! Did you really catch a 10-pounder?”

And finally, your Darling Husband needs to subtly reinforce your presence. No laughing if the guys tease, no eye-rolling, just tacit support by sliding over on the sofa so you can sit.

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