(Closed) No children at my wedding!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

It’s definitely up to you, especially if you’ll be serving alcohol. Some people will fuss/be offended/what have you, but like you said, you spent too much and put too much effort into this to not have it go the best it possibly can. If you are going for a non-kiddie kind of feel, that’s your decision. That being said, we’re inviting like 40 kids to our wedding (I wish I was joking). But it suits us and the wedding we’re having. Do what’s right for you. If you won’t look back and regret not including the kids, then go for it.

Post # 4
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

We had no kids at our wedding and it was WONDERFUL – I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Lis.smith is right that some people will be offended at first, but they will get over it.  I learned very quickly that some parents think their kids are more important that anything in the world, but then once the wedding date came closer they began to look forward to a night out without the kids. 

It wouldn’t have been "my" wedding if I had kids there — I would have been miserable and frustrated the whole time.  So for me, no kids was the only option and it saved us money!

Post # 5
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Our wedding is a family affair and kids are a big part of our family. The kids are welcome and we wouldn’t have it any other way. But we are both laid back people and don’t mind the kids running around. And for the most part, all the kids invited (ages 2-15) are well behaved and the parents are responsible. But that’s us, in the end it’s your day and if it’s that important to you, stick to your guns and be firm. Because if you aren’t and some kids show up, you’re going to be stressed. And the last thing you want on your wedding day is to be stressed.

Post # 6
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I think this is a personal issue.  We are having an adult only reception as all the children in our family are toddler age and it is an evening wedding.  People need to do what works for them and if that is your decision then I say go for it.

Post # 8
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I would make it clear in the invitation.

Post # 9
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

PUt the adults names on the envelope — put Adult only reception at the bottom of the invite and have friends and family spread the word.

Post # 10
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

It’s funny, I have only brought my kids to one wedding which was my BFF who has kids and nieces and had an outside park setting. I’ve never paid much attention to whether they were invited or not just assumed that they don’t belong at the average fancy wedding? Of course at my own, there will be my teens and my nieces(1yrs-15yrs) and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Point is it should be common sense to those who are considerate to what type of event you have planned and those that don’t get it and would be offended might not get the envelope either. Make sure your friends or family make it politely clear to the parents.

Post # 11
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

It’s entirely your choice who to invite and hopefully your guests won’t be offended but rather look forward to and enjoy a night without their kids. That said, of course someone will be upset but that person should certainly not be you at your wedding! Make sure you use the adults names only on the invite so its clear only they are invited. If your RSVP cards have a space for number attending I would suggest writing in the number of adults the invite is meant for…just to really bring the point home clearly.

Post # 12
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

ARe you having a website?  One thing you can do is to have a link regarding childcare options.  Our venue is a hotel which is giving us a couple of suites for the weekend.  Since my parents won’t be using theirs, we’re planning to have it stocked with snacks etc throughout the weekend for Out of Town guests.  On the night of the reception we’ll probably hire a babysitter and have a special dinner in the suite for the kids (though in our case it won’t be too many b/c most of my friends don’t have kids yet).  I’m planning to put this information on the website without explicitly saying "no kids" or "adults only".  I’m hoping that its clear.  It really doesn’t make sense at our wedding to have small children at our dinner (b/c of our friends and family’s ages, there’s no one in the in between age groups)…but this way they can be in the same place, their parents can check on them, and they can come down for dancing if they are still up.  It’s not that I don’t want them there at all, but I really think even the kids would be bored sitting through a long dinner and I don’t especially want to deal with extra hassles in seating arrangements or pay an extra $100 for a kid to complain about their food.  

I agree with tmarie, I would expect it to be fairly obvious that a very formal event would not include kids who aren’t immediate family (in my case my very young nieces will probably both be in bed by the time dinner starts anyway).  And I know I’d never have wanted to attend such an event when I was a kid.

Post # 14
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Are there any single mom’s invited? This was always an issue for my mom because she was never able to leave me home while she attended a wedding out of town. As a result, I ended up being the only kid at many wedding when I was little and I loved it! I was annoyed one year when I had to stay in a hotel room and babysit my cousins because the couple was firm on this issue.

That said, I understand where you’re coming from and I say, do what makes you and your Fiance happy! Just make it clear on the invitation (as the others have said) so that people don’t freak.

Post # 15
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

There’s nothing wrong with not inviting children (or with only inviting some children).

Just address this invite to "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe" (instead of including "and Family").

Post # 16
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

I had over 400+ people invited to my wedding without children. The only children we had were our flower girls and ring bearers. We just put on the invitation, "Adult Reception at…" There were a few people who called and asked if they could bring their children, but we had a no exception rule. We just didn’t have the money to include everyone’s children, and wanted other friends there instead. It’s completely up to you, and a good way to ensure that it happens is to put "Adult Reception" on your reception cards.

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