(Closed) No Children except for…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

i got nothing, because unless they are part of the wedding itself i think i’d be pissed. and i have kids so if you invite said no kids, i didn’t bring mine, and saw kids there i would be a little annoyed, or i’d think that whoever brought them was a dumbass, lol. sorry i have no advice!

Post # 4
4485 posts
Honey bee

Be prepared to have offended guests, even if they don’t say anything directly to you, because you are playing favorites. As far as kids are concerned, it’s generally all or none.

Post # 5
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am the oldest of all my cousins.  They go from 7-28 (28 being me and the 7 year old is my flower girl).  My family is super close and I could never imagine getting married without each and every one of them there.  I wish that all of my future nephews would be at our wedding but since they live in France we are not sure if they are all going to be able to come.  We are also allowing a few other couples to bring their children.  Of course they are families that we are very close with, one of their parents is part of the bridal party.

Post # 7
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Can you give those kids roles in the wedding? Flower girls, ring bearers, junior ushers, etc.? Seems like it’s pretty normal to see weddings with no kids except bridal party, and that would put them in that category and hopefully resolve it for other guests…?

Post # 8
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Who are the other kids that you wouldn’t be inviting?

I’m inviting kids if they are related to me or Fiance. So the kids of my coworkers and other friends are not invited. I’m not putting anything saying “no kids allowed” on the invitations, I’m just going to address the invites to their parents. I don’t feel too bad, since all of my friends/coworkers are local, so it should be easy to find a sitter. Also, I don’t really know their kids in most cases.

Post # 9
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I actually think in most cases you are perfectly fine only inviting your nieces and nephews.  I completely agree with Kartz 710.  I don’ think even inviting kids generally, means you need to invite the children of coworkers.   

I think a lot of couples are naturally closer to their nieces and nephews than other children.  They are kind of like second parents, often.  Protective and guiding in their own role.  So they have a higher “status” than other children.  (Your cousins’ children….your friends’ children.)  The only way I think that just nieces and nephews would be wrong, is if you were close to other young family members.  Maybe you have a little cousin who really looks up to you, you babysit for, etc.  Then I could really see some hurt feelings.  Other than that the only way I think I’d be offended with seeing children, and not having mine invited, is if some of my cousins got to bring their children, but I didn’t.  Or if some of my friends got to invite their children, and I didn’t.

I can’t guarantee that no one will be offended.  But so many guest list decisions offend people.  It’s hard to avoid it, even if you’re trying to do the right thing.  I would also consider oakster’s suggestion of maybe including these children in the wedding. 

Post # 10
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think there’s a chance that some people might be offended, but I also think that if you set a rule and stick to it, many people will understand. Some parents might even prefer to attend a wedding without their young kids.

We’re not inviting any kids to the wedding, with the exception of my 15 year old cousin. He’s the only cousin who is under 18, so our rule is the only under-18 guests are first cousins. Neither of us has any neices or nephews, so this only excludes the children of our cousins (and there are SO MANY it would be impossible to invite them all).

Post # 11
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

The “exception” thing is tough because there will be people who will be offended. We are only inviting children in the wedding party. Just be prepared to have your line (immediate nieces and nephews only) and stick to it. People will get over it and they will still have fun! 🙂

Post # 12
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We are only inviting neices/nephews, if cousins have a problem b/c their kids aren’t invited to our expensive reception then tough. Sorry I’m being mean but I’m SO sick of hearing “can your 2nd cousin who you haven’t seen since you were 5 bring her son Johnny” um no…2nd cousin isn’t even invited duh, small intimate wedding to Fiance & I means exactly that. Plus I know how kids act on my side of the family, they run around and are wild, not what I want at my wedding.

Post # 13
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am in a similar situation except I moved to another city and my family is coming from out of town while my FI’s family lives here.

However, we did not state that it was a “no kids” wedding, we are making exceptions for those that are from out of town and have young kids like my FI’s cousin.

Our venue only holds 90 ppl, his family alone is 45 and mine is 16 so I have explained to those who have asked or assumed that they could bring their kids that unfortunately our venue cannot accomodate everyone’s kids.

We addressed our invites specifically to those we were inviting and we have expressed to those who have asked that they are more than welcome to bring their children to the ceremony however with the limitations of our venue we are unable to accomodate them for the reception.

Totalling up all of the children of our extended family and friends it would be about 30 children and at that point we couldn’t even invite our own friends including the bridal party.

Although our guests may be upset, we let our venue dictate the numbers so we haven’t had anyone be upset and have been very understanding; at least to our face….

The bottom line is that this is your wedding and you can’t make everyone happy, having children at weddings is very expensive and you should have the people at your wedding that you want and not be guilted or shamed into it.

Post # 14
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

We are only inviting the kids of our siblings.  We aren’t saying ‘adults only’, but we aren’t inviting any except for immediate family and making it very clear that’s the case (verbally).  

I have that ‘every potential sitter’ issue with some of the guests – but, I’m not making it my issue.  They have plenty of time to figure out the logistics!

Post # 15
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

At my friend’s wedding, they wrote something on the invitations like; ‘we regret that, apart from a few exceptions of the wedding party, we can not accommodate children’ and I thought that handled it very well because people expected to see some children – who were very close to the couple – but knew that in general, children weren’t invited.

Most people understand that you would want your nieces and nephews there, that’s not playing favourites, it’s close family.

Post # 16
45 posts
  • Wedding: September 2010

FH and I are at the point we dont really care about others’ etiquette opinions, but we, like Kartz 710 are only inviting children that are in our families.  Friends and coworkers are just being invited as couples or plus 1’s.  It may be very selfish of us but we are pretty much the last of our friends to get married, and a lot of our friends now have kids.  We still want our friends to have a great time and not have to leave early to put the kids to bed or something.  I love kids, dont get me wrong, but I want more of a party atmosphere for the reception.

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