(Closed) No children wedding, can’t figure out what to do…please help!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

do you mean “respectfully” instead of “respectively” on the invitation?

Post # 5
Member
6350 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would possibly invite the 2 older children from your side, as I think it might look odd if you don’t and there are other older ‘children’ there; plus, I don’t think a 13 year old is really a child and so shouldn’t cause you any problems. I just think it’s easier to have a ‘blanket rule’.

Otherwise, I definitely think you should make your policy clear on your save the dates and invites, so that people know exactly where they stand; not everyone will read the FAQs, and I think you need to make it crystal clear on the invites so that you avoid any awkward moments eg having to call people who’ve included their kids on their RSVP and say ‘sorry, no kids invited’.

I think the wording you’ve suggested it perfect: it’s clear, firm, polite, but not too apologetic.

Post # 7
Member
6350 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

Yes, I would say it is; if they don’t understand what adult’s only means they probably need help lol.

Be warned: you may still get phonecalls; you just need to stand your ground. And whatever you do, don’t be too apologetic. If anyone does question it, just say ‘I’m afraid it’s just not possible’, and leave it at that; don’t offer reasons (like space or budget) as they may try to find ways aorund this (eg. ‘we’ll pay!’) whcih leaves you in an awkward position.

Post # 8
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If people do call and ask (which, in my opinion, would be pretty rude), maybe you can mention that the venue is unfenced and near a lake, which makes you concerned about the children’s safety. A friend of mine had her reception at a place with tons of priceless antiques (definitely not kid-friendly or safe), and she mentioned that on her website–and no one brought kids. 

Post # 10
Member
6350 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@likelimeade:  

I think the problem with this is that some people will probably try to find a way around it; eg if you say you don’t want children there because it’s near a lake, they might say ‘Oh, don’t worry, we’ll keep an eye on them, it’ll be fine’, which then leaves you in the incredibly awkard situation of either implying you don’t trust the parents, and are still concerned about the safety of their children, or having to give another excuse. It’s honestly best IMPO not to give any excuses at all; I’d say the only feasible excuse is ‘we simply do not have the space’ (which is the case of us; there is space for 50, we are having 50 guests; there is phyiscally no space for anyone else). Any other excuse, and if someone is rude enough to ask that you invite their children anyway, they will probably be rude enough to challenge your reason/’offer an alternative’.

Post # 12
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

You should invite the teenage children. You can choose set the age at 13 or 14, and then exclude all under that.  I don’t see how you can politely invite one 13 and 16 year old and not the others age 14-17. It depends on your budget, but it might be nice for you to hire a sitter to stay in the house with the uninvited children and to supply them with games and pizza. That will ease the nerves of parents who would otherwise be leaving their child with a total stranger. You could also allow all the children at the ceremony and only close off the reception if you did that.

Post # 13
Member
6350 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@mrsSonthebeach:  

With all due respect, I am sure the OP has thought of this, and has reasons for not wanting young children at her wedding, inc her ceremony, that go beyond space and cost.

I also personally don’t think coules should have to provide a creche, I really think it’s crazy. I’m sure most people coming have someone they know and trust who can look after their children while they are there, and I am sure that if they are unable to attend because they can’t find childcare, that the OP will be understanding.

Post # 15
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@barbie86:  With all due respect, it looks like she hadn’t thought of providing the sitter, and I only gave a suggestion about the ceremony. If she’s worried they’ll fuss, she doesn’t have to expend the offer to let them come to the ceremony.

People who live nearby should have no problem getting a sitter, but what about families who are traveling? I knoe if I had an 8 month old, I’d be scared to leave him/her offsite with a sitter I didn’t know for 6 or 7 hours.

I’m sure the OP would understand if someone couldn’t attend because they couldn’t find childcare, but in an ideal situation, one could prevent that from happening, if possible.

Post # 16
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@leila0915:  Sounds like no kids at the ceremony is a good idea for you then.  Breakables + children… not good.

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