Post # 1
It’s been done before, it will be posted again but I’m just looking for any advice on wording for our invites. Our families are the sort of families who see children as an extension of themselves and therefore it’s not good enough to simply put “To Mr & Mrs Smith” as they will assume that means kids to. This is my brief draft so far, I’m just wondering what other people have put on their invites:
“Unfortunately, due to constraints on seating space we are only able to accommodate children from our immediate families during the afternoon reception. However all children will be very welcome to attend the evening reception. We very much hope that you will still be able to join us and if you do encounter any problems then please do not hesitate to get in contact.”
As much as Future Mother-In-Law wants all the families children at our wedding we just can’t do it, not without not inviting a single one of our friends. If we invite all the children then we are way over, without inviting any friends. If we don’t invite children of the extended family then we are 2 under- which means 2 more people we actually know.
A lot of children in the family are total strangers to us, including the children of a cousins second wife and a cousins husbands 18 year old niece who theyve adopted (FFIL said she’s probably have a plus one- and I did put my foot right down there!)
Post # 3
You should never mention any one who is not invited.
You should spread by word of mouth, and by inviting only those guests that you want in attendence.
You should also follow up personally, and privately with anyone who proves themselves a boor by RSVPing for guests not invited.
Putting a blurb like you have proposed alienates your polite guests. I would be put off to be “told off” before I had ever done anything impolite.
Also you absolutely can invite kids whom you are closer to, and skip those that are not. It would be quite rude for a guest question why one child was invited. I would probably give stunned silence to anyone who questioned my right as host to invite people that I am close to regardless of the age of that person.
Post # 4
I would put “ceremony and reception are 18+” at the bottom of the invite or rsvp card
Post # 5
@andielovesj: I completely understand where you are coming from and I know that is the correct format to just put the names on the invitations, but I honestly don’t think that the people have in mind would get that it’s just an invite to the two people that the invite is addressed to
It’s not that I’m massivle fussed about screaming kids, it’s literally just the space thing and there is no room for a single person to turn up without an invite- major major worries
I just thought it was becoming a more common thing to put a little note in on the Information card
Post # 6
I would put something that the afternoon reception is adult-only. I would NOT mention that this doesn’t apply to immediate family on the invite, just personally tell the people who it doesn’t apply to. I also wouldn’t put any reasoning because if you put a reason, that invites difficult people to counter that particular reason. Like if you say it’s because of lack of space, they’ll want to know if they can bring their kids if you get some unexpected regrets, or whatever.
Post # 7
Don’t put a reason. You know why? Because you don’t have to. Just invite who you want to invite. Any reason you give, people will try to argue against. So don’t give one.
Don’t put anything on the invites – you don’t start by assuming that people are going to do the wrong thing. Address them to who you want to invite, and if people RSVP for extras, you can then explain it to them. They’re the ones who look foolish in that case, not you.
Post # 8
@Darcy212: I honestly don’t think that the people have in mind would get that it’s just an invite to the two people that the invite is addressed to
I understand what you are saying, but the most polite way to handle the situation is to follow up with those people privately letting them know that there has been a misunderstanding and that the invitation was only for Fritz and Helga, and unfortunately young Wilhelm cannot be accomodated, but you hope they can still make it.
Yes it is a little more work then just a blanket statement on an invitation, but it is what is most polite. You will have to decide if you want what is easiest but impolite, or what is most polite, but slightly more difficult.
Post # 9
@Darcy212: here’s what I put on our website, but after consideration theres only like 3 kids so we are removing this restriction but just to help out here is is:
For our wedding we would like our ceremony to be grown-ups only, so for those with children we have hired an on-site sitter who will be available from 3:30pm until 5:30pm. Kids are welcome to come to the reception following the ceremony. We understand that it can be difficult to find child care especially in a different town, so if you are looking for extended childcare for the day/ night please let us know! We hope that parents and non-parents alike will enjoy the opportunity to let their hair down for the day and party with us!
I think you could shorten it to:
For our day we would like it to be grown-ups only. We hope that parents and non-parents alike will enjoy the opportunity to let their hair down for the day and party with us!
Post # 10
First option- include a babysitting referal for the night. Inclue a quick note stating “We really look forward to seeing you Jim and Mary. We hope that your babysitter’s schedule will allow you to attend. If you are looking for a new sitter, we highly recommended (sitter’s names and numbers with their consent or care.com link)”
Second option: On the RSVP- asks guests to circle yes for 1, yes for 2, or regrets. they will get the hint when they don’t see an extra number.
Post # 11
I agree with these ladies. I was really concerned about this too, especially after my Mother-In-Law told me that in their family they just did casual weddings so people would bring extras and whoever they wanted and that I might as well not even bother with RSVPs!!! (Yeah, pretty sure she was just bitter because we were having the formal wedding she wanted for DH’s sister but couldn’t convince her to have, and also that I wouldn’t let her invite every person she has ever met.)
Luckily, I did not listen to her and we did not have anyone bring extra people or children. What we did was on the RSVP cards we wrote, “We have reserved __ seats in your honor. __ out of __ will attend.” We filled in the first and last gap with the number invited, and if the number they wrote in was higher than ours, we had to call and have a slightly awkward conversation – but luckily that only happened once!
Post # 12
Thank you 🙂 I will look at ways of putting a strict no. on the r.s.v.ps
The trouble is the more I try to apologise and explain myself, the more there is for them to argue against!
This is the downside of being the youngest in our families!
Post # 13
@andielovesj: See, I think following up privately just would piss people off and you’d have a lot of flouncing. Yes, it’s proper etiquette to address the invitation to the invitees and for them to reply for only those people, but most people don’t know anything about etiquette at all, so I think you’re better off just putting “Adults only” somewhere.
Post # 14
@Darcy212: The trouble is the more I try to apologise and explain myself, the more there is for them to argue against!
That is so true, and is exactly why you shouldn’t waste your breath with the explanations, they jsut use it as ammunition! I find it’s usually best to find some generic one liner that you can repeat if anyone complains. Something like, “We’re sorry if it makes anyone unhappy, but this is what Fiance and I have decided on.”
Post # 15
Put it at the bottom of the response card. It’s simple and blunt and thats fine.
Post # 16
I am also only wanting adults at the recption, expect for close family. I am wording my invitations as “followed by an adult-only reception”.
I would be short, simple, and to the point about it. 🙂 Good luck!