(Closed) No close friends for bridesmaids

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Sassafraz in Toronto, Ontario

What makes you feel inadequate about it?

I’m going the same route for the same reasons, and honestly it is a relief for me because it means I don’t need to wrangle a bunch of people for my “special day”, and can just enjoy some low-key planning and celebration. 

Post # 3
Member
371 posts
Helper bee

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Kimmypossible:  Unsure if this helps. I won’t have friends as bridesmaids either. Mainly because we’ve lost touch since high school. I didn’t have many friends mind you. 

My bestie who I’ve known for 18yrs won’t be a bridesmaid. But her eldest daughter who is 2 will be a flowergirl so they’re still included in the bridal party. 

My bridesmaids will be my 2 sisters and cousin. Family really. 

I’ve a colleague who didn’t have bridemaids. She’s in a very tight nit group of BFF’s but still decided not to have bridesmaids. From what I recall, I think the main reason was to cut down costs. She had an intimate garden wedding and the reception was cocktail. Her flowers and reception decorations were DIY as well. 

Post # 4
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

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Kimmypossible:  I’m on the same boat as you, I too don’t have close friends. I think the reason why you feel this way is because everyone and especially the media (movies like bridesmaids and wedding shows on TLC) make such a huge deal about having a bridal party. I have seen weddings (I used to work with a floral designer as her assistant) where the bridal party was so insanely big. One wedding had 14 bridesmaids…each! Which means that with bride and groom, it was 26 total in the bridal party! 

 

Some me people just naturally have a big group of friends that they can count on to be in their bridal party. Some people don’t invite just close friends…some invite people that they’re just good friends with. It’s different for everyone but I don’t think you need to feel inadequate. Look at Kate Middleton, she only had 1 and it was her sister. Bridal parties are over rated sometimes so don’t let it get to you. 

Post # 5
Member
7601 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

All my friends are people I met as an adult. I don’t feel like they are any less special or important just because I didn’t go to elementary school or high school with them. We have a special bond— it’s called friendship. You don’t need to grow up with someone to love and cherish them. Most people I knew in high school were superficial twats and bullies so my kind-hearted, loyal friend that I met at a bar 5 years ago is worth waaaaaayyyy more to me.

Be grateful for the friends you do have, and celebrate them, instead of looking for reasons they are inferior.

Post # 6
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - Ocean front

I agree with all of the bee’s  feedback….

Athough I have a bunch of great friends from years back,  they will be guests not in the bridal party….I am just having my cousin (like a sister) as Maid/Matron of Honor and my SO having a Bridesmaid or Best Man then we asked his son and daughter (21 &16) to stand up too as Jr Bridesmaid or Best Man and Groomsman. We wanted a special/intimate and goup of just closest family and friends….75 max is what we agreed luckily we both have small families which helped in that number. 

We don’t want people we either don’t know or havn’t seen in years there…also keeps the budget down and allows us to really enjoy everyone that means alot to us. 

Don’t feel inadequate just enjoy the ones you love who will be there to share your big day!! :+)

Post # 7
Member
364 posts
Helper bee

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Kimmypossible:  I AM SO JEALOUS! i have 7 and I just went down to la with them yesterday on dresses and im still recovering. Let’s trade places please!😜

Post # 8
Member
2026 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I feel very similarly. I have a decent/smallish number of female friends, but none I felt close enough to ask to be a bridesmaid. It doesn’t help that I’m not great at staying in touch with friends from college or previous locations. I also don’t have sisters or feel close to my cousins. So, no bridal party for us. My fiance’s best friend (close friend of mine as well) will be officiating the ceremony and kind of acting as his best man. 

In some ways, I’m really happy to not have a bridal party. To me, it’s my and my fiance’s wedding, and the focus is on us and our relationship anyway. But, sometimes I’m also a little sad, thinking it would be nice to have people to celebrate with prior, like a bachelorette or shower or something, and to get ready with me (besides my mom/close family).

Anyway, that was TL;DR, but I do defintiely empathize with what you’re feeling, but you’re certainly not inadequate… and enjoy this process and your big day with the most important person there, your fiance!

Post # 9
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

You will be ok. Just focus on you, your fiance and the planning. If you are closer to any of them you could ask them to be on your wedding. I met 1 of my bridesmaids 2 years ago and I asked her to be on my wedding party

Post # 10
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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Kimmypossible:  Yep. My husband has two best guy friends – one from high school and the other from college – who both served as his best men. Sooo, I felt some pressure to ask two people when it really should’ve been just the one I could count on, as she is a close friend and somewhat the catalyst in my husband and I having met each other. 🙂 The second person I asked in desperation is a colleague and a friend I’ve known for 12 years, and I could tell she found it odd that I asked her. She accepted, though, to be nice. 

I’ve never really been the gaggle-of-close-friends type, and have been comfortable being alone most of my life. I barely had friends when I was in school because I didn’t mind being alone, but peers made me feel as badly about that fact as possible. It sucked.

Post # 11
Member
1321 posts
Bumble bee

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Kimmypossible:  

I think you just need to realise that people move in and out of your life constantly and just because you’re not close to many women right now, doesn’t mean you don’t be another time. 

For what it’s worth, I had my fiancé’s brother’s fiancée as my Maid/Matron of Honor because she was the girl friend i was closest to. Through planning my wedding I met 2 lovely women at my work (one of them was planning her own wedding so was asking similar questions on our work “buying/selling/advice” page and the other was a seamstress whom I got to alter my dress); I didn’t know either of these women well enough to have them in my bridal party when my wedding rolled around but we have kept in touch and I now consider one of them my best friend. If I got married again right now she would absolutely be a bridesmaid, but that’s now how things worked out. 

ETA: my husband had 4 groomsmen + a best man (his 2 brothers, my brother and his 2 best friends). I still just had the one Maid/Matron of Honor and it didn’t feel unbalanced to me because the fact is my husband and I both only have brothers so there were always going to be more men than women. I wasn’t going to make more people bridesmaids just to balance the photos! 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by truthah.

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