(Closed) No communication or commitment with boyfriend of 4.5years

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Maybe you’re not worried about him living with his parents, but you do realize the repercussions that holds for the first girl he moves in with – right?  I mean yowza that’s pretty old to have never lived on your own.

If he does decide to eventually make that leap, be prepared to be mommy and girlfriend.

Post # 20
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@issywissy:  For the record, my Fiance is 29 (30 soon) and lives with his parents and he is fully capable of making decsions on his own. If you cannot have a serious conversation about moving forward with him, then I would break up with him.

My Fiance sometimes has a hard time opening up too, so he’ll write me a letter telling me how he feels. Maybe you could write him a letter and tell him how you feel and hopefully he’ll feel less on the spot than during a conversation.

Post # 21
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@issywissy:  If he hasn’t done it for himself, I seriously doubt he’ll do it for you. And if he does, prepare to keep pushing for the rest of your relationship together.

Post # 23
Member
983 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@issywissy:  I know that you want him to want to take this next step but honey, he just doesn’t want to. for whatever reason, he’s comfortable where he’s at and it doesn’t seem like he wants to change. have you guys talked marriage at all? if he was expressing a desire to get married but had a moral objection to living together before marriage, that’d be one thing. Or if he was from a culture in which adult children stayed at home until marriage. unfortunately it doesn’t seem like he has a ‘I want to live here until –‘ goal. I think you need to decide how much more of your time you want to spend convincing him to build a life with you.

Post # 24
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee

His silence is telling you that he does not want to move forward with you.  

Post # 26
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Is he from a more traditional culture where the man is the bread winner and the woman is the homemaker and where the men are not very expressive?  My gut instinct says that he doesn’t want to live in a house that you bought, or go on a vacay that you paid for, or make decisions that he can’t back up financially.  The communication gap would bother me a lot, but getting to the bottom of why he is pushing back and shutting you down is essential if you want to have a marriage down the line.

ETA: just saw your update; yeah, I think this is key.  He wants to be able to support you. Not the other way around.

Post # 27
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@issywissy:  Run.Away! As fast as you can!!!

he lives at home, has never had a relationship before meeting you (so at like 28??)

Red flags all over the place!

Post # 28
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree with most of the ladies above me that living at home with his parents at his age is a huge red flag, even if that doesn’t bother you.

I also think it is a sign of immaturity that he can’t even have a discussion with him about moving forward in your relationship. If you are planning to spend the rest of your life with this man, I am sure you will have to have many, many more serious discussions than this one. Do you really want to have a partner that can’t open up and be honest with you? I know I wouldn’t. I think it is time for YOU to move on by yourself.

Post # 29
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

First of all it depends on his culture. I also know people who lived at home with parents and paid off their school eggs and built up a nice savings.

I think his lack of communication is a bigger deal. How you put up with this for four years I don’t know. You need to decide where you life is going, and if you think this relationship is worth saving give it everything you have, lay everything out on the table, then it’s up to boyfriend to react. Then if he doesn’t step up you have consider moving on I think.

Post # 30
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t understand why he thinks it would be a problem to move in with you since there’s a vague possibility that you’ll someday have to shoulder the bills while he looks for work, but it’s perfectly fine for him to live at home and let his parents pay his bills.  I actually find the latter to be worse.

It sounds like he refuses to grow up and take responsibility for his life.  Unfortunately that’s a huge strike against someone who you’re evaluating to be your life partner.  Like, impossible to overcome.

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