Post # 1
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
So, I don’t know if this is me just being sensitive or if it seems a little odd to anyone else. I am still very close with my in-laws from my first marriage, some of them I’m even closer with after my husband’s death. I think of them as family, and even my Fiance likes them and thinks of them as extensions of my own family. It would seem weird, but honestly it’s nice. I often call my former Father-In-Law my ‘other dad’, it’s comforting. I often share in their happiness, or send messages when things are happening in their life to make sure I’m in the loop.
I got engaged the weekend before Thanksgiving, on vacation in another country. As soon as my phone had service back in the US I texted a few people (off the top of my head, knowing that I’d forget some) and posted it on FB, which is basically how all of us share everything…it’s a big family, calling everyone would take hours. Within hours almost every single person I know either commented ‘Congratulations’, or sent me a message via text or email. I was very happy and excited to share my news. One of my former sisters in law never mentioned it. She has texted me since then about unrelated things, has been on Facebook a lot, but never mentioned it. She and I have never been the best of friends, there have been a lot of hurtful things said to me or about me by her, but she always tries to at least act as if we’re very close. She is married with children that require a lot of attention and care, so I didn’t really think about it at first. The week before Christmas, she wrote on my FB wall asking about my cat (how is he doing, she hasn’t heard any silly cat stories in a while) and I laughed (and thought it was a little odd) and responded immediately, but thinking it was nice of her to remember and that was that. A few days later I got my ring, and after people asked I posted a picture. Again, I got a zillion comments immediately (which actually surprised me, as it was a Saturday and I figured no one would really be on FB) but nothing from her. At this point, I find it a little odd. I know she knows, because both of her parents have commented or messaged me (one of which is without internet at the moment) and she is lives with her mom, plus my brother in law let it slip that there may have been some speculation about whether I was pregnant (I’m not) but then he quickly covered it up and I didn’t bother asking for details…some people live to gossip about me and I’m used to it. Do you find it odd that there was nothing mentioned, ever? I’ll probably see her in the next week or so, and I honestly don’t know if it’ll be awkward or what? I won’t bring it up, but if someone asks me about my engagement (or the ring) in her presence I think I’ll be uncomfortable?
Post # 3
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Maybe she is expecting you to tell her directly. I usually dont reference things that I saw on facebook, if the person dosnt mention it to me directly I just carry on as normal
Post # 4
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
It sounds like she is avoiding your engagement, which might be a difficult thing for her to hear about. It might remind her of loosing her brother and your moving on with your life (no judgement at all). If people bring it up around her be excited and share with them, it sounds like the rest are all very excited for you.
Post # 5
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
Don’t let her bother you. Obviously based on what you said, she isn’t your biggest fan, so why concern yourself with whether she has mused over your ring or engagement?
Focus on the people that are truly happy for you, and that you genuinely love having in your life.
Post # 7
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper
I wouldn’t necessarily avoid the conversation about your engagement nor would I make a point to bring it up. I’m assuming you are seeing her at some joint family type function or social gathering so chances are she and you won’t be spending time one on one. It sounds like she has her set of issues with you and I’m guessing your happiness nor congratulating you on your happiness is on her radar, unfortunately.
Post # 8
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
Thank you, you’re all probably right. I’m just letting past experiences with her get into my head…she acted the same way when I was engaged to her brother, although there was no FB back then, so she just blatantly ignored it and walked away whenever anyone would ask about the ring. Last time I just thought she was mad because she always stated that she had to get married first (she is older than me, but younger than my DH) and it didn’t work out that way. I ignored the snarky comments and just let it all go. I honestly don’t care that she didn’t comment on the ring, I don’t even really care that she didn’t congratulate me…I just had hoped we were past this stuff. When my husband got sick she said horrible things to me that left me in tears, and told vicious lies to my in laws. I let it all go so I wouldn’t come between my Darling Husband and his family, and when he was gone I rally hoped we could sort of bond together. This isn’t the first relationship I’ve been in since my Darling Husband, I even brought an ex to a family function and we all managed to get along fine. When Fiance and I moved in together, she acknowledged it and things were fine. I don’t know, I’m just venting I guess. I was truly happy when I received a message from my former Mother-In-Law about how happy she was for me, and how she knew my Darling Husband was smiling down on us and happy that I am living my life…it’s what he wanted (we had lengthy conversations about this). I may not understand some things his family did while he was alive, but they were a close family and I’m more than happy to remain a part of it. Ugh, it’s stupid. I know there will be plenty of other people to talk to, but in order to see my nieces (her daughters) which doesn’t happen very often I will need to be near her.
