No conversation?= No engagement?

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
7982 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Uh yeah, you should have a conversation. Bring it up tonight and see when he sees you two getting married or if he thinks it’s heading that way. Talking about the future isn’t forcing anything. 

Post # 3
Member
3512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Having an adult conversation isn’t forcing anything. DH and I happily spoke about engagement and marriage regularly before getting engaged. And he was in no way pushed to propose, he happily did it of his own free will, on his own timeline (which to be honest was even faster than my own personal engagement timeline). Not speaking about the subject at all seems bizarre to me and doesn’t bode well for the communication in the relationship. Have you seriously never in three years spoken about marrying eachother?

Post # 4
Member
2967 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

You’ve been living together for a year and a half an haven’t had a single conversation about your future??? 

Yes. You need to have that conversation. 

Post # 5
Member
4098 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

You should absolutely have a conversation about your future. It doesn’t have to be in the form of pressure or an ultimatum. You can bring it up in the form of goals. Where do you see yourself this time next year..etc. You’re in your 30s. Dating for 3 years might not be very long for people in their lower 20s, but by 30 you both hopefully have a clear idea of what you want in a partner. If his response doesn’t align with your goals for the next year or so, then maybe reconsider the relationship if marriage is a deal breaker.

Post # 6
Member
2341 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
evamoo :  Yeah, definitely talk to him. My now husband and I talked a lot early on in our relationship about how we’d eventually get married, what kind of wedding we would want, would we want kids, where we want to buy a house, etc etc. Talking about your future together isn’t something you should be afraid to do.

This doesn’t mean you need to set some sort of timeline right now, but you need to know if he sees himself marrying you, since that’s where you see it headed.

Don’t hold off on talking to him because you’re afraid he won’t tell you what you want to hear.

Post # 8
Member
2341 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
evamoo :  I wouldn’t worry so much about crying, it’s perfectly OK to express your feelings to your boyfriend, even if that means some tears are shed. It’s perfectly OK to tell him you want to marry him and hope he feels the same way and get a bit emotional about it. Just do your best to not make him feel pressured, or give him any type of ultimatum since this will be your first real conversation about marriage.

Post # 9
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

View original reply
evamoo :  try writing it down (not texting). Otherwise just tell him what you want and ask him what he wants. No reason to cry unless you want different things. Then I wouldn’t worry about his feeling blackmailed. 

Post # 10
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2010

You have to talk and it doesn’t make it not romantic to talk about wanting to get married. In my case we had to get on with it due to some external factors but even so, it was still romantic even though I knew my proposal was coming.

Something like “I want us to get married. How do you feel about that?”

Post # 11
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

You definitely need to find out if you are working towards a marriage or wasting your time. I find a lot of live in boyfriends drag their feel because the girl already plays wifey.  Sit him down and have that talk

Post # 13
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
evamoo :  I guess hubby and I were a bit different than others as we didn’t have an official conversation about getting married or engaged. It just organically would crop up when discussing the future (more so kids than marriage actually). There was no talk of timeline for marriage. Do you two ever discuss plans you have for yourselves for the future? What does he say? What do you say? 

 ETA: Saw your update. Hopefully you’ll be engaged soon 🙂

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