(Closed) No dad.. This wedding is harder than I thought.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@jennabug:  Awe! *hugs!*  My dad passed away four and half years ago and I still tear up sometimes thinking about him.  One of the things that would send me into fits of tears after he passed away was realizing that he wouldn’t be at my wedding.  My Fiance and I ended up deciding to go a non-traditional route (we are eloping) so things like walking down the aisle became a non-issue, but I completely understand where you are coming from.  I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. 

Post # 4
Member
2488 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

my parents just got divorced and my dad remarried after six months and his new wife has ruined everything – everything that had to do with my dad was ruined I spent many Lola Ning hours crying over it

Post # 5
Member
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@jennabug:  I feel your pain.  I’m so sorry to hear about your dad.  I lost my mom about two and a half years ago and my brother four and a half years ago.  I was a freaking emotional roller coaster throughout the planning process.  It’s amazing how your emotions can sneak up on you.  My (now) husband knew how tough of a time I was having so he went out and bought me a cute locket.  Weirdly enough it calmed my nerves to wear that locket with their pictures in it during the planning process. 

I know there is no replacement for your dad, but you are so lucky to have a wonderful brother to walk you down the aisle!  Lots of *hugs* to you

Post # 6
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I lost my dad a few years ago. When I met my FH, and realized he was THE ONE, i lost it on so many occassions because I just wanted my dad to be around. I wanted him to met my FH cause I think they would get along great. My dad would have been great when my sister and I stopped talking for a year because of my relationship with FH (long story over stupid stuff). And then FH asked me to marry him and all I wanted was to tell my dad that his little girl was getting married.

I’m getting married in July and I debated for a while about who was going to walk me down the aisle. I knew I couldn’t do it alone because I’m an emotional person. I thought about my mom but I knew I would be crying the entire time if she did it. So I decided my big brother was the best choice. While he isn’t my dad, he is a rock and I know he’ll make me smile and cry a little. And honestly, if I can’t have my dad, he really is a good choice.

And I am determined to include my father in the ceremony and elsewhere during our special day. Groom will be wearing a red tie (i hope) in his memory (personal story). I’ll be putting some kind of trinket to remind me of him on my flowers. And we’ll do something at the reception for in memory.

So while my dad won’t physically be there, I know he is in spirit. It’ll be tough. It’s tough now. I want him around but I know he is happy for me. Big hugs, I know how hard this is.

Post # 7
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Hugs! My dad passed away the day before my 9th birthday. I’m 33, and its still hard! I will be having my foster brother walk me down the aisle, but will not be doing a dance. He is not my dad, and if I dance with someone else I will ball my eyes out.

Hugs again!

Post # 8
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m sorry to hear about your dad, but I understand where you’re coming from. My dad passed away 5 years ago and for the most part of the planning I do okay. But I think about me walking down the aisle and knowing he won’t be there usually starts the tears. I have a brother as well and my grandpa (dad’s dad) but it’s not the same. Which is why I’ve decided to walk down the aisle alone, hopefully no uncles nor my grandpa are offended but I just can’t see anyone filling that role. I am planning on doing this with my bouquet though so my dad will be “with” me. Please message me if you need to talk or anything, you’re so not alone on this one. 

 

http://pinterest.com/pin/265571709248160314/

 

Post # 9
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I lost my dad when I was 19 and just like you, certain aspects of the wedding would send me into a fit of tears.. I think it’s normal.  I would hear a song on the radio that I knew would be played at my wedding and visions of him dancing (like a goof ball) would fill my head and I’d cry b/c he wouldn’t actually be there on my day.  I just embraced those images and those times I would cry.  I added a locket to my bouguet with his picture so he was “with” me all day long and I came up with a way that felt right for me to walk down the aisle.  I couldn’t picture anyone else doing it, even my brother, or my uncle.. it just wasn’t right so I had my Darling Husband walk halfway up the aisle and then I walked to meet him and we walked the rest of the way together.  It was perfect.  I also did a remembrance dance where we would have done the father daughter dance and asked everyone to join us in memory of my dad.  The dance floor was FULL and I didn’t cry b/c I was sooo happy all day.  So my advise to you is to incorporate your dad and his memory as much as you want into your day to make it special for you and being sad and crying is normal!  xoxoxoxo

Post # 10
Member
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My dad passed away 14 years ago when I was 8. I thought I would also be able to handle it well, but emotions sneak up on you. I completely lost it at my high school graduation and my college graduation. I haven’t had any terrible emotional moments with wedding planning but I’m sure it will come. I am having my stepdad walk me down the aisle. He’s been amazing. But I do intend to tie my father’s wedding band to my bouquet and incorperate him somehow. 

FH lost his mother in July and he’s already said he doesn’t know what it’s going to be like without her. It’s tough, that’s for sure, but at least you will have your brother to walk you down the aisle. 

Post # 11
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

(((HUGS))) I know how hard the planning is when you’re missing someone so important.  My mom died 14years ago and the whole planning with your Mom thing went out the window.   I also lost my older brother a few years ago, so his daughter will be having the same trouble you are. 

I just used my dad for everything, he went with me and my sil/moh dress shopping, he helped with finding a veil and shoes and came up with how to wear my hair.   Can your Mom step into some of the things your going to miss your Dad for?   I’m sure my dad never thought he’d be telling me that the strapless bra I had on came up too high in the back, but he went with it all. He also gave me the locket my mom wore everyday, so I could wrap it around my bouquet (which he actually sat down and helped me assemble all the bouquets).

Post # 12
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

my dad died when i was 16, just before he went to the hospital he told me i was going to make someone really happy one day and he cant wait to be able to walk to down the asle…boy what a liar he turned out to be…planning a  non/traditional wedding i will be walking myself down-im going to make a little photo and pin it to my boquet, (its a pockewatch- ya know if i could turn back time he would be here..ha)my mom then said she would…OH boy…Then she tells me shes also walking me down the aisle …I fixed that one real quick “but mom your job is to sit up there and see how beautiful I am walking down the aisle , your job it’s to be a proud mom watching me walk to the man I love, you’ll miss that if you are walking with me, you’ll miss my smiles and my tears if you’re walking with me” so im now walking myself — im also wearing chucks to the wedding i will have them stiched with the date on one shoe and “Daddy” on the other (daddy walking me down the asle) for the dance – Long story here i tried on a dress and the song {i loved her first} came on so i knew it was my dress…my mom said “see your daddy likes this one get it you know you already love it” so i did and OMG do i love that dress! but anyway i wanted that song to play as our song- being hes not there to dance i was going to ask the DJ to announce us to come do the father/daughter dance and on the way up (me killing time and taking the long way to get there) have the DJ blend that song into {Linkin’Parks With You} it was a song that helped me get though his death. I will NOT have anyone else walk me down nor dance with me for my daddys song…that was OUR thing…no one elses…i wouldnt want to replace it with anyone. 

Post # 13
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My dad isn’t dead but he’s not in my life. He’s not a normal person, so it’s not a good idea for him to be involved in my life. I have tried very hard to have a relationship with him, but it’s just not happening right now. I decided to let myself off the hook about it all and just focus on what I can do…which is to have the nicest wedding I can. He is actually one of the reasons we are going away to get married…just us 2. That plus a few other reasons.

This said…I do get a little weepy at times I am not having a “typical” wedding where your dad walks you down the aisle, dancing with dad, pics with dad, etc. I’m also sad that because my dad has chosen not to be in my life, he hasn’t gotten to meet my Fiance. I am envious of women who have FI’s that have friendships or good relationships with their FIL’s.

There is a A LOT I’ve had to let go of regarding my wedding. I am not having bridesmaids. I am not having my parents there. We aren’t having a first dance. No guests. Even though I don’t want these things I do wonder if I’ll miss them. I have no idea if that makes any sense?

I guess I just wanted to say I can identify not having your dad involved (no matter the reason), is painful.

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