Post # 1
I have never dreamed of a wedding nor a ring. I am a typical girl otherwise. My boyfriend is 23 and I am 27. I have a good job and he is still in school however we live together. He wants to getmarried next year when he is done school. I can understand not wanting to get married while in college but I see no reason why we cannothe engaged. He says that he needs to be able to financially support me and buy me a ring which he will not be able to afford until spring. Even at that time he will make no where near the amount of money I do. I do not need his financial support or a ring or even a wedding. To me it should be about love and that’s it. I feel like he is being selfish by wanting superficial things I don’t even care about. Am I weird or unreasonable for not wanting to wait for things I don’t find important?
Post # 3
@Wyldewood: For starters, this should probably go in the “Waiting” category. You will get LOTS more of empathetic ladies to talk to. Not that these newly engaged ladies don’t understand (they were there too!), they are just in a different stage of their relationships. You should take a look when you get the chance. 🙂
Next, he is 23 years old. He is a VERY young man. I don’t think there is anything wrong with him wanting to finish school and get a decent job especially since you seem to be so financially well-off by yourself. For some men, especially a man his age, that can be EXTREMELY intimidating, and you know there’s nothing stronger than a man’s pride.
I understand that you say you don’t want all of the superficial things, but maybe it’s very important to him. Have you spoken to him in depth about your feelings? You are 27, already established, and probably ready to have children soon, so I understand your urgency. However, you BOTH need to be on the same page. I think his wanting to finish school in a year is perfectly fine, and if that really is ALL he is waiting for, you should give him that time to take care of his business and make the best husband he can be. And that may include all of the superficial things that aren’t necessarily important to you, but key for him.
Talk with your SO and make SURE it is only a money thing. Most of all though, don’t put too much pressure on him. Have a good conversation so that everything is on the table, feelings are expressed, and plans are made, so you are at least not completely in the dark about these things because that isn’t fair either.
Most importantly….vent on the waiting boards!! LOL. I understand your situation since I am semi-waiting…but try to relax. Have your conversation, and grab some Starbucks. Best of luck to you 🙂
Post # 4
I don’t think you are weird or unreasonable at all. It is good to be financially stable – especially during challenging financial times. You no doubt worked hard to get where you are at and here’s your Boyfriend or Best Friend with 1950s attitudes (must be able to buy you a ring, financially support you, etc.). Do you know what his vision of marriage even is? Does he want you to give up your career, have kids, have a house where you do all the upkeep or what? Not that ANY of those things are bad or wrong – it’s what you want out of marriage. If you are comfortable with the way things are now, what’s the rush?