(Closed) NO excuse for getting guests' names wrong!!!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 77
Member
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My first name (not super-common, but absolutely not unheard of) is pretty consistently misspelled. My last name is almost ALWAYS misspelled. It’s very close to the last name of a former president except his had an extra letter, so people almost always spell it the same way, even though the pronunciation is different. I’m in the habit now of just spelling both names automatically when I’m asked for them. FI’s half sister consistently misspells my first name. We have sent her a STD and an invitation with our names all over them, and we always sign birthday and Christmas cards with both of our names, but my name was still wrong on the Christmas card she sent us. I’m so used to it that it doesn’t bother me when strangers do it, but I’ve known this woman for 4 years. Enough now.

Post # 78
Member
14 posts
Newbee

@MrsRugbee:  I sent out one invitation with an incorrect spelling, but it was because it was a member of my fiance’s family whom I have never met and the name was given to me spelled incorrectly. It was an uncommon name so I didn’t know. She did cross out how I had spelled it on the RSVP and wrote it correctly in all caps with an arrow that said “correct spelling” lol. I guess she was mad about it, but it really wasn’t my fault!

Post # 79
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MrsRugbee:  People in FI’s family consistently spell my first name wrong. I have a four-letter name. It’s not a hard name. It’s right on facebook. They’ll even write on his wall for Christmas (it say’s he’s engaged to me) and spell it wrong. One time a former coworker of his named Kathy wrote something to us on his wall and spelled my name incorrectly and I was so tempted to comment after it “Thank you so much, Cathie!” but I didn’t want to be that person.

Fiance also has a name that’s usually a nickname (like Drew for Andrew) so people are always trying to make his name longer. We just got an invitation from a friend of mine who addressed it to “Andrew” and he said “I figured it was an invitation because it didn’t say ‘Drew.'” This has also been a bit of a hassle trying to book our honeymoon. Everytime I call the place they read our names back to me and say “And you’re sure these are your full and complete names as shown on your travel documents?” “Yes, ma’am, I’ve seen his birth certificate. His full, legal name is Drew. Not Andrew.”

Post # 80
Member
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I tried really hard, short of stalking people, but there were probably a few mistakes in there.  A lot of people don’t use their full or real names on facebook so that was only so much help.  I was googling people so much to find out full names (I came across everything from linkedin, professional portfolios, real estate public records, old wedding registries, ha). 

We had one that wasn’t wrong, but was a short/nickname.  It was a parents work friend so I couldn’t contact them directly to ask as I had no idea who they were.  Asked my parent but they didn’t know, told us just to write it that way.  So it said like Nick instead of Nicholas.   

ETA: I’ve gotten invites spelled wrong and I really don’t care.  If it was like immediate family that would be one thing but like FI’s cousin or family friend that I never met.  Since we’ve lived together I’ve still be “and guest” on an invite.  And I was spelled wrong on another one (my name has a few common spellings).  Heck even at my own wedding shower a lot of cards had a wrong name on them.  As you can guess by my username I go by Kath and it is short for a longer name.  I also often go by my full longer name.  But I have never, ever gone by Kathy.  A lot of the gifts at my shower where “To Kathy”.  These were all from FIs side, people I haven’t met often.  And in their defese they have a bunch of Kathy/Cathys on that side of them family.  So I’m letting it slide.

Post # 81
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Blue Horse Farm

I usually am a little offended when names are butchered because to me it feels like it wasn’t important enough to the person to take the time to make sure it is correct.  However, I usually let it go because I get that sometimes accidents happen and my last name is super hard to spell.

However, my fiance’s name is Jesse and there are SO many people that spell it “Jessie” like the girl version.  I don’t think it bothers him that much, but it REALLY bothers me for some reason.  His own grandparents that have known him his entire life still do this as does my grandpa and aunt, even though I have told (my family) a million times the correct way to spell it.  IDK it just always feels like a slight to me, but I’m probably just being over sensitive.

Post # 82
Member
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I got FH’s cousin’s name wrong (…zie should have been zy) … but neither FH nor Future Mother-In-Law picked up on it so I don’t feel entirely responsible :P. In fact, Future Mother-In-Law apparebtly noticed it on an envelope when I showed her our invite set after I picked it up (hadn’t written names in the actual invites yet) but forgot to tell me and of course I worked from the envelopes.

Post # 83
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015


Well first, I’m really confused as to why this is seen as disrespectful.
Surely, we all have enough common sense to assume it was not intentional.

 

Second, who knows who sent out the invitations? As evident in many of the posts above, names can be misspelled when multiple people are collaborating on the guest list. It would be completely unnecessary and rude, IMO, to call the couple out – especially on their wedding day, when you can’t be sure it was even their error. Imagine how uncomfortable that would make the bride & groom feel… especially if they had given invite duty to someone else.

 

Finally, the invite made its way to you, so obviously they cared enough to get your address right, spend the money on the invite itself and the postage, and are willing to spend $30–100+ on the meal you would enjoy at their wedding. I cannot imagine being upset with the couple for such a small error, considering the large event they are in the midst of planning. They invited you to witness their marriage; take it as a kind gesture, and if anything, politely correct the name on the RVSP.

 

Maybe I’m just used to having my name misspelled (both first & last name are Italian, so definitely uncommon in the states), but goodness gracious. Seems like a really strange thing to take personally. 

 

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