(Closed) no exs rule…found out a BM previously dated FI

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What would you do?

    Keep her and just be the one who has class

    Give her the boot

    make FH give her the boot

  • Post # 137
    768 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Aaaaand half my post got eaten.  Cool.

    Basically, the gist of it was this:

    If you’re not ok with that (and you’re obviously not, because you said it made you upset), then you and Fiance need to have a talk about boundaries.  Sounds like he suffers from overshare/nice guy syndrome.  I just had to talk to my Fiance about what I thought was okay to talk about and with whom.  

    Anyway, if I were in your shoes, FI and I would be having a come to Jesus talk, and she’d not only be out of the wedding party, but she’d be off the guest list.   

    Post # 138
    4831 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @tntrav44: I agree 100%.


    View original reply
    @future.mrs.campfield: Have you and your Fiance done any pre-marital counseling? It sounds like he has NO clue about what boundaries to keep and is sharing very private information with other people.

    Did you tell him it was OK to share about your miscarriages?

    At this point I’d be FURIOUS with Fiance for breaking trust and really thinking long an hard about the relationship and whether it is a healthy one.

    Post # 139
    161 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    it’s your day!  How YOU feel is way more important than how she will feel. 

    I wouldn’t want my back turned to one of my bf’s ex’s during my wedding.


    AND what about the speak now or forever hold your peace… lol  I would be turning around to look at her like B*#$% you better not!!!


    hahahahaha It must be bothering you enough that you posted, do what is best for you Lady!!

    Much Love

    Post # 140
    3230 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    After reading your second post, you are right – this is up to your Fiance, not you, to end this friendship.

    Like I stated before – no matter how long my husband has been friends w/ someone, he has zero tollerance for any man or woman disrespecting me (which is what she did when she was drunk) he would of ended the friendship right then, but like another poster said, he may just not be comfortable w/ confronting her….

    Considering that you know how her actions are when she is drunk & you know she will be drinking at the wedding; point blank, she should not attend. Plus you indicated your Fiance hasn’t even seen her in several months, so obviously he wants to distance himself from her anyway, so why have undue stress at your wedding when the friendship isn’t valued?

    At this point the ball is your FI’s court.


    Post # 141
    427 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I’d be enjoying the single life if Fiance pulled all this shit.

    Post # 142
    3338 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Miss Lilac: YES!!!!!!!!!  I still don’t see any explanation as to why he didn’t tell you before that he used to bang this girl.  And I’m doubly confused as to why you came here if you are going to defend their actions.  I have the nagging sensation they could be sleeping together in front of you and you’d have some excuse for their behavior.

    They may have been friends since they were 12, but you’re about to be his WIFE.  Why you are not the priority in your own wedding and relationship in this situation just totally boggles my mind.

    Post # 143
    105 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I didnt read every single post but I understand why you asked her to be a bridesmaid, my FHs husband is going to be one of mine and I met her once.


    But that skank! I would be so worried she would get drunk and act like that, but she is going to be at the wedding either way. At least if she is still a bridesmaid she may be less… bitter?


    I would be mega pissed about the situation but you know yourself how things are with you and your fiance. A lot of the posts have turned it around on him. Maybe he just felt awkward about it and doesnt know what to say to her, but as it is his friend he should deal with her rather than leaving you any stress.

    Post # 144
    90 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I’ve read all the posts, and I agree with majority of the girls here so I won’t get into that. what I will say is OPEN BAR??? now imagine your wedding reception everyones having a good time, that skank is still a Bridesmaid or Best Man and shes WASTED (drinking from the open bar) NOW all of a sudden she wants to give a speech in front of everyone… are you not frighten at what may come out of that dirty mouth of hers?? I sure would be.. what if she started talking about her and your FI’s relationship and their past sex life and such in front of your entire family…. i would be horrified.

    just think about it a little bit… skank + heavy drinking = slut (as per your previous post) = slut that rampages on about inappropriate things that should NEVER EVER be discussed with anyone.

    I would’ve cancelled the wedding I were you especially if your Fiance has been talking to a girl who “was his best friend” (since you said they haven’t spoken much till recent) very personal things about yours and your Fiance life. especially something like a miscarriage that is devestating. NOT to meniton that he didnt do SHIT after that skank pull all that crap. he could’ve at least told her straight up her behaviour was unacceptable. Even if he’s limited his contact with her, she doesn’t think anything wrong and doesn’t know better unless someone brought it up with. (which no one did) I would be so disappointed

    The topic ‘no exs rule…found out a BM previously dated FI’ is closed to new replies.

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