(Closed) no exs rule…found out a BM previously dated FI

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What would you do?
    Keep her and just be the one who has class : (31 votes)
    20 %
    Give her the boot : (57 votes)
    38 %
    make FH give her the boot : (64 votes)
    42 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    243 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    No way no how would I still have her at my wedding LET ALONE as a bridesmaid!  I say kick the b**** out!!

    Post # 33
    Member
    2392 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    WHOA.  I don’t know where to give you advice about the wedding and wedding party.  The issue for me is how you didn’t know that they have a serious history together.  I know some couples have a “what came before is private” policy, but this is extreme.

    I don’t agree with the no exes policy (both my fiance and I tend to stay friends with exes and I would feel really uncomfortable excluding them from our wedding on the basis of what our relationship was in the past rather than what it is in the future) but I know it works for some people.  However, you asked her to be a bridesmaid based on her friendship with your fiance – if he knew having no exes around was such a big deal, then he should have told you about their past a long time ago. It’s your wedding, you can ask her to step down, but don’t be surprised if she’s hurt by it or people start thinking you’re the bad guy for it.  The more important issue, though, is why your fiance kept this from you until now.

    Post # 34
    Member
    2394 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I’m with PPs who want to know how this little tidbit managed to stay under wraps for so long.  I don’t generally share my info with everyone but, uh, my husband definitely knows all the details about my past relationships and partners.

    Post # 36
    Member
    369 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @future.mrs.campfield: You are ABSOLUTELY NOT the one ruining their friendship!  She is.  She is disrespecting you, his soon-to-be wife in every way imaginable.  Grabbed his junk!?!?!!!!  I would have not been able to control myself in that moment.  Kudos to you for being so level headed so far.  Now, so the right thing, end the drama and kick her out of the wedding!!!!!  You will feel so much better once you do.

    My Fiance and I have invited exs to our wedding, but it’s because in both cases, the exs have moved on, have their own lives and are genuinely happy for both of us to be together.  They have respect for our friendships with them and for Fiance and my relationship.  She seems to have a lack of both.

    KICK HER OUT!! 

    Post # 37
    Member
    5920 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Sorry, but if my soon to be husband was friends with someone who felt the need to tell me “what turned him on”, I would end that real quick.

    Post # 39
    Member
    2467 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    i’m not usually the type to advocate kicking bridal party members out, but i agree with vabride2011– this girl is really disrespecting your relationship. how did your fi react when she grabbed him?! she sounds toxic, your fi really needs to put a stop to her behavior

    Post # 40
    Member
    4323 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    @future.mrs.campfield: Sounds to me like she has a small flame burning for him still, and wants to “show you up”. I’ve had a similar scenario with a friend of my Fiance, however, they never dated. She just makes me generally uncomfortable. It’s a tough slope for me to travel down, with you, it’s easy.

    She crossed a BIG boundary– what is she doing touching him in front of you, or at all, period? I’d have put an end to that right then and there. It’s inappropriate, and she  needs to back off and be put in her place.

    I hope you get this fixed before it gets out of control. Good luck to you.

    Post # 41
    Member
    5920 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @future.mrs.campfield: Oops, I should have clarified! I don’t mean end it with him, LOL! I meant do something about their friendship – she sounds super inappropriate!

    Post # 42
    Member
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    It wasn’t untill after I asked by FIs best friend to be one of my bridesmaids that I found out that they dated, had sex

    uggh, i wrote a post but it didnt work so try again

    you should have been told about them having sex with the person he considers his best friend before you became engaged. if it was me i would be thinking they were having their own private joke behind my back 

    Post # 44
    Member
    3165 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @future.mrs.campfield: grabbed his junk? she would have had a fist in her eyesocket, either mine or FH’s. hell no. she’s disrespectful to your relationship, use that as your reasoning – it doesn’t matter if he gives her the boot or you do, but she needs to go.

    Post # 45
    Member
    4323 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    I say have HIM give her the boot, so she knows she has no chance with him, and has HIM put her in her place. That’ll take her down a notch. If you did it, it would just give her more of an impetus to be an obnoxious whore around you.

    Post # 46
    Member
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    if it was me i would be asking myself do i want to look at my wedding photos in 10+yrs from now and my first thought be theres that bitch that f***ed my husband

    i would be telling her she will not be a bm – doesnt make you the bad guy here btw, she wouldnt have gotten the job if people were honest with you from the beginning

     

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