(Closed) no exs rule…found out a BM previously dated FI

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What would you do?
    Keep her and just be the one who has class : (31 votes)
    20 %
    Give her the boot : (57 votes)
    38 %
    make FH give her the boot : (64 votes)
    42 %
  • Post # 77
    Member
    1643 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Thrakena: Good to know. And she was asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man why?

    Post # 78
    Member
    1643 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m still concerned that SHE had time to mention their past relationship, but the Fiance in question did not. HMMMM.

    Post # 79
    Member
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    arrgh – my posts are showing up correctly today

    OP asked her to be the Bridesmaid or Best Man because her Fiance and this woman are besties. OP’s Fiance SHOULD have told OP that they had sex previously, i find it totally disrespectful he never did.

    Post # 80
    Member
    1643 posts
    Bumble bee

    @eloping: Yeah I love how no one is seeing his fault in this.

    Post # 81
    Member
    326 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I would not have that woman in my wedding, and in every picture you have of that day.  You need to kick her out or have your Fiance do it.   I find it very odd that she asked to be a bridesmaid and you are only now finding out they used to date, and that she tells you the details of their sex life?? What????

    Post # 82
    Member
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    @MissHoney – there have been a few posters that said the Fiance did the wrong thing. 

    Post # 83
    Member
    1643 posts
    Bumble bee

    @eloping: I saw a few. But there are still far too many that have ignored it. sigh.

    Post # 84
    Member
    592 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Honestly, the problem here is your fiance. He’s the one you are in a relationship with and he’s the one who owes you some respect. If my FI he had a friend behaving like this girl HE would take it upon himself to keep that relationship in check – and he would most definitely have told me, probably before we got engaged, that he had slept with the girl. You have way too many “but, but, buts” for why he was so skeezy about this. At least the girl is honest. Maybe you should keep her in the bridal party and kick your Fiance out.

    Post # 85
    Member
    3010 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I still don’t understand why she’s part of your bridal party if it’s his best friend.  Seems like he needs to reconsider this “friendship” of his.  That’s my opinion.

    Post # 86
    Member
    263 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I don’t predict a good ending to any of this. I foresee Maury.

    It was also pretty interesting that she grabbed his junk and walked away alive. Lovely.

     

    Post # 87
    Member
    3010 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @magicpotato: I would’ve broken all of her fingers.  

    Also I would’ve been the first person to say something.  Not bite my tongue.  Completely inappropriate and uncalled for.

    Post # 88
    Member
    2889 posts
    Sugar bee

    I too think the problem is your Fiance for not telling you they dated. However, if it helps you to understand the otherside, I’ll share my similar situation since I had a Groomsmen (on the bride’s side technically) who I consider a best friend. We’ve been friends since Jr. High, dated in high school, slept together casually in college and remained really good friends through the years. However, I told Darling Husband early on that we had a history and I am thankful they get along really well. I don’t know what his Fiance knopws about our past and I would never find it my business to bring up the topic, but yes, I know some things about him that I’m sure she would not be comfortable knowing I know and I’m sure vice versa. Some things just don’t need to be brought up. It sounds to me like this girl is regretting breaking it off with your Fiance and is jealous of your relationship with him so she wants to remind you that she had him first. I say be the bigger person her and don’t kick her out but do ask Fiance to talk to her about appropriate conversation and let him know you need him to have an adult relationship with her free of flirting.

    Post # 89
    Member
    10 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    OMG! This is just crazy!  I sounds like she isn’t over him.  I wouldn’t worry about ruining their friendship…I would worry about her ruining my wedding day!  If she has a enough nerve to say that crap to you already, I can only imagine what will come out of her mouth on your day!  Drop her for your day.  AND I wouldn’t say anything about the ex rule. I would simply tell her that because of her lack of respect and her inability to move on, she is no longer welcome to stand up for you nor be at the wedding period and leave it at that.  Good luck!  Oh and I actually have my Fiance best girl friend as my bridesmaid, but if she acted like that she would be out too.  One other nice little tid bit is my FI’s bestman is one of my ex’s, but as Vabride2011 pointed out they have to have moved on, be very happy for u and have respect.  She doesn’t and thats not your fault!  Good luck!

    Post # 90
    Member
    4801 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Your fiance needs to end this friendship NOW. When you asked about having her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, there is no way in hell he should of said that would mean a lot to him. What he should of done is said NO and then later told you why. I would be pretty pissed off at him right now if I were you, and I would want to know WHY having someone he used to sleep with that is disrespectful towards you and your relationship means a lot to him.

     

    I’d be absolutely furious that he didn’t kick her out – of the wedding and as a friend – the moment she decided it was appropriate to grab his junk when he is engaged!! You’re directing your anger at the wrong person here. He is the one that made a commitment to you and he needs to step up and end this very inappropriate friendship. If you asked him to make your guy friend his groomsmen, then he found out you used to sleep together, then your guy friend grabbed your boob/ass/whatever in front of him, I have a feeling there is no way that guy would any longer be your friend OR invited to the wedding.

    Post # 91
    Member
    7429 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Holy cow shit batman!!!

    Ok, here’s my two cents, for what its worth.  Me and one of our Groomsmen had a 1 minute thing that went on for like a week (never officially dated).  Totally long story there, but hubs knew about it, we hashed it out, and things were fine, we all remained friends. FF to the wedding, and I told him he could ask whoever he wanted to be on his side, since they were standing up for him. Groomsmen and I were both a little surprised that he asked him, but we had put it behind us so long before that, that it was never an issue.

    But in your case, I think that the friendship needs to be over, and she needs to step down. you guys clearly had a no ex rule, and he didn’t think that it was pertinent information to tell you that him and his “best friend” dated and slept together???? It would be one thing if you guys had discussed it beforehand and it was a non issue, but he basically lied to you.  He needs to tell her she has crossed boundaries that cannot be fixed and they can no longer be friends. She will not stop acting this way towards him, and you not confronting either of them makes it seem ok

    The topic ‘no exs rule…found out a BM previously dated FI’ is closed to new replies.

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