Post # 1
- Fiance and I are discussing options for if we end up scrapping our original Destination Wedding plan and doing a local thing. If we do something local, we don’t want it to end up being a massive affair. My brother is getting married this summer and it has turned into a gigantic 180+ person event with a babysitter in the basement of the hall and people coming into town from all over the place, everyone bringing their kids, cousins we haven’t seen since we were little… it is everything that fiance and I *don’t* want. With the Destination Wedding at least we have the explanation of “resorts don’t accommodate large affairs”. Doing something locally though we have many options for venues, ranging from very small to very large.
We put together a tentative list of 50 guests that we would invite and it essentially boils down to immediate family (23 people between both sets of parents, silbings/spouses, nieces/nephews, and his Grandma) plus 10 sets of close friend couples (5 each).
My question is, would you be hurt or take it personally if you were not invited to your cousin or niece/nephews wedding even though friends were? Especially in my case, I am pretty close with some of my cousins and I would love to have them there, but between the two of us we have a lot of cousins and even if we only invited the ones we regularly see or talk to, it’d still be 10 cousins plus multiple aunts and uncles, which would mean going over 50 people without even inviting any friends. We have extremely close-knit friendship groups and the handful that we have on this tentative list are genuinely people that it would feel completely wrong not having there.
Our invitation list for the Destination Wedding will be a little bit more relaxed simply because we know that there will be a higher decline rate so we can be a bit more liberal with those invitations. There is no one on that list that we would not be totally happy to have there – please don’t read it that way – just that we can invite 75 and still likely end up under 50 (we are going with a resort that can accomodate 70 or more just in case).
*Edited for clarity: 10 cousins PLUS their spouses…
Post # 2
If you are close with them, then yes I’d be disappointed.
Do the extended fam live far away? There’s a chance that only the ones youre close with will actually come. I also only invited the cousins I’m close with, which are the ones on my moms side. I didn’t invite anyone from my dad side, so that helped shave down our numbers lol.
Post # 3
Knowing personally how guest lists can get out of control, I would not be upset about it.
Post # 4
jellybellynelly : My whole family (minus my one brother who lives here) lives in Ontario, while we live in Alberta.
They are all coming out for my brothers wedding next summer and several of my cousins flew to France for my other cousins wedding last spring (fiance and I wanted to but couldn’t justify the time/money and decided we would rather visit my cousin and his bride at a less busy time when we can actually spend quality time with them).
My family fucking LOVES weddings, so while I won’t be hurt or upset if they didn’t come to our Destination Wedding if we continue that route, I also won’t be surprised if they do come. If it is here I am almost certain that at least a few of them will come. But if it’s in Mexico the ones with kids probably wouldn’t because it gets super expensive once you factor them in.
My fiance isn’t nearly as close with his extended family, even though they live in Alberta (a few hours away from us). We are almost certain that none of his cousins will come to Mexico. A couple of his Aunts and Uncles probably would. Maybe one set of cousins (the ones without kids). But if we had a wedding here and invited the lot, they would probably all come because it’s only a few hours away.
Post # 5
sboom : This may just be me but I wouldn’t be offended about not being invited to a cousin’s wedding (but if a close friend did not invite me, then I would definitely be offended unless it was family only).
Post # 6
Yes, I would. That doesn’t mean you (or they) should change their plans.
Post # 7
sboom : Ah makes sense. I mean, you have to make cuts somewhere. I just know for me, as an only child, my 2 cousins were basically my siblings growing up. So I definitely made sure to include them. But thats 2 (+SOs), not as many as it sounds like you have!
Post # 8
I should also add that one of the reasons why my fiance doesn’t want to invite extended family if we have the wedding locally is because he’s got a couple of sets of aunts and uncles that he doesn’t particularly like and figures they won’t make the effort to goto Mexico but probably would if we had the wedding here. If they do end up coming to Mexico, oh well, that’s fine.
The other factor is that between the two of us, several of our cousins have children and we don’t want a bunch of kids running around the wedding. We will have my 8 nieces and nephews but tha is it. At least going the Destination Wedding route, if any of the cousins do decide to come and make a family trip out of it, they can still bring the kids and leave them at the resorts Kids Club during the wedding. If we invite them all to a wedding here, then it becomes more complicated because we would either be asking them to leave their kids at home while they travel here (which of course is doable) or forcing them to figure out childcare for the day/evening during the wedding while they are out of province where they don’t know anyone. I don’t want to end up getting into the whole affair my brother is with hiring babysitters to watch everyones kids on site. But it would be pretty rude to ask my cousins to fly all the way out here without their kids or to leave them hanging trying to figure out what to do with them when they are here.
Post # 9
- Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek
We kept it simple. Kid free, invited family/friends closest to us and their spouses, partners or dates. 50 ppl max. There was no logical reason for us to try and invite people we hadn’t seen in years, didn’t talk to on a regular basis or worse didn’t even like simply bc they were a blood relative. Nope and etiquette be damned. 🤷♀️ We owned our choice and had no problem facing any consequences. There were none, or at least none we heard about directly.
As an adult I understand weddings are expensive, cuts have to be made and would never take lack of an invite personally.
Post # 10
That is exactly the wedding we had. Siblings, their spouses, any of their kids, my parents, his parents, and his grandma, plus 5 couple friends.
If folks were offended, I didn’t hear it. I just said we wanted a small, intimate wedding.