Post # 1
Hi bees…. I’m feeling really sad, and I don’t know if its something any of you will understand, but I will try my best to explain. Me and my fiance were talking about our future “wedding” today. Frankly speaking, I do not want a wedding. I hate parties and get togethers and I feel extremely awkward being in the spotlight because I have social anxiety disorder. I know a wedding isn’t a requirement for marriage, but my fiance wants at least a small one. He grew up with a lot of family around him and they all live close by to each other, except for like one aunt and her relatives. It’s mainly his mom’s side of the family but there are a lot of them and some of his cousins are like siblings to him. So naturally, he wants a family-oriented wedding not just with his parents and siblings. Here comes the problem. I have literally no one. NO ONE. I’m an only child and my mother left my deadbeat dad when I was 3 years old. It’s just been me and her and we don’t even have that good of a relationship. I have an aunt in Canada, another aunt in Guatemala, and my uncle in Nevada. Most of the distant family like cousins are in Nevada, New York, and some other states besides those that stayed in Guatemala. I have one aunt here who is a cousin of my mom’s but they aren’t very close. I have another uncle (mom’s cousin as well) who we’re slightly social with but he lives too far too. I have two sets of godparents who we never even see or talk to. The only people somewhat in my life are all my mom’s friends and are all old people. I have nothing against them, some have known me since I was little and I help them out a lot now that I can drive. But, isn’t it sad for a bride’s guests to all be her parent’s old friends? I just feel so lonely at times, even envious of my fiance. I’ve felt isolated and lonely my whole life because of having no one to interact with. I was very sheltered so I didn’t develop friendships at school or anything like that either, so I pretty much have no friends now. I was never allowed to do anything normal as a child and as a result my antisocialness grew way out of control. I was just thinking of what our invite list would look like and it would be all fiance’s family who would actually be happy to be there. For me it would be all my mom’s family friends who probably wouldn’t care much and I feel so pathetic at that. I hate this situation and I don’t even want a damn wedding, I don’t want to plan so much and spend so much on a single day’s party if I’m just gonna feel like a loser. I don’t know what to with myself. I kinda want to crawl into a whole and die right about now.
Post # 2
I had the same problem. I’m not really close to any of my family and only a couple good friends and I am totally socially ackward. For this reason my hubby and I decided to get married at a resort in jamaica. Just me and him went. We had a real wedding, I had a dress, we got great pictures. It was awesome. You guys could invite just his close relatives or go by yourself.. something to think about…
Post # 3
You are not alone, others go through this too. I’m in a similiar situtation. My Fiance has an enormous family that overwhelms me and I am an only child with divorced parents and all of my grandparents are gone. I have very few people to invite from my side. I am a busy, business owner with a lot of aquaintances and colleagues, but not necessarily people that I would smash together at wedding. So I understand why this makes you feel sad.
You could elope and go directly to the honeymoon, then have a gathering for family when you get back. If it’s just a gathering, there is less stress to make it perfect. Whoever shows up, shows up and no one can say they weren’t included in celebrating the union. At least if you do it this way, you can relax for your actual wedding day and not have his huge family crowd there making you feel uncomfortable. It’s supposed to be a day about you and him, not “his family party”.
Try to realize that this is your special day to celebrate with your husband and don’t let the “cookie cutter” wedding you see in movies discourage you from having a romantic & special experience. Not everyone has 8 bffs lined up and ready to be bridesmaids. A lot of introverted people exisit in the world and you don’t need to feel ashamed. I would try expressing all of what you said above to your Fiance. I’m sure he will want you to feel comfortable and to have a memorable day you both will enjoy. There are many ways to work it that don’t involve the traditional full fledged bash. Wishing you the best of luck! 🙂
Post # 4
- Wedding: December 2014 - Chiang Mai, Thailand
Thanks for sharing your story with us. Weddings are a funny thing and the pressures and expectations that come with it sometimes seem overwhelming. While I don’t (think I) have a social anxiety disorder, I have always been an extreme introvert, have never had many friends and I have a very small family as well. I can relate to the feelings of loneliness when planning a wedding alone. While I know nothing about you, perhaps its ok to share some advice that has been helping me….simple and basic – remember this is only about you and your fiance. Family and friends are great too, but the whole reason for the event is embracing a commitment to each other. If you feel you want to embrace the idea of family on a day like this – don’t forget that once your married – his family will be yours too. Love is something big enough to be shared and blood is not the only thing that defines a family.
Also, the weddingbee community (while strangers) have been a wonderful place for me to share and connect with wedding needs that I have no other outlet for in my personal life. Reach out when you are feeling lonely. There are people here too. Congrats on your engagement.
Post # 5
Hi hun, sending hugs your way!
I know how you feel, anxiety disorders make it very hard to find friends. My fiance’s friends grew attached to me, otherwise I wouldn’t have any! I don’t have any of my own. I’m sorry about your family, but think how happy his family will be to see you. 🙂 His family is becoming a part of your family now as you unite in marriage, so you’re NOT alone!
My family won’t be present at my wedding either so this post spoke to me a lot and in a way helped me work through some of my own feelings. I know that “loser” feeling, like you have no one, but you have your fiance. You don’t have to walk down an aisle by yourself, you could walk down together holding hands. He could even help you into your dress.
It hurts to feel alone and essentially unloved, but when you think about it, you have an amazing opportunity to spend the whole morning with your fiance before the wedding! Have breakfast together, let him help you get ready and help him get ready, do a First Look and bask in your togetherness. 🙂
Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to.
Post # 6
I just called off my wedding, but I do know how you feel. My ex-fiance had a lot more friends than I did, and all of my friends (except for 1) were mutual friends that I knew through him (and still think of more as his friends than mine).
I’ve since decided that if I get engaged again that I would really like to elope, or elope with just a few close people present. This way you don’t have to have a big party with lots of people you don’t know or really care about, and could just have a small intimate ceremony with your mom and his immediate family (who will soon be your family!).