(Closed) no father at the wedding – Please advice

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee

Oh goodness, that sounds horrible! You sound much stronger than I could be in that situation, it must have been a really rough year for you. That said…people choose to not have their father involved in their wedding for a whole range of reasons. He might have passed away, or they might not get along, they might not be part of each other’s lives, or some girls choose to walk themselves down the aisle or not have a dance because they want to walk alone, or hate dancing. I wouldn’t worry about what people think – anyone who cares about you will understand, and those who don’t care will hopefully not be at the wedding 🙂 If anyone asks you can just say your dad’s not around, or you can ignore them. FH’s dad isn’t in his life and won’t be at our wedding either, I guess some people might notice and ask questions, I’m not sure what our answer will be but I know the important people will be there and I’m going to focus on that 🙂

Post # 4
Member
18 posts
Newbee

Joylucero,

This is such a difficult situation and I really feel your pain.  Mountainbride is right on!

Let go of what anyone else might think and just do what feels right for you.  If having your mother walking you down the aisle (or anyone else who has been loving and supportive of you) makes you feel happy, then you should do it.  They don’t call it "your day" for no reason!  Continue moving forward with your life with dignity and respect and everything else will unfold with grace from there.

Sending you hugs and wishing for your future happiness!

Post # 5
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I know how hard this must be for you.  Don’t worry about what anyone says – it is your wedding, and you should walk down the aisle by yourself or with whomever you feel the most comfortable.  

Post # 7
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I will have my grandfather walk me down the aisle if he is able (he is almost 90).  Is yours still living?  If not maybe an uncle or a close male relative.  My father passed away 10 years ago last month.  Or your best guy friend! 

It’s difficult.  Many hugs to you.   

Post # 9
Member
578 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Hello,

Well I am sort of in the same boat. My father and I use to be really close. Then life happened and he felt like I was no a good daughter and I disappointed him no matter what I did with my life. So I wrote him a letter asking him if he would be in my wedding. He wrote back saying that he would no longer be talking to me and of course he would not want any part of my wedding.

So I have been heart broken and well it hurts. It made me want not to have a wedding but just to elope. But after a lot of soul searching and realizing that I think family is very important me I really still want a wedding.

My Future Father-In-Law offered to walk me down the aisle and I know my grandfather would. But I think that I will proudly hold my head up high and walk myself down the aisle because I have worked my a$$ off to get where I am today. My family has not been there. My new family supports me and loves me so much more then my real flesh and blood. 

 I say do what your heart says. Because in the end you are the one that has to live with it and chose what is best for your heart/mind/soul. I am sure your Fiance will support you. 

I know mine would not be happy if my dad did show up. But I know he would let it go if he had to because he would know that is what I wanted if it is what I chose. I am sure your’s would understand also.

I dont know how well this helps. But really take sometime and sit down and really think about that day that moment and what would be important to you.

Good luck! 

We are here for you!

Post # 11
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My father is alive, but will not be attending the wedding.  I do have a fabulous mom and step-dad, and, if anyone is going to walk me down the aisle, it will be my mom – but I will probably walk down by myself.  We decided to not have the father/daughter and mother/son dance, but I will definetly have a special moment dancing with my mom and with my stepdad. 

My advice?  I am so sorry that you have to deal with this really hard issue, but do what is going to make you happy.  Don’t get stuck on what other people will think of you if you mom walks you down the aisle, or if you dance with her.  It’s your wedding, and your moments, and you want them to be wonderful for you. 

Post # 12
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think it would be completely appropriate for you to walk alone or with your mom. To be honest I don’t know if it would even register on my radar to think why is the bride walking alone or with her mom, or not with her bio. father, ect. Your fiance could even walk with you down the aisle.

Post # 13
Member
898 posts
Busy bee

Don’t worry about what the "rules" are. Everyone does unique things in their wedding nowadays, and I don’t think the guests will question anything if your dad isn’t present. People who don’t know the story probably won’t think anything of it, and the people who do know what happened will obviously understand.

Hugs to you, I know this is difficult. But don’t worry about everyone else. Do what feels right to you. If that means mom is going to walk you down the aisle, so be it. It will be beautiful no matter what!

Post # 14
Bee
11826 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

Joylucero–You should do whatever you feel would be right for you.  If having your mom walk you down the aisle feels right to you, do it.  There are no rules that say you can only have your mom walk you down the aisle if your dad has passed away.  The people who are closest to you will know the situation, and the ones who don’t may assume things, but you can’t help that.  Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I feel ya’lls pain. I grew up without my father. I guess he just did not want to be part of my life but luckily i had the love and support from the rest of my family. I’m also having my grandpa walk me down the aisle. He’s been the father figure  in my life from day one.I’d say also do what feels right. i think my second option would’ve been my mom or aunt even. Good Luck and God Bless

Post # 16
Member
3331 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with a difficult situation.  I agree that you should do whatever you feel most comfortable with.  I don’t have a relationship with my father, and I didn’t want to change that situation just because I was getting married.  I didn’t invite him (haven’t spoken to him in 5+ years), which was a decision my mom didn’t agree with, but I definitely made the right choice for me. Involving him just because "tradition" dictates it would have ruined the day for me.

I had my brother walk me down the aisle and it was great.  He was the perfect person to have with me, because he made me laugh.  Although my husband danced with his mom, I didn’t do a ‘father-daughter" dance.  Honestly, not one person mentioned the lack of my dad’s presence to me, even my husband’s family who doesn’t know anything about my family situation.  I think you should do whatever you think will make you happiest/most comfortable.  It’s your day!

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