(Closed) No Father of the Bride…Questions

posted 13 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

My father is deceased, and I think my mom and I are just skipping the whole thing. But, that’s what we’re comfortable with. It’s your dad and your family and you can remember him and celebrate anyway you want!

Post # 18
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think the idea of dancing with your brother would be really sweet, especially if you’re really close. How about the song "You’ve Got a Friend" by James Taylor? It’s really sweet, and not romantically lovey at all. 🙂

Post # 19
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

My father is alive but out of the picture. I’m going to have my mom walk me down the aisle when the time comes.

As far as the dance – I think dancing with your brother is a great idea! If I had one brother instead of two, I’d totally do the same. As a previous poster said, stay away from anything too romantic. But I think it’s a wonderful idea and it will be a touching moment for your guests.

Post # 20
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

@coralray – my father also passed away and I know that if i explained to my grandparents et al that I didn’t want to be walked down the aisle by anyone (including godfather) they would understand.  Just tell your family that you feel like that is a special father daughter moment and it would hurt you too much to try to replace him at that moment.  Even if you were super close to your Godfather you possibly wouldn’t want him to walk you down the aisle.  I know that’s how I feel.  My sister had my brothers walk her down the aisle.  and as sweet as that was it seem weird to me.  I will walk down the aisle by myself and I feel like in a way that will honor my father.. like a moment in silence of sorts..

Post # 21
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@rnc620– Thanks for the advice!  It is nice to know that I am not alone in wanting to leave those spots empty, rather than finding a replacement.  That is a beautiful way to phrase it too, a kind of "a moment of silence".

Post # 22
Member
8 posts
Newbee

So I’m in the same situation but a little more complicated. My "dad" – wasn’t my real dad but more of a dad to me and raised me from the age 8 until he died when I was 17 in front of me from a heart attack in which I’ve blamed myself for everyday.  My real father is alive but we’ve never been close – we talk and write letters but nothing more than that. My step-brother who is a marine and I were very close but have grown apart as he lives in California and we’ve lost the closeness. I would like nothing more than for him to walk me down the aisle in his dress blues but I don’t even know how to ask.  My mother as since then been married two times and the current husband is nice but I don’t want him to walk me down the aisle either.  At this point I figure I’ll just walk myself to save the weirdness of asking my brother and having my real father there but not walking me down the aisle. Any ideas?

Post # 23
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

My brother is also walking me down the aisle!  Every time I think of it I get choked up.

I posted a similar question on Weddingbee and the wonderful ladies who responded helped me come up with some great songs to dance to.  My brother and I picked "Sister" by Dave Matthews Band.

Definitely go with your heart.  If he’s ok dancing with you and you are ok dancing with him, then I say GO FOR IT!

Good luck and congrats.

Post # 24
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I know this post is old but I sort of needed to vent.

My Dad is very very sick. Since the time that we got engaged till now he has been in the hospital over 5 times for extended stays and they really thought h was going to die more than once. He just went into the hospital again last night, they are doing open heart surgery today and really aren’t sure what the out come will be.

I have been struggling with him walking me down the issle for a while and the father daughter dance. I know that he isn’t in good enough shape to walk me down the REALLY long issle that we will have, but he would be heart broken not to. I don’t know if he will be able to dance at all, and now I don’t even know if he will be around to even see the day.

I have been dealing with his illnesses since I was 5 and have had plenty of time to be ready for his passing, but it doesn’t make it easier.

Anyway, I just needed to share and if anyone has ideas on how to make this easier for our wedding I would love to hear them.

Post # 25
Member
5091 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I went to a wedding recently where the bride’s father was deceased.  She danced with her two brothers (one started, then the other cut in) at one point during the ceremony.  It wasn’t when the traditional father/daughter dance would have been (though I think it would have been very nice, had it been there).  The DJ announced that the bride was going to dance with her brothers in honor of their father, and then the eldest brother took the microphone and told her that their dad would have been so, so, so proud of his little girl, and that he would have been thrilled for her new husband to have joined the family.  It was very touching, and I think it was a great thing to do in his memory.

Post # 26
Member
1776 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

My father passed away five years ago, and I am having my stepfather walk me down the aisle.  My stepfather has been in my life since I was in grade school, and honestly, was my stong father figure growing up.  However, I am choosing not to do the father-daughter dance.  I don’t want to do the dance because I feel like it will put a damper on things…I dont want to be thinking about the fact that my biological dad isnt there to dance with me. 

Post # 27
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My mother is deceased and my father is in prison.  I have hated the idea of a wedding for so long because I don’t have anyone to walk me down the isle or no one to answer we do when the preacher asks “who gives this woman.” 

Something has been laid upon my heart recently as I am helping my best friend plan her wedding.  My mother’s first cousin, whom my mother asked when I was a young child to please watch over me when she was gone (she felt she would die an early age as her mother died early too – side note – ironic that they both died at 48, my mother’s mother died in my mothers arms in the kitchen and my mother died in my arms in my front yard).  This first cousin of hers (female) has always been a huge part of my Christian life – she is the woman who lead me to Christ, prayed with me when I accepted Him, and has been one of my biggest cheerleaders besides my mother.  Even for my senior page in the yearbook – she and my mother shared a page and both wrote something from their hearts.

How weird would it be for her to walk me down the isle and take me to light a candle on a table with my mother’s picture on it before I stand in front of my groom-to-be?  Also, if anyone else has any other suggestions of a meaningful way to incorporate remembering my mother and also using my second cousin (she is in her 60s) as a major part of my wedding. 

Thanks to everyone who takes time to comment.  I enjoyed reading other posts about people who were in similar situations with deceased parents.  My heart goes out to you as I know you pain.  I have been in several weddings and the hardest part is for me to see girls with their mothers on their wedding days…  Knowing I will never get that chance.  My mother was my one of my best friends and also a best friend to my best friend – jist is – she was awesome! 

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