(Closed) No feel pretty, issues with hubby on baby #2 talk…sorry if it’s a ramble.

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Aww, I’m sorry honey. I hope the other bees will have some good advice for you. I’m sending you lots and lots of hugs

Post # 4
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

sending you hugs! i don’t really have any advice, other than guys in general are a bit slow in the brain.. lol. they seem to not realize how much we would appreciate a simple or small gesture (my Fiance included!). 

I hope you feel better soon.. and I’ve seen your bump pics, you look AMAZING!

Post # 5
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Sorry pumpkin… have you sat down and talked to him about how your are feeling?

Post # 6
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

wow i’ve seen your bump photos and you are incredibly beautiful!

Post # 7
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

i’m sorry you’re feeling that way. guys are really bad about gifts most of the time and i’m sure that the stress of the little one on the way the weight of taking care of him/her and you is probably huge. i don’t have a ton of advice, but maybe giving him some space and writing him a letter about how you’re feeling would help. you don’t have to necessarily give it to him right away, but it may give you a chance to collect your thoughts and be able to approach him later. your husband loves you and i’m sure wouldn’t want to hurt you! hugs.

Post # 8
Member
2602 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You are pregnant with your first right now? 

Well, there are a lot of things that your husband is saying that aren’t right for him to say–saying that you’ll have 2 kids because you’ll “get your way” is passive-aggressive and mean; the comment about your body and aging is inappropriate (and mean); making you feel like you would have a “free ride” as a Stay-At-Home Mom is selfish–BUT if you are pregnant with your first, it’s not unheard of for men to express a lot of anxiety regarding the kid and the financial responsibilities therein, and it may be that he’s having a bad reaction to anxiety and change. It’s a big life choice and a big adjustment. 

I’d still clue him in to the fact that you are (justifiably) hurt, but he’s likely to come around once you have the baby. 

Post # 9
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

You are SO important and SO beautiful inside and out, so as hard as it may be at the moment, don’t think that way. I bet your hubby is just going through a “stage” right now, and hopefully he comes around. Men get really overwhelmed/stressed/nervous when things like a baby come along, so maybe you could just work with him on that. Being a stay at home mom is going to be a lot of work, and that is no less important than a paying job. I’m really sorry you are feeling this way, I don’t have much advice but HUGS! put a smile on that beautiful face of yours and cheer up, your little boy loves his momma πŸ™‚

Post # 10
Member
7422 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t really have any good advice, but I just had to comment to say that your avatar is the coolest one EVER.  EVER! πŸ™‚

Post # 12
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Best of luck and big hugs! Tell him how you feel and hopefully he will man up and treat you as you deserve to be treated πŸ™‚

Post # 13
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Audreysdance:  Aww, my dear. *HUGS* You are so beautiful and I hope that he truly sees that – how awesome your body is for developing another human being and bringing another life into this world! Any changes to your body is part of your war story and should be worn with pride! Being a Stay-At-Home Mom is SO much work and many don’t get “credit” for what they do. It’s goign to take him a while to realize all that you do and that you’re not just sitting on your butt sipping martinis while he’s at the office.

It does sound like your hubby is very anxious but not dealing well with it. Do you/does he have any friends IRL that have a baby already? It may help for him to talk to a guy who has been through it and knows that it is possible to make it through the changes intact.

From the sounds of your other responses, he’s not open to talking about it to you right now which is okay – but only for now. He has to cop to his feelings eventually. I think the letter idea is a good one – it may even be good to write out your frustrations with the situation in another letter that he’ll never see so you can get it off your chest and be able to discuss this with him without that aspect of it when he comes around to talking.

I would plant the seed in his head that you need to talk eventually – soon – about this. Perhaps he feels that he’s the only one who is anxious as well? When Darling Husband was notably different in his approach with me earlier on in my pregnancy, I sat him down and talked to him about how I felt like a was a raving lunatic due to hormones and whatnot, but that deep down I knew it was from being scared and that it was being magnified by the hormones. I told him what I was scared of and asked if he felt the same way – and it opened up a line of communication.

This is just a suggestion from me so take it with a grain of salt :). I find that my Darling Husband responds better to my stating how I feel in regards to a situation. Feelings may or may not be rational, but the emotions I get from feeling them are real. That way, I’m not ‘blaming’ him persay (not that you’re doing this with your Darling Husband but they are men after all and don’t always get it!) and he can’t devalue what I’m saying because it’s based on a feeling, not on being totally irrational.

More *HUGS* to you and repeat after me: My mind, body, and soul are FIERCE for growing a new human and life while being sexy at the same time! πŸ™‚

Post # 15
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Audreysdance:  What about a baby-free date night? The two of you go out and say NOTHING about the baby, what life will be like, pregnancy gripes, etc. Just you two enjoying each other. No getting mad if the other one mentions baby – just a gentle reminder that it’s a baby-free zone. Maybe hubs is feeling like he’s “losing” you to the identity of being a mom when he’s used to having you “the wife” and “the woman”. *shrugs* just another thought my dear!

Post # 16
Member
1675 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am so sorry for what you’re going through. That sounds really tough – especially when you’re pregnant. Big, big hugs.

I really think that, as women, we start picturing ourselves as mothers much sooner than men start picturing themselves/their lives as fathers. By this I mean that, as much as I imagine this would be difficult, your Darling Husband probably just needs time to learn what it’s like to have a child and to be a father. I don’t think men can imagine themselves in that position as well as women can, and I can imagine that it would most certainly affect their ability to picture themselves with one child, let alone two.

I don’t know about your husband, but when my husband gets stressed about things (whether it’s work, money, or, in your case, a forthcoming baby) he can’t seem to compartmentalize that stress and it invades all parts of his – and, by extension, my – life.

I guess I don’t really have any great advice other than the fact that your DH’s perspective will likely change considerably after your baby is born and maybe he just needs a little time to understand what his new life will be like.

I absolutely feel for you and wish you all the very best resolving this πŸ™‚

 

The topic ‘No feel pretty, issues with hubby on baby #2 talk…sorry if it’s a ramble.’ is closed to new replies.

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