(Closed) No FMIL Gift?

posted 9 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I’m really not sure abuot the whole gift thing until now, so I’m glad you brought it up, too bad it was under these circumstances though. Try not to feel bad about your Future Mother-In-Law not wanting to talk about your wedding, mine is the same. I try to talk to her about it so she feels involed but she always brushes me off or changes the subject.

Post # 4
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

So is your wedding not until next October? If so, there’s quite a long time left still for his mom to become involved in some way. Even if not, you could just give her a card expressing your happiness that she was at the wedding, maybe with a picture of all of you together. If she’s his only parent, it’s important to keep that relationship strong in spite of annoyance. That’s what it seems like to me, anyway.

Regarding parent gifts, we didn’t give them. We didn’t give each other gifts, either. Our peer groups just don’t do that. We’re going to give each set of parents a Blurb album in a few weeks, but that’s it. So I wouldn’t feel too stressed about it because I don’t think most parents expect to get anything.

Post # 5
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I was sort of wondering about gifts as well. My mom, and my Aunt to a lesser extent, are the only people really helping with our wedding. My mom is paying for the whole thing, including the rehearsal dinner! My FI’s mom is a really nice lady, but she’s broke and I think just a bit clueless about weddings in general. His Dad isn’t really in the picture and my Dad passed away in 2004. I also have two MOH’s and Fiance has a best man, but they haven’t done anything either. Basically all everyone has to do is show up. I’ll probably get the girls just a little something, because I love them… but I need to do something nice for my Mom and my Aunt who is taking our pictures and has been a wealth of emotional support. My guess is we’ll probably send Future Mother-In-Law a framed picture of the two of us from the wedding when its all over. Whoever we end up giving gifts to, it will be in private.

Post # 7
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Gosh I’m glad I’m not the only one  who didn’t give out gifts to everyone and their cousin.  I’m starting to feel guilty.

I would say that if you aren’t having a Rehearsal Dinner, then you can jsut present your gifts to whomever you want to give gifts to, in a rahter private way.  That way, Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t get one, nor sees anyone else getting one.  But  I really don’t think that you need to thank her for anything if she’s isn’t giving you anthing.

However, for the sake of your relationship with her, I might try to go a bit easier on her.  Are you sure she can afford to give you money?  Even if she can, maybe she’s kind of traditional and doesn’t really feel she’s supposed to offer you money. (That if you and Fiance aren’t paying for it, it’s up to your parents.)  Does Fi have a sister?  Maybe she’s trying to save her money to pay for that wedding.  Also, as amysue mentioned, your wedding is a ways off.  Perhaps she will get in the game a bit later.  I just don’t want you to expect anyone to offer to pay.  She really isn’t obligated.  And it doesn’t have to mean that she dislikes you or isn’t approving.  (But if you are concerned about this in some way, you could always tlak to your Fi about it.)

Post # 9
1103 posts
Bumble bee

To be honest I probably wouldn’t give her anything. If it turns out she does get supportive (might happen closer to the time) or is really helpful on the day, you could change your mind later and give her a card or small gift. I am intending to buy presents for our parents, but they are all contributing financially and have been very supportive in other ways too. And I would probably stop discussing the wedding with her too, at least until closer to the time. If it hurts when she’s not interested, don’t give her the opportunity 🙂

Post # 10
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

While I think that you’re not ENTITLED to give her anything (or any of your parents, for that matter), it would be nice. Otherwise, it would probably be seen as a snub, and that could damage your future relationship with her.

Post # 11
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Gilneas, do you think that maybe she doesn’t offer much support for the wedding, because she feels awkward talking about it, if she can’t put any money into it?  Maybe she feels like she hasn’t bought her way into the boardroom, so to speak.  Or maybe she feels if she starts offering opinions, that she’ll be hit for a request of money.  (Not that you would, but maybe her perception.)

If she feels like your family has even a little more money, perhaps she feels like the whole event is passing her by.  Sometimes it’s hard for MOG.  They don’t always know where they fit in.  And if your families seem to have different lifestyles she jsut might not know how to fit in, in general.  (Not sure if that all applies.  Just a thought.)

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