(Closed) No Friends

posted 6 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Can you suggest sending his far-away friends an invite anyway, and then see what happens? Best-case scenario, some of them will actually come. Worst-case scenario is they decline (but he’s earned brownie points for making them feel wanted and included, whereas, if they don’t get an invite, that could actually hurt the friendship and it sounds like he’s in a position where it would be a really good idea not to do that). Then at the wedding you could put a note in the program/make an announcement about “thanks to those friends who are here to join us, and to those who were unable to travel to be here, but who support us from afar” or something like that.

Seriously, for his sake, I would encourage him to not risk alienating the fairly small and far-flung circle of friends he has by leaving them off the invite list for his wedding.

Post # 4
Member
1431 posts
Bumble bee

Are you friends only girls or guys too?  is he close with your friends? When me and my husband got married he considered “my” friends his as well by then, does your fi feel that way at all? You don’t want your husband feeling uncomfortable on his wedding day but if it’s important to you to have your friends there I’m sure you can talk it through. As long as its not like you have a bunch of bridesmaids standing up there with you and he is all alone I don’t think its a big deal for them to be there.

Post # 8
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Have your ushers seat all of your guests evenly regardless of “side” they belong to. That’s usually the only time people would notice who has more friends etc. And then be sure to stick by him throughout the day and include him in all the conversations you have with friends. Maybe even ask a few of your close guy friends/family to make an effort to seek him out on the wedding day as well. My husband also had fewer friends than I did and this was how we handled it. Happy planning 🙂

Meagan O

Post # 9
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

I would suggest sending invites to the out of town guests, and maybe your own friends would bring dates? That way, the male/female ratio might not be as skewed. Maybe approach this gingerly with your Fiance, and expain that your friends are also his friends now. I think that you could even agree to keep things quiet, and if people mention it, you could say that all of his close friends are out of state.

Post # 10
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

Also, where are you having the wedding? If he is from another state and has moved to be with you, I think people will realize that and not think it’s so odd that there isn’t as much support on his side.

Post # 11
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I just wanted to lend my support and let you know that we had a similar situation. We had the wedding where I’m from and most of my friends were able to come. We had three tables of my friends. My husband invited a bunch of his friends and the guys who were his roommates and really close friends weren’t even going to come. In the end he had one amazing friend who flew in but I actually got on the phone with one of the guys and I said whatever you have to do to get here, do it. I will help pay, we can split it but this is for him and he’ll be crushed if you don’t get here. A day before the wedding two more of his friends booked tickets. His side was smaller but it was the guys that actually took the time to come through that touched his heart and who he remembers to this day. 

ETA: I just wanted to add since I saw some of the OP’s updates that throughout the invite/RSVP process there were times that he made comments and I felt extremely guilty and hurt for him. That is what ultimately led me to contact his friends personally and start brainstorming ways some of them could come and offer my own money. We really just had to keep a positive outlook and remember what the day was really about. Once his family started flying in for the wedding and he realized the momentous moment that was about to happen, I think he calmed down a bit about the friends. When we look back at pictures it is noticeable that many more of my friends were there, but we really choose to focus on the amazing memories we made that day and now we’re looking to move forward and meet new people to become friends with in a new phase of life. 

Post # 13
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It’s really not that big of a deal, My guest list is half family, a quarter family friends and the rest are my friends… My fiance has one friend. It doesn’t bother him at all though, everyone knows he’s more into me and his family. He hangs out with my nephew and my brother, can’t your fiance hang out with your family… or his? I mean if having friends is such a big deal to him

Post # 16
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We are having a really small ceremony meaning just us and our 3 kids, parents, siblings and their spouses and my grandmother (our only living grandparent).  No other family and no friends.  This is what we want in this instance (we didn’t want anything big, not the first marriage for either of us) and I have explained this to some people so far, including friends, and actually they have been very receptive to it.  Just explain that you have decided to keep everything to strictly family even though you would love to have them there.  I think true friends will understand.

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