(Closed) No friends

posted 5 years ago in African-American
Post # 16
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

While I get being concerned about friends particularly for wedding stuff, finding friends to support you through everyday life is more important. Maybe it just took the wedding for you to realize it. I’m sure your fiancé loves and supports you but it not healthy to have a support system of one person.

You should join some groups like a book club or girls movie group that exists ouside of you Fiance and church so you can expand you friend circle. Several people have said meetup.com is a good place to find local events with people who are actually want to meet new people. Try it.

Post # 17
Member
961 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - San Clemente Church, Italy

Wow, I pray the best for you. My heart goes out because I can relate, I took stock of my life and realized that I had been a great and generous friend, but realized that pretty much all my “friendships” were one way with me doing all the giving and others doing all the taking. It just became so clear when I met my Fiance and saw what it’s really like when someone really loves you, likes and respects you. All my “friendships” were garbage in comparison. I made the bold move to cut them all off and let them all go. Now I see what what real friendship and unconditional love feels like, I won’t settle for anything else!! My family situation is identical to yours!

I occasionally miss people to “do stuff” with, but I don’t miss the constant disappointment of unreciprotated love. I’m a loving, smart, funny, kind person and one of the loyalist people I know and there are other women out there who will love me for that just like I can love and support them. I have every confidence that we can BOTH meet those people and forge healthy friendships.

For now, we are both blessed to have found our “best friend” in our husbands to be And we can build from there! Good luck!

Post # 18
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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soon2bmrscole:  I completely understand how you feel! I too have no friends other than my future husband who is my best friend. I have acquaintances at work but would not consider them true friends. I had many friends throughout high school but as time went on we lost contact as I had my first child very young and they went off to college. I sometimes feel as others said here that it’s not healthy to have a one person support system. I sometimes think my future husband wishes I had girlfriends to do things with on the weekends and such so we would be more independent of each other. I would love to have that feeling of friends who I can confide in and we can support each other through the ups and downs of life. A fellow female perspective would be awesome once in a while! Up until wedding planning I convinced myself I didn’t “need” friends by focusing heavily on my family and demanding career. But I do find myself lonely and wanting to have someone to share in the joy of wedding planning. My future husband has plenty of friends and wants to have a best man but I have no one I can even think of to be my Maid/Matron of Honor other than my mother which is awkward. 

Feel free to PM me. Although we are not local to each other, even corresponding online may give us both a chance to form a friendship over wedding planning! Either way, I wish you the best of luck!

Thanks to the other bees for recommending meetup.com… I will have to try it out!

Post # 19
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017 - France

I can relate, I just moved to another country where I don’t speak the language, it’s been 4 months now and I haven’t made any friends because I have social anxiety so I really don’t make friends like that. I do have three really good friends that I’ve known for years and they’re guys so not as interested in wedding planning lol I’m closer to my brothers than my sisters and my sisters aren’t even interested in wedding planning so I’m pretty much alone 24/7. I signed up for meetup.com but feel no desire to drive to the nearest city to meet anyone, I can’t drive anyway so I just visit sites online and chat here and there.

Post # 20
Member
493 posts
Helper bee

Weddings can honestly bring out the best or even worst of situations that surround the planning process. Im sorry you have to be going through this somewhat alone but I am glad your biggest support team is your Fiance. Feel free to PM me as well. We can be of great support and especially can relate in regards to the planning process. Just know your not alone.

Post # 21
Member
336 posts
Helper bee

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soon2bmrscole:  I completely understand where you are coming from! I just recently married and I don’t have any friend either (mainly due to working long hours and school). I decided to have my brother be my “Best Man”. So we had two best men and my DH & I. I absolutely loved it! There was no one I’d rather have up there than him. Ultimately, just remember that you have the most important friend you’ll ever need with you on your day(Husband). Good luck & congratulations!

Post # 22
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

 

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soon2bmrscole:  Awwwwww….

What state do you live in?

Post # 23
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m in the same exact position and to make it worse my Fi has a huge loving family and mine is small and jealous. I’m in L A and I’m happy for you 😊 Feel free to reach out,pm. We deserve to have someone to giggle with and be excited with 

Post # 24
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Costa Rica

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soon2bmrscole :  I know how you feel my relationship with my friends began to fade away after I met my Fiance but when I had my son it pretty much became non existent. Fiance & I have been through and will go through a lot with our sweet boy and ppl started to drop out of our lives like flies! Hell when I told a “close” friend of mine I was pregnant over the phone I can taste the negativity! It was a “green eyed should’ve been me not u” vibe. Anyway Im grateful for all of the hardships we have been through cause it shows u who is really on ya side. To them I say good riddance! 

As far as my wedding I only want positivity love vibes and consequently it is cost effective! I will probably have my 2 sisters as matron and maid of honor and he will do the same. I just have no time for fake friends and the pomp and circumstance of a traditional wedding.  

Post # 25
Member
29 posts
Newbee

View original reply
soon2bmrscole : Hun, I’m in exactly the same boat except I don’t even have family besides my parents and I’m not even on good terms with them. I have no one to stand by me at the altar and no one attending on my side but I’m learning to accept that my wedding day will be about my and FI’s love for each other and not showing off how many friends I have.

I made a thread not long ago about having no friends and am trying to now put myself out there a bit more and try and meet more people. I’m slowly getting somewhere and have learned that there really is nothing to be afraid of. Get yourself out there – we can do this together 🙂 

 

Post # 26
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2017

OP, I hope things are looking up. Have you been able to make some inroads with friendships?

Most of my friends are from college and the bonds are still going strong. Turned friends of friends into friendships as well. From my job I made a couple of close friends, will invite them to the wedding. But as an adult, it’s definitely not easy to start from stratch. My suggestion — is there anyone at work you can get to know and get invited to hang out with their larger friend group? If not, try out a regular group activity like yoga or a book club and try to identify individuals who may be friend material. Be friendly and go from there.

Good luck and congrats on your impending nuptials!

Post # 27
Member
1908 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I will say that it’s harder to maintain and/or create new friendships as you get older.  When people are adults, they have work obligations, if they’re married or in a relationship, they spend time with their partners as well, if they have kids, they have to take care of them, and as a friend maybe you can get a sliver of their time lol.  I rarely see most of my friends who have kids (especially those with small children) because they really have to make arrangements to meet up.  And sometimes when plans are made, they have to cancel.  So, I get it.  But like others have suggested, try places like Meetup.com.  I’ve met a few nice people through meetup events, and actually gained two great friends who I communicate with weekly, and sometimes daily.

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