Post # 1
I have always been that girl that dreamed of the huge wedding full of family and friends, lots of food, lots of dancing, etc. Unfortunately, since my fiance and I have decided to take the next step, we have realized that we really do not have many guests that will most likely attend. On his side is probably his mother, one or two siblings, and maybe their families. On my side, most likely only my parents, maybe grandparents, a couple coworkers/ aquaintances, and that’s about it. On top of that, the majority of our guests are the type to throw in the towel half-way into the night and go home rather than get up and dance/mingle.
I am heart-broken. Both he and I struggle to make friends easily, as we are the more quiet type when it comes to meeting new people, but once you get us talking you can’t shut us up. lol I don’t know what to do. It hurts knowing I will probably never get a bridal shower/ engagement party/ bachelorette party/ wedding I’ve always dreamed of, and because of this reason, and this reason alone, we’ve thought about eloping. But I know I would always look back on the wedding that could have been.
Is there anyone out there that knows what this feels like or is going through this too? While others are struggling to limit their guest list, I am struggling to add to it.
Post # 3
I’m always one who has believed in quality over quantity when it comes to friendships. I’m really sorry that you think you won’t have the wedding that you have always envisioned, but the people that you love will be there.
Post # 4
I feel your pain. When we finally did our guest list I felt like I was scrounging for guests. I dont have a lot of friends and my fiance’s family are a boat load of idiots (he will tell you himself).
Then I realized the bright side. Its not about the amount of people who are there on your day…the only two people who need to be present are you and your man. Yes its a bummer that a million people arent there to show love but it doesnt change how much you love each other.
Buck up soldier. You have a wedding to plan. Send out the invitations to those invited when its time and if only a few people RSVP think about how inexpensive the wedding will be. Thats what I keep telling myself. So far it works.
Post # 5
My mom is one of eight, and his dad is one of six, so our families are huge. But as for our “friends” part of the guest list…it’s almost non-existant. Neither of us really have that many friends, and even though our families are huge, they’re all out of state. I doubt half will come.
If I do have a shower/bachelorette party, there will only be like 5 people there. I’m ok with it though, really. I hate opening gifts in front of people. It makes me feel awkward.
Post # 6
I’m not going to say sorry because there isn’t anything you should feel sad about. I have to have at least 150 people or I get charged a few thousand dollars on top of everyone’s meals. So in a way yes I am struggling to add to the guest list.
I was kind of like you at the beginning of sending invites. We invited a lot of people, but we would get 5 declines in one day, which was heart breaking. We knew it going in since we are getting married over the 4th of july weekend this year.
Instead of getting myself worked up I told myself that the people that come are the ones that matter the most. Honestly, your wedding is not a big televised event that needs an audience to match. The people that come are the ones that love and care about you the most.
If the wedding you have always dreamed of is some big, fancy, expensive, lavish ceremony with tons of people and not just being there marrying the man you love then you have it wrong. Once you embrace the fact that you may have a small ceremony and reception, you will feel a lot less stressed in the months to come 🙂 Besides that, there are quite a few people that prefer smaller ceremony. Less stress and planning.
You can still decide to elope, hon. Or maybe a destination wedding? Whatever happens, you are marrying the man that loves you, and you aren’t going to look back at your wedding and wish you would have had 500 people to see you get married. You’re gonna look back and remember what it felt like to walk down the aisle and see your future hubby for the first time.
Good luck, hon.
Post # 7
HUGS! I’m going through the same thing… Managed to find a solid amount of guests (120) and now we keeping getting rsvp “no’s” or tons of people keep letting us know they won’t need the plus one we gave them. Were still waiting on more than half the rsvps that are late and people keep telling me some people will rsvp yes and not show up. I feel like hy dreams are crashing down and I did a lot of work for nothing. I want to go back to the beginning and elope! It would have been lovely and romantic I hope it turns out better for you. 🙂 I’m still ctossing my fingers mine turns out okay.
Post # 8
The only guests I actually really care about being at my wedding is my parents and siblings and his parents and his sister. Anyone else is a bonus imo. Some of my closest friends will be there and I’m actually excited about having a small guest list. Just makes the whole day more intimate and special to me and I will actually be able to spend time with my guests and talk to them instead of running around trying to make sure I say hello to everyone. Like someone else said, it’s all about quality over quantity anyways.
Post # 9
Guest lists do weird things to people lol. There’s something about having to list out your friends and seeing a number that plays tricks with the mind! But you should ignore the number and focus on the quality–the people you do have listed, do they make you feel loved and supported and are you so excited to be seeing them there? If yes, then your guest list and friend situation are just fine.
Post # 10
I feel you, I moved a couple of times and lost touch with friends and I’m very picky with who I become friends with. It will be ok the most important thing is that you will be with people who really care about you!
Post # 11
Oh, hugs to you! I went through this exact feeling a couple of months ago. My fiance has a ton of friends but they are all older (fiance is older) so they probably won’t party all night long. I, however, don’t make frienids. Or keep them once I have them. and my family is non-existant other than my sister. Just keep your head up, it will all work out exactly how it should and you will love it no matter what. Good luck!
Post # 12
I feel like I could have written this post when we first started putting together our guest list!
We have 50 people invited. 85% of them are my parents or grandparents age. We decided to do an afternoon wedding because of this, and have an after party with our friends, (the wedding party pretty much!). My bachelorette party is 6 people including me, and I will most likely not have a bridal shower. At first I was really sad, but as things have been moving along, I’m okay with it. Just remember, you are there to marry your man, and nothing else matters. Even if no one at all shows up, it will all be worth it in the end.
Post # 13
I can relate.
FH and I got engaged two years ago and the first thing we did was set up a guest list. His was larger than mine by far because he has a large family. A few days ago though I stumbled onto that original list and in two years not even half of those people would attend or are even a part of our lives anymore. I imagine that between the two of us we might get 30 guests and that’s if all the planets align correctly, so realistically maybe 15 to 20.
FH and I aren’t very good at making friends either. The last two years of college I’ve managed to lose 3 friends instead of gaining any.
And I want to elope as well, or go to the courthouse with my parents (maybe, we’ll see how that goes), his parents and two of our good friends.
But, I also don’t know if I would miss the wedding that could have been.
I guess I look at it like this. Fewer people means less food and less money. Also, the people who do come will be the ones that care about us the most and want to celebrate with us. I’d much rather have 5 people that really cared about me come to my wedding than 100 people who didn’t care at all. Quality over quantity.
Post # 14
I guess I struggle because we are lacking both the quantity and the quality. My parents aren’t supportive what-so-ever and offered me money just to elope, and his mother and siblings don’t want to come to town unless we pay for them, so we are just at a loss. I never imagined a wedding to be like this. I thought a wedding was supposed to be about all family and friends gathering together and having a huge party to celebrate the amazing love between two people. We think about eloping, which is actually kind of fun to think about, but I worry that I’ll look back and be disappointed on the moments I missed that you only get when you have a wedding with family/friends there, like the first look everyone gets when they see the bride, or the silly frantic fretting right before (yes, I actually look forward to that). Am I crazy? Because I really feel like I am.
Post # 15
@theseautumneyes: I don’t think you are crazy to have pictured your wedding in your mind a certain way. The people that I know that went off to some tropical paradise and got married all had no regrets. Only reason we aren’t doing that is because I know our parents would be heartbroken(and mine could not afford to travel someplace they couldn’t drive to). Just keep focus on the important thing…you are marrying your best friend and starting a life with him.
Post # 16
@theseautumneyes: You’re totally not crazy but I am going to give you an approach that isn’t very sweet. You’re basically sad about a wedding that wouldn’t exist in the first place. You want this huge fairy tale wedding but since it’s not going to happen anyway due to your family’s lack of enthusiasm (which I think blows, by the way), go away and have a killer time just the two of you. When I think about the wedding I was supposed to have — oh wait, I never really intended on getting married. HA! Ahhh, life is full of lovely surprises. You still get a first look when you elope. And you’re still going to be frantic leading up to it. Eloping doesn’t mean it’s 100% stress free — trust me, you’ll find something to freak out over. 😉
Maybe this is Fate’s way of saving you a buttload of cash so you can start your life debt-free. Doesn’t sound so bad, does it??