(Closed) No friends and hardly any guests :(

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I wouldn’t want a bid wedding with many people because I don’t like to be a center of attention with tons of people watching me :-).  I think in your case, as long as people you love and close to you are at your wedding, that should matter the most!

Post # 18
Member
1429 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m sorry hun and I know how you feel.

My advise…Don’t try to make your wedding what it just isn’t meant to be. I’ll explain…

I always dreamed of a big wedding with lots of bridesmaids and groomsmen. The fab bridal shower and bachelorette party complete with games, family, friends and love. 

So, I tried to MAKE this happen even though I have no family of my own except my two grown kids and a brother and sis in law I hardly know. DH has tons of family that is sooooooo boring. As for friends I have two from high school that I just reconnected with on FB 2 years ago. Two old neighbors and two girls that I used to waitress with 8 years ago. So no really close close friends. DH…He has a couple of friends that have moved away. Not close enough friends to pay for plane and hotel tickets for his wedding apparently.

So, I chose my Future Sister-In-Law to be my Maid/Matron of Honor because I didn’t want to hurt any friends feelings. She threw me a bridal shower which I am grateful for but it was nothing like what I invisioned or would throw for a friend. Basicly a come and go with food and presents. No games no decorations. 🙁 No one had a bachelorette party for me either.

I so wanted to plan both these for myself but etiquette says that’s a no no.

My daughter was my one and only bridesmaid

DH had no Bridesmaid or Best Man or groomsmen.

I planned and paid for this big wedding I had paid for the DJ, Photogs ect to stay until 11 pm. Most people left by 7:30-8. The only ones left dancing were my kids friends. By 9 it was completly over. I am still sad and upset about the whole thing. It a day I can’t do over. A day I will never get back.

Sorry for the vent in your thread. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone and I hope this doesn’t happen to you.

By The Way… I wanted to elope but DH said we couldn’t because of his huge family.

Post # 19
Member
1139 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

The most memorable wedding I have ever attended was a morning wedding with couples small family and a small number of friends. It was so intimate and seemed to have more meaning as it wasn’t about a party. Just concentrate on making it as personal as you can. You could also consider a destination wedding. I see great deals on living social and group on all the time for amazing beaches. You could also do something like that.I too don’t make friends easily so I understand where your coming from. Maybe just consider changing you dreams a little.

Post # 20
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper

I can relate. I have been sick for the past four years. I used to have just about a million friends. I couldn’t walk across my collee campus (of 25,000) without seeing at least a few people I knew. It’s really hard to grow apart from people, and I have also found out who my true friends are (sad but true). It’s very difficult to keep up relationships with people when you are ill, and can be hard for people to relate to and understand.

Anyway, I think my honest opinion would be for you to elope. You are always going to mourn the loss so to speak of this big wedding. But even if you have a wedding, it wont be what you imagined. I get it. But also, you could have a fabulous wedding in Paris, or Maui, or wherever tickles your fancy. And maybe it would be so great that you wouldn’t ever wonder what if. Because all that really matters is that you marry someone you love, and are happy. Maybe consider that your new “dream wedding.”

Post # 21
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@theseautumneyes:  Think about how much money you will save by having a small wedding!

I have the opposite problem. We know too many people, plus have big families. But our budget is not $100k so we have to decide whom not to invite (and hope they won’t get offended). We have to cut a lot of corner in order to invite more people (still not everyone though).

In my shoes, I think where you are is better. You get to invite everyone you want and get the best food, best photographer, best DJ, best….and still able to plan that wonderful wedding without going into debt.

Post # 22
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

We are the same way. I never really wanted a HUGE wedding but I did always envise a lot of people at the reception dancing the night away. But the truth is we don’t have that many friends, and the ones we do have aren’t really the dancing type. So… here’s what we’re doing:

 

Having a beach wedding I always wanted. JUST our family(immediate) will be there. That way they will all get to see me  in my gown, etc. That night we’ll have a dinner and then a campfire, hopefully. And just hang out on the beach rather than it being a big reception. BUT the week after we’ve invited a lot of people(co-workers, distant friends, just about everyone we could think of)… to an at home reception. I’m trying to make it REALLY fun so people will be inspired to come. Maybe we’ll make some of the friends closer to us, IDK. But hopefully it will turn out great. Otherwise, we didn’t really lose much.

 

You have a while before your wedding, the only thing I can think to suggest is to really try to make more friends… at least not-so-close friends that you could still invite.

Post # 23
Member
2353 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry you’re disappointed, but honestly, every wedding has its disappointments. Why not just have a lovely small wedding, and make the most of it? Elope if you like, or just do something that’s focused on family?

Then, make it a goal as a couple to learn to make friends. Work at it. It’s a good skill to have, and while some people do it easily, many of us have to learn. I used to get very overwhelmed in crowds of people I don’t know well, and I’d get quiet and shy and not meet anyone. So decided to change that, and I read books on it and practiced until I got pretty good at it. Now I can meet people and make friends pretty easily. That’s not to say it’s easy to deepen friendships, but getting that initial part of meeting them can be much easier with practice. Maybe, someday, you and your husband will be able to throw each other a nice, big anniversary party, and you’ll be able to invite all the friends you made together as a couple. 

Post # 24
Member
10450 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I feel you. I moved so much growing up and never had the group of close friends. My fiancé however hgrouping group of guys that are all in love with each other (seriously, if I wasn’t in the picture…).

I have no problem with guests, as we have lots of family friends and I do have friends from work and university, but none of them are particularly close. My issue is that my bridal party will be small… Just my sister and ome friend. Whereas my fiancé wanted at least 4, since he has this huge group to choose from. I definitely feel bad about that! 

I look at it like this… While it’s not what I always wanted, those two are people that I’m not going to look back in 10 years and say “where is she now”?

You may not have quantity, but as long as you have quality that’s a good thing.

Post # 25
Member
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

If I were you, I would elope, or have a super small wedding. Stop envisioning a huge wedding with nameless people you wish existed in our life. Your life, as it is, is important and real. Go back to the beginning, picture the people in your life that if you were doing something fun and special having them there would increase the fun and specialness. THAT is your guest list. Is it ten people? Host an amazing destination wedding, with food to die for and massages for everyone! Or rent out a B&B in wine country for the weekend and just enjoy love and a glass of wine with these fun, special people, and get married one night under the stars. 

Reimagine the perfect wedding, the point is being surrounded by those nearest and dearest, think how much fun you and FH will have when it’s just your three best friends?

 

Post # 26
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We are only having 50 or so people, we arent social at all lol.. and I prefer it this way, much cheaper and so intimate

Post # 27
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

View original reply
@stephanysigers:  We have 40 people on our guestlist(including their plus ones).  I think maybe 30 of those will actually show.  I’m ok with it though.  Just trying to figure out what kind of music to play at our reception(it is under covered pavillion on beach) since I don’t see anyone really dancing. Me and my Fiance love 90s rock/alternative but wonder if eyebrows will raise if we play a lot of that, lol.

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