(Closed) No friends who understand?

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

I know the feeling. I’m the only one in my group of friends that is in a serious relationship! Well you have came to the right place. So many can relate here. Including me…lol

Post # 3
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I’m the only one in my circle of friends who is married (I was the only one engaged, and previously the only one in a serious, committed relationship). None of them are even in a relationship, still! True friends are supporting of who you’re with and the path that your taking in life. All my single friends came to my wedding and we all still hang out. I never shoved wedding or engagement in their face or overly talked about it, but that’s just who I am as a person. However if I was anxious or excited about something, I’d talk to them. They all were the first people I informed of my engagement! So while they might not understand everything I’m going/went though, they all supported me. Don’t be afraid to talk to your friends! True friends will support every step you take!

I also don’t think it’s fair for you to say that you’re focusing on a relationship while their focusing on academics, career, etc. You can totally have the best of both words! Don’t think you have to choose! My husband and I have been through both of our high school graduations (seperate years), both of our college graduations (still seperate years), and next week we’re moving to go on to our professional degrees (law school for him, and my masters). Then we’ll gallantly go head first into finding careers together, still happily married! 

Post # 5
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Lol I was in the opposite situation for a long time (only one in my friend group not married/engaged or headed that way). Sometimes I felt a bit lonely or not able to relate as well to them but it never really hindered our friendship. I feel like good friends should always want to know the major things going on with each other – so you should be able to talk to them about this! Years ago, when I was in a dead-end relationship and my best friend got engaged I was over the moon for her and wanted to know every detail of what was happening – it didn’t matter that I was in a totally different place myself.

Post # 6
1474 posts
Bumble bee

Out of my bridesmaids, 2 girls are married but the other 5 are single. For my FH, 1 of his groomsmen is engaged (he is actually getting married 3 wks after us) and the other 6 are single. I am 24 and he is 25 so that probably explains why most of our friends are single. 

BUT, I don’t think that has impacted my relationships with them at all. And I feel like they all understand the importance of this life transition for me even though they haven’t gone thru it yet.

We connect on other levels. My FH and I are currently PhD students. We both finished MA’s and a large portion of our friend group has too. Or they’re starting grad school now. So we connect on that. I think that we met our whole close friend group in college if they’re not family or church friends.  

Post # 7
261 posts
Helper bee

I know how you feel! My friends and I are all nearing 30, and we’re all focusing on academics and careers. They focus only on careers, while I’m focusing on both (similar situation as you, 3 years in and marriage+kids+house is the plan)…. A lot of my friends joke about the girls that “just want to get married” and about how kids are a lifetime away for them. Lots of eyerolls involved when someone from highschool gets engaged young.

I love that they’re independent, but I also feel strange being the only one on this track. It’s probably a major reason I’m on these boards, lol! 

Post # 8
261 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
nycoleman :  Totally agree! I never understand the notion that woman have to choose to focus on one or the other! Men have were the “breadwinners” for ages and also have had relationships, families and such. Yet, for some reason there is this expectation that women in the workforce have to choose between careers and family. 

My SO is a medical resident, I am earning my masters, AND we hope to have kids soon. No need to pick and choose 🙂 

Post # 9
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2022 - Maui

All of my friends basically got married when I did the first time around so that was a grand time but Iʻm the only one who divorced instead of had a baby so that was quite lonely feeling even though I knew they had my back. So now planning a different future with someone else, they like him, but theyʻre on to kid topics, and Iʻm 50 steps back planning a wedding. I love them, but yes I am the only engaged girl in our group right now and I feel weird talking about it cuz itʻs my 2nd time around, the excitement and ettiquette is a little different. 

Post # 10
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Kentwood, MI

I kinda have the same feeling bee! I’m 24 and my so is 30, so everyone in my age is either married, married with kids, or are in college. The really hard part is that we are long distance and my so works two jobs and already has ring bought and we probably won’t be engaged until 2018 at earliest. The rings are paid off already and he just closed on a condo, so I’m definitely feeling that “when will he pop the question?”I’m going to be in a one year program for medical coding, so hopefully that’ll distract me. 🙂

Post # 11
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

That’s what the hive is for! I get it- I only have one married friend, everyone else seems to focus on other things. 

If you are sad, excited or anything else there are always bees around to support you 😁

Post # 12
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Agreed with the bee being a big support! We are 26/27 and the first in our close friend group to be married. Most are in long term relationships but marriage/kids is far away on their radar as they are attempting to move out of their parent’s house and/or paying off student/car loans. I try not to talk too much wedding stuff with them (even though they are my bridesmaids) because I don’t want to bore them with details.

Post # 13
211 posts
Helper bee

Out of my group of friends:

Friend 1 married @ 19, fast forward 9 years she has 2 kids. Currently stay at home mom, though starting to take shifts at her husbands work. Has her own house. This one I kind of grew apart from.

Friend 2 pregnant @ 19 became a single mother after 2 years, fast forward 9 years… she just got married last year (engaged after 6 months of dating and married at 1 year of dating) and last month she delivered their beautiful girl.. so 2 kids now! Stay at home mom, rents a house.

Friend 3 single as long as I have known her (no serious relationships that I know of but she keeps that stuff private usually)… more focused on trying to find a serious job in her field but no luck. Doesn’t want kids. Lives with her parents still and works at her dads company.

Friend 4 moved to Korea to teach and has no plans on having serious relationships.. eventually wants kids but is okay being a mature parent. Her main focus has always been travel 🙂 

Friend 5 has an almost 1 year old with her current BF… but she is leaving her BF to be a single mum because the father is not stable enough. Currently stay at home mom living with the BFs parents.

Friend 6 has a really good job that she hates. Has the worst luck in the world and has had many bad things happen to the point her really good paying job isn’t enough income wise and she can’t find a new job she would like better if she has to take a pay cut. Doesn’t want kids and would like a relationship but has not had any luck getting into one. 

Then theres me… has a really good stable job in my profession, just bought a house 2 years ago with my BF of 4 years. Waiting on the engagement. Eventually want 2 kids.

My point being lol all my friends are all over the place and I can’t really relate to any of them completely but we have our similarities. I talk the most with Friend 2 + 3 and I text briefly with Friend 6. I feel bad complaining about lack of money because all of my friends have a lot less and have 0 monies and barely any income. I hate being insecure about relationship stuff because 4/6 of my friends are either having relationship problems or don’t have a relationship when they want one. I still talk about everything I feel I need to talk about with Friend 2 +3 and they listen and offer advice if they can. They don’t ever make me feel like I can’t talk to them about it. And I know if I ever needed to talk about anything friends 2-6 will always be there for me and me for them. 

I feel like for wedding stuff I would talk to friend 2+3 the most because they love this sort of thing and love coming up with cute ideas. It can be sucky to not have someone in the same position as yourself. And I am afraid about how it will play out when its time to get married because right now none of my friends could realistically afford to be a bridesmaid with all the money expectations. But I don’t care what they are wearing, as long as they are standing up with me. 

Post # 14
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

Unless one of your friends has any traumas to do with marriage (seems unlikely as you said most of them aren’t even in relationships). But in my friend group it’s even better if a friend gets into a relatinoship or married because we know that they’re happy!

And that’s all that really matters. Your friends shouldn’t be uncomfortable with being invited to your wedding or even talking about it. I personally would love to help my friends plan their wedding or if they just need a place to rant. 

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