No friends who understand?

posted 3 months ago in Waiting
Post # 16
188 posts
Blushing bee

laselbee :  As long as you are there to listen about the horrible Tinder date… she should be there to listen about you looking at rings! 

Post # 17
315 posts
Helper bee

laselbee :  Please do not “feel bad” when talking about your love life to your friends.  “Feeling bad” is like you pity them. You think maybe that they are jealous of you and your relationship.  Who knows, maybe your friends are in secret pitying you, and thanking themselves they are not tied down or with a man like yours! I do not say this to be mean, but to say you don’t know what others think.

I am the last one from my friends to get married (almost 40).  Always it “grinds gears” when my friends assume this about me, that I was desperate to get married or are sad I don’t have a man. For 10 years I was happy by myself, had no desire for a relationship, no plan to have children — happy except for friend and family suggesting I must be sad, or must be sensitive about weddings. Now I am engaged they say thing like “i’m so happy it finally happened” “we told you your time would come” like this. I want to chop off their head some time.

Post # 18
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

mrsnyctola :  I agree. I think some women end up isolating themselves from their friends when they get in a serious relationship because they adopt a paternalistic attitude towards their single friends. When in fact, many of their friends probably don’t even care about getting married. 

As a PhD student, I’m in the minority for women getting married. Most ppl are single and focused entirely on finishing the degree program, publishing, and getting on the job market.

If anything, marriage is viewed negatively by a lot of them but they are still happy for me and likewise I am happy that they are focused on what makes them happy. I don’t feel sorry for them and they don’t feel sorry for me. We just have different paths. 

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