Post # 1
So I’m sure I will get flamed for this somewhat, because gifts are not required. Here goes…
We had a wedding in a big city. My husband and I are both students, but even so we had a very nice wedding weekend planned with events for both nights at beautiful places with dinners and open bars. We kept the guest list on the small side (50) so that we’d be able to do this. My brother shows up Friday night with an uninvited guest. I was not informed ahead of time that he would be bringing anyone, nor was I asked permission. This wasn’t even a date – it was his buddy who I had never even met before. Brother also brings him on Saturday night. I was bothered by this but of course busy and didn’t have time to really get pissed about it until after the wedding, thinking how rude it was. Both nights after the festivities were over brother went out all night and according to my friends who were at some of the same places, spent $1000s on bottle service both nights and insisted on picking up the tab everywhere he went. He owns his own business so this is not unusual for him.
Two months after the wedding, we have received no card, no gift whatsoever or acknowledgment from him. Now, before you think I am gift-grabby, I didn’t receive a gift from about ten others and wouldn’t have accepted it even if they had tried to give it because I know they are not financially well off, or are students like me and my husband. I am just happy that they were able to celebrate with us. But with my brother, I don’t get it. He is well off. He brought an uninvited guest like it was no big deal for us to spend all that extra money after we had cut out others from the list for budget reasons. He spent all that money on himself and friends that weekend. I feel very hurt by his lack of gift, and I don’t want to be upset by it anymore. I would never do that to my family, and I feel like he would never treat his friends that way but doesn’t care about me so much. I really can’t imagine not wanting to give him something special on his wedding day, even if it was something inexpensive just so he’d know how much I love him. Even just a letter saying something special and meaningful.
I have thought maybe he hasn’t had time to get to sending a card (anything would make me feel better), but then I see his status updates on facebook daily about “just bought the new iphone”, “last-minute trip to vegas”, “ordered a case of Veuve for no good reason” etc etc.
Post # 3
I completely understand why you are upset and I would be too!
But I don’t think there is anything you can do about it! I would just try to let it go!
Post # 4
Sorry you are going through this, don’t you just love siblings sometimes. My Future Sister-In-Law isn’t even coming to our wedding because it isn’t worth her traveling for just one day. However she has pictures of traveling all around the world for the past year but her brothers wedding wasn’t important enough. For her shower last year I spent $200 and gave her $350 for our wedding. When it was time for our shower she didn’t even have the decency to reply.
Post # 5
He sounds pretty selfish to me. I am sorry that your own brother did this to you!! I wouldn’t bring it up to him and just try to, eventually, get over it. People do things all of the time that we don’t/won’t/can’t understand, so this maybe one of those. You seemed to have a great Wedding Day other than him. So, just focus on your hubby and your new life together. 🙂
Post # 6
I can top that. We got married just 2 weeks ago. A very small, but elegant affair. MY husband is British and we had his parents fly in for the wedding. Even with all the things we had to do before the wedding; running around tying up loose ends, etc., picking up family and friends from airports and train stations, carting his parents around all over the place, we still managed to be gracious hosts. In the end, our day was perfect, except for one tiny detail. His parents never gave us a gift either. Nothing, nada, zip, zero, zilch….not even a hint of something to come. And like you, we weren’t getting married for the gifts. We were happy just to have our day shared with our closest friends and family. But everyone thought of us except his own parents. I don’t know about you, but I feel extremely slighted. thoughts? advice?
Post # 7
I can totally understand why you are upset. How rude. It’s almost like a slap in the face. Totally selfish. There is a chance that he’ll get you a gift later. We have had two people approach us since the wedding to tell us that they didn’t get us a gift yet, and talk to us about it to make sure they got us something we really wanted. So there is a chance that your gift is still on the way. But how rude, not even to say something about it.
Unforch, it’s probably not worth mentioning. I have two friends who are pretty well off who didn’t come to the wedding, who didn’t send a card or anything – after I attended a lot of events for their weddings and got them lots of gifts. It’s just not worth bringing it up. You don’t have to forget about it – but you’ll have to move past it if you are going to have a relationship with your brother.
Maybe he’s planning on getting you an amazing christmas gift… I’d give it a little more time & hope that he says something about it. You can nonchalantly mention something about one of the gifts you got, see if it sparks a converstaion.
Sorry you are going thru this.
Post # 8
I don’t know how close you are to your brother, but if my brother brought an uninvited guest, I would have have told him that wasn’t ok. You could always say something to him like, “so and so didn’t give us a gift, not even give us a card for our wedding, isn’t that strange?” Maybe he would get the hint.
Post # 9
@daisy6510: and @Rainiswithin27: I feel your pain. My husband’s parents didn’t get us anything. Nothing. Well, let me re-phrase. They let us borrow their car for our honeymoon because it’s bigger and more comfortable for a roadtrip than either of ours. When they brought my husband’s car back to us it had a missing side view mirror and the windshield was smashed. So that’s on us to fix, I guess? In contrast, both of my husband’s sisters received CARS as wedding presents. Not a car to borrow. A car to keep. I’m not mad that they didn’t get us a gift, because I don’t expect gifts from anyone. I’m mad that they treated us so differently from their daughters. “Here daughter #1, have a Nissan Xterra. Here daughter #2, have a Ford Expedition. Here son. You can borrow our car for a while, but we’re going to break your car and cost you some money in the meantime. Congrats!” Sigh. I’m a little bitter. Like you guys, we don’t really have any recourse (except that I intend to make them pay us back for the car repairs). But it’s nice to know we’re not the only ones. Boo.
Post # 10
You guys are right I do need to let it go. I have thought again and again about saying something to him directly. I won’t ask about the lack of gift/card, but I may mention that it wasn’t cool of him to bring his friend like that. I’m sorry for what you other ladies have gone through with the relatives too – it’s really good to hear I’m not the only one with family who did something like this!
Post # 11
I’d say let it go. Is the $40 he may have given you worth all of this stress and heartache? Just accept that he has poor wedding etiquette and move on. Not to dismiss your anger, I understand, but I just don’t think it’s worth your time to keep dwelling on it! Enjoy your new marriage and say screw it!
Post # 12
I’d be annoyed b/c he clearly has the financial means to give a gift, but perhaps just not the knowledge or the wedding etiquette to do so. But it’s probably best to let it go; I’m assuming if he came by himself he is single? My guess is most single males have ZERO clue about wedding etiquette and he probably didn’t realize just how rude it is to bring a random, uninvited person.
What is your relationship like outside of this? Are you two close at all?